Thursday, July 9, 2009

CHEZ nation declares Shannon Tweed Day July 15th

Oh my. How much fun can one city council have over the course of the year? It turns out, only so much. We have used up our "fun" quotient for the year, we have reached critical mass, and now it falls to the Jan Harders of the world to ensure that city council pursues their original, and most important, mandate - making sure Ottawa continues to be known, the world over, as the City That Fun Forgot. First, Doug Thompson, on the advice of a former city councillor, decides that since Shannon Tweed will be hanging out in town on Wednesday July 15th, visiting her old haunts and some old friends, that we should proclaim that date to be Shannon Tweed Day in Ottawa. Many mayors, over the years, have done this. Proclaiming an official Day for things is a pretty easy way to go about the business of being mayor. Or temporary mayor. Want to recognize some organization without giving it money or actually doing anything for it? Give it a Day! Some examples...

GuluWalk Day - October 20th
Heritage Day - February 17th
Dell Day (Dell Computers) - March 29th
Grete Hele (philanthropist's 80th birthday) Day - June 21st
Falun Dafa Day - May 13th
Technology Day - November 7th
Equality Day - Gay Pride Parade (can't find the date)
Toastmaster week - October 20th-26th (some club called the Toastmasters club)
Deaf Recognition Day - September 17th
Lesbian and Gay Pride Day - June 17th
Save Local Television Day - May 23rd
Elder Abuse Awareness Day - June 15th
Philippine Heritage Week - June 5th - 12th
Adlerian Psychology Day - January 25th
Nancy Edwards Day (community health activist) - May 10th
Canadian Mothercraft of Ottawa-Carleton week - June 7th - 13th.
War Brides Day - May 13th
Esquires Day - local band, can't find the date
Angels In Action Day - no date I can see
Lucille Auffrey Day (local nurse) - May 11th
Duck-Free Zone Day (during the playoffs w/ Anaheim) - May 24th
Human Rights Day - June 27th

Now, to be sure, many of these Days have a considerable amount of merit. And we're all so very familiar with them all, of course. But clearly Ms. Tweed doesn't qualify. After all, she only lived here for four years. Unlike the Esquires, who lived here all their lives. And she does not maintain a residence in Ottawa (which is required for a Day, according to Ottawa's Office of Protocal), unlike the Phillippines, which is actually a borough north of Vanier. Wait...back this up a bit. Ottawa has an Office Of Protocol? Is that like the Circumlocution Office in The Pickwick Papers? By the way - have we ever had a Day for all those other people who "lived" in Ottawa for a day or two? Tom Cruise and Matthew Perry and Norm McDonald, et al? We sure like to say they're from Ottawa.
So of course, we at CHEZ nation had to take matters into our own hands, forced into action by the City That Fun Forgot, and we have declared July 15th, next Wednesday, to be Shannon Tweed Day in both the CHEZ nation and in Ottawa itself. We will celebrate Ms. Tweed's contribution to the art of cinema, and to the world of modelling. (A modelling career which began, incidentally, with her crowning as Miss Ottawa Valley in 1977, before I was born.) A woman with an impressive and important legacy, Shannon Tweed is deserving of not only her own day, but a proper tribute on CHEZ 106. Tune in next Wednesday.
And I would like to state, for the record, that I believe (unlike councillor Harder) that Shannon Tweed's body of work extends far beyond simply "living with Gene Simmons". Oh yeah - KISS plays Bluesfest on Wednesday the 15th. Hence this whole...thing. I will not be back at my blog until after my wedding and vacation, so I will let this post stand, for the next week and a half, as my own contribution to the celebration of Shannon Tweed Day in the CHEZ nation. May it be celebrated with gusto.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Because I know people want to see this.

There are many reasons to think Jennifer's Body is going to be a highly-anticipated movie. Perhaps the involvement of J.K. Simmons, who was so good in Burn After Reading. Or the involvement of Diablo Cody, the screenwriter behind the gem that was Juno. Or maybe...OK. It will be highly anticipated because Megan Fox is clearly naked for most of the film. Trailer - caution...not safe for work. Or, at least, not safe for some work places.

This seems like the natural thing for Megan Fox to be doing - she talks about all this stuff in interviews, which always seems like attention-hogging irritating young girl stuff to me, but I know people want to see it in a movie. And in this one, it appears as though she EATS people!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Because I haven't been at this for a while...

What with my upcoming wedding this Saturday, and all the other craziness that comes with it, I have not had time to properly blog in a while. So I thought I would cram all the stuff I would have written about these past few weeks into an unnecessarily long single post. Here goes:

Woody's wedding was a good time. Certainly more formal and fancy than mine - they had an ice sculpture! Just about everyone from the station was there, and I felt bad because I had invited almost none of them to my wedding. I'm trying to keep mine small, you see. I think we will have about one tenth of the guest list that Woody had. Nice ceremony though, with a great dinner buffet and some good people. Congratulations Woody and (now officially) Mrs. Woody!

Golfed with Doc at Greensmere. I was playing terribly until I decided that playing for money would help me focus. And it did. We played a skins game for the final 12 holes, and I raised my game a heck of a lot. The problem was that Doc raised his game as well. And I lost. But I shot a 101, and it was worth the $25 bucks I gave up. Almost.

It was my 10-year-old stepson's birthday last Sunday, so I bought him a tiny set of golf clubs. Then we went to the driving range several times. I am going to sign us up for lessons so we can hit those par-three places and practice. This is, I will admit, somewhat self-serving for me. While we take tandem adult-kid lessons, he will learn the game and I will learn how to beat Doc.

The hundreds of pounds of meat in my freezer has been a life-changing experience. I'm trying all kinds of new recipes and barbecuing every day. Then the next day I eat the leftovers until they are gone, and I barbecue again. The meat is fantastic, and these are some of the best steaks I've ever had. But I'm already a little sick of meat. Can you overdose on meat? Randall predicts that I will be 320 pounds by Christmas.

I have been working out more, so I can eat more meat. So far, so good. I have put on no more weight, and I have watched a full season of Matlock from the rowing machine. Matlock! Don Knotts is on in season three, you see...also Karl Malden for one episode, which is cool. Oh yeah - Karl Malden died at 97.

Cynical Cinema reviews available now:

Before Tomorrow: Canadian film that completes the "Nunavut trilogy" - an elderly woman and her grandson brave the arctic alone. It's touching, mesmerizing, yet incredibly slow.

Petticoat Junction, Official Second Season: Doc is right. I will review anything that people send me.

Reno 911 Sixth Season: One of the funniest satire shows on TV. It seems to be over-the-top, but it's subtle enough to work.

Matlock Third Season: Don Knotts joins the cast, I guess Andy Griffith still owed him a favour. And Karl Malden appears in one episode, which is cool.

A tribute to Karl Malden: One of my favourite actors of all time, passed away at the age of 97 last week. Here are the movies he's done that you should see.

On The Waterfront: A quick review, in memory of Karl Malden.

The Cincinnati Kid: Another quick review, in memory of Karl Malden.

The little flags the City of Ottawa put on my lawn three months ago are still there. I was told 30 days, and I could remove them. I waited until I was more than certain it had been 30 days, and I took them off. Later that same day, they had been put back. And I am continuing to mow around them, just to show the city folk how long they've been there. If they ever come to do something with them. It looks like that's happening now - about six thousand pounds of pylons and other City equipment have just been dumped on my neighbour's lawn. And the grass around my flags is about four feet high.

Sarah Palin's timing is good - evening press conference on the Friday before July 4th will get little media coverage, and as we all know, the media is "out to get her". But what a stupid press conference. I guess quitters never win, but quitting is sometimes the only way to win, and so in this case she is a winner because she quit? Or something? I thought it was hilarious that all weekend long, FOX News was running Sarah Palin tributes - like she was Michael Jackson. Remember when she said this? Aaaahhhh. For God's sake, FOX News. She quit. She didn't die.

I had a very half-assed "bachelor party" last week. The girls got dressed up, did their hair, did their makeup, and rented a limo to take them downtown for a night of debauchery and filthy goings-on with some boys. Me and the guys drank beer in my garage. And I barbecued.

Kovalev? Really? Aren't we getting rid of the Canadian Kovalev right now? How does that help us?

Steve McNair was one of my favourite NFL players for a long time. Toughest QB (next to of course Favre) in the game - a little too tough though. If he hadn't played so hard all the time, he wouldn't have been hurt so much, and who knows how great he could have been had he had a long career?

Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett...all before my time. I don't really get it.

This year's Wimbledon final might have been the second-best tennis match I have ever seen, next to last year's Wimbledon final. Who would have thought Federer would go through another one like that? Nice to see him come out on top though, and it's clear now that he's the best ever. Well, to me anyway.

CFL season has begun, which is exciting. I just wish I knew when the games were on. I've caught a couple though - after just one game, I am predicting that Saskatchewan will win the Grey Cup this year. Go Bombers!

OK, that's it. All I've got. Now, I am getting ready for a wedding, then I am going on a week's vacation, then I'm coming back for the best golf tournament ever, then the guys are gone for two weeks while I take over. So I will write another blog post in four weeks, at the latest.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Metallica plays Michael Jackson

It's a short clip, but strange.

Even Metallica cares somewhat about the King Of Pop.