Friday, June 5, 2009

What do I do now?

For a long time, I kept hearing about women being "attracted" to "powerful" men. And I thought it would be a good idea, maybe even a great one, if I became the only man on earth who was attracted by power. And I tried. I really did. I made a serious effort to be turned on by Oprah. And the Queen of England. I bought "O" magazine, but there was no centerfold. I bookmarked Queen Elizabeth's official website. And I tried. Lord, how I tried! But I could just never get past the fact that Oprah is obnoxious and not very pretty. And the Queen is 141 years old, and not very pretty. I thought, I may not be shallow enough to be turned on by power, but I AM, certainly, shallow enough to go for looks above all else in my public fascinations.

Then, yesterday, here comes Forbes magazine to the rescue! Oprah is no longer the most powerful woman in the States! That honour, based on a series of criteria which seem to me to be random at best, has now been bestowed (by Forbes) on Angelina Jolie! I have no idea how this list is made. Little of it makes sense to me - witness, Beyonce is #4. Barack Obama is #49. But whatever. Finally, the most powerful woman - Angelina Jolie - is one I might actually lust after. But I realize, now, too late. I am hot for Angelina Jolie because she is hot. And I would still take Kate Beckinsale over Angelina Jolie, even though Kate Beckinsale doesn't even make the list. And I must concede my dream. I will never be attracted to powerful women. Only hot powerful ones. Except Sarah Palin. So, Carla Bruni, and Swedish princesses, and...Beyonce?

Fun.

My cousin just came into town and stayed with me for a day. He had been organizing a symposium in Iqualuit, and he told me about the local man who dressed as a superhero. This man, Polarman, dresses as a superhero. Every day. For the past fifteen years or so. He never goes anywhere out of costume, and he spends most of his time running around and striking poses, buying into his persona completely. I admire that kind of dedication to craziness, and so I looked up Polarman on youtube. Here are a few videos that I felt I must share of this amazingly committed individual in action:









And...awesome!

Guitar Hero: Van Halen trailer

The trailer for the upcoming video game Guitar Hero: Van Halen is up on the net now. Yes, video games have trailers. The trailer for The Beatles: Rock Band is up on Doc's blog, I get Van Halen. Well, here it is:



Video game comes out "later this year".

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Something worth seeing.

Does anyone know the name Paul Di'Anno? Not me...apparently he was once the lead singer of Iron Maiden, and the rumours are that his split with the band was due to his heavy drug use. Well now, he is still touring as a solo act. One I've never heard anything about. He is currently in Argentina on that tour. He had a press conference. And he went off. First, a clip of them playing:



Now, a clip of him losing it, which is far more interesting:



Anyway. That guy was once the lead singer of Iron Maiden. I'm told.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Perhaps it's time to shut down FOX News for good.

Is there any doubt that FOX News, the most visible and influential of the right-wing media orgainzations in the states, and their constant use of the term "Tiller the baby killer", are in a big way responsible for the assassination of Dr. George Tiller yesterday? There is a difference between attacking public, elected officials on a television program, but vilifying a private citizen like Dr. Tiller, and attacking him with a name like that, is going to incite violence. And it does. And it did.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Cynical cinema - new DVD releases tomorrow

Revolutionary Road - Brilliant. A classic film.

Defiance - Good, but disappointing. Could have been great.

He's Just Not That Into You - Dreadful.

Fanboys - NERDS!

Comme Une Etoile Dans La Nuit - Decent but formulaic.

Cannon Season Two Volume One - William Conrad is so fat. Love it.

We can keep TWO secrets!

At the last minute, I was recruited to "perform" at Mrs. Woody's bridal shower on Sunday. So I headed off to the Aren't We Naughty store on Merivale, stressed out the sales clerks some by asking to try on their silly vinyl nurses uniforms, and ended up choosing the "one size fits most" body stocking. It looked fantastic on the woman on the package. It looked like this on me:















One size fits most my ass. (It was supposed to be a dress that went down to the knees.) So, that was no good. Worst of all, I had to wear all this stuff under my regular clothes as I went about my business yesterday, and this body stocking thing is warm. Which meant that by the time I showed up to strip, I was incredibly sweaty.
















With any luck, I didn't scar anyone for life. Here are some more pictures which may be stressful. Scroll past quickly if you want to save your eyes.











Turns out I'm a fat guy, and the body stocking got stuck and wouldn't come off.











Eventually, with my girlfriend's help, I got the thing off and went home. From what I understand the rest of the bridal shower was lovely. And easier on the eyes. Thanks to Diana, Donna and Carol for the photos! And thanks Mrs. Woody for playing along and pretending not to be nauseated!

We can keep a secret!

Woody's kids organized a surprise stag-and-doe party on Saturday night for Mr. and Mrs. Woody out at Sonny's bar. They got a band to play, some party games and a ton of people there to play the games and celebrate the upcoming wedding. Amazingly, with the number of people who attended, no one let the cat out of the bag on this one. Several of our current and former sales people, people who work with Mrs. Woody in the creative department, and a few others, and we managed to keep the secret. Frankly, the only reason I'm writing this down is that I'm amazed that this never leaked out and that Cathy and Woody were genuinely surprised upon entering Sonny's on Saturday night. Now, grabbing Woody and forcing drinks into him may not have been a timely idea, what with his appearance on the CHEO telethon the next day (I didn't catch the show, but I imagine if he felt anything like I did, he was the worse for wear). And Mrs. Woody had her bridal shower the next day also, which may have been a real effort after the night before. But that also included a kept secret! More on that later - we're so sneaky!

Puck luck sucks.

I'm not a huge fan of the Pittsburgh Penguins, but I certainly feel for them after the first two games of the playoffs. No bounces are going their way, every bounce that goes Detroit's way appears to end up in the net, and rarely have I seen a team hit so many posts. I think the ultimate example of just how staggeringly unlucky Pittsburgh has been so far is that without their best forward, Pavel Datsyuk, in the lineup, and without their old-man character guy, Kris Draper, they called up some guy whose name I have never heard. I remember looking at the screen on Saturday night and saying "who the hell is Justin Abdelkader?" After the second game, I have some idea - he's the Stanley Cup Finals leader in goals, with two. Which far and away beats the zero points he has in the five games he has played in the rest of his career.

In the meantime, Evgeni Malkin has remained Pittsburgh's best player through both games, and it's no wonder he was frustrated at the end of game two. Here is Malkin being frustrated and dropping the gloves with that goon Zetterberg:



Anyone think that maybe the reason the NHL decided to rescind Malkin's instigator penalty and didn't suspend him for game three is that they felt, in a big way, sorry for the Penguins?