Thursday, April 16, 2009

And everything comes together...weirdly.


Marilyn Chambers, the most famous soap-box model of all time, later went on, after modeling for the Ivory Snow box, to become the biggest adult film star in the world, ushering in the modern era of porn. In 2008, she stood on a different kind of soap box, running for vice-president of the United States on a ticket with a guy named Charles Jay, for the aptly named Boston Tea Party in nine states (ironically, not Massachusetts). The Boston Tea Party did not win the 2008 U.S. election, Barack Obama and the Democratic Party did. To protest the Democrats and Obama, a series of protests were organized and took place yesterday. Those protests made reference to the Boston Tea Party, the event in which tea was thrown into Boston harbor to protest taxation without representation. The protests, although ill-informed and generally stupid, were still covered by FOX News, which specializes in all things ill-informed and generally stupid. Even FOX, however, didn't cover Marilyn Chambers' run for VP. These protesters, being generally clueless, kept referring to their plan to "teabag" things, including the White House, not understanding the common definition of the term "teabag", something with which Ms. Chambers was undoubtedly familiar. But Marilyn Chambers, shining light of Ivory Snow, Behind The Green Door, and the Boston Tea Party...(Party?)...was not around to see them. She had passed away on Monday at the age of 56. Here is a tribute to Ms. Chambers, because I can put pictures on my blog but not on Cynical Cinema, and I can put audio on Cynical Cinema but not my blog:
Coincidence? Probably.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Protests - the good, the bad and the silly.

Memo to Lawrence Cannon...maybe it's time to get off your ass and walk outside. The Tamil protests that have been going on on Parliament Hill for nine days now involve hunger strikes. There are people there who are starving themselves to death in order to talk, specifically, to you. There are a thousand people out there protesting the killing of civilians in Sri Lanka. Yes, I know, Canada has indeed called for a ceasefire, and an end to the hostilities. And yes, I am aware that Canada does not hold enough diplomatic sway, anywhere in the world, to impose conditions single-handedly. But releasing statements that say "it's not my problem", or "it's not my job to end the protest" are hardly productive, no? They want to talk to you. There are a thousand of them. And several of them are endangering their lives with a hunger strike. Come on. Walk outside.

Speaking of protests, my favourite "grass roots" protest is about to take place ALL OVER AMERICA today, as the teabaggers will whip out their teabags and teabag it up to the White House. Of course, this is called a "grassroots" movement, even though it is being coordinated by Newt Gingrich and Dick Army, and there is nothing "grassroots" about it whatsoever. They are loosely basing this protest on the Boston Tea Party, which fought taxation without representation. However, this time they are protesting the increase in taxes which...doesn't exist. Taxes have been cut. So why protest? Because some right-wing nutjobs decided to organize it, that's why. And then...teabag? Really? Do you not have the google? For those of you reading this who don't know the secondary (or perhaps, by now, it is so pervasive that it is the primary) definition of "teabag", I will give you a moment to check the google yourself.

OK. I know that Public Enemy suggested that they wanted to "paint the White House black". And that The Coup wanted to "run up in the White House with the gauge out - click clack". At least all of this made a little bit of sense, and you could understand the metaphor. These right-wing nutjobs want to teabag the White House. When I first heard this I couldn't stop laughing. I still can't now. These are the same people who are so out of touch that, as one caller to CHEZ this morning suggested, they kept hammering on Barack Obama "fisting" his wife during the campaign. Perhaps it's no coincidence that the only network that covered the fisting is also the only one covering the teabagging...where would I get my comedy without FOX News? Well, funnyordie, I guess. See below post for some hilarity.

Lindsay Lohan is...funny?

Seriously. This is very funny. Lindsay Lohan, it appears, has a sense of humour about herself. Watch this:


I know, I once promised never to mention Lohan on this blog again. Or maybe that was Paris Hilton. Or both. Either way, I have broken my vow, because this is too good not to put up. I almost...like?...Lindsay Lohan again! Thanks, funnyordie.com! If the video doesn't load up (and it doesn't seem like it is) watch it here:

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/0d646e2edb/lindsay-lohan-s-eharmony-profile

A couple of great reads.

With the lovely weather the past couple of days, I have taken some books outside, and I want to recommend them. Because they are both fantastic. Amanda from promo gave me a book called The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, which I read on Monday. It's amazing. Totally hilarious, and it made me think that maybe I'm autistic. I do a lot of things the boy in this book does. It's written from the perspective of an autistic boy who finds his neighbour's dog murdered with a pitchfork. It's just priceless the way the kid goes through life - everything he does and thinks makes perfect sense, in a logical way, but being autistic none of it would make sense to the people he encounters. He stops, several times, to explain the way he thinks, and it's always priceless. Like his reasoning that explains why seeing five red cars in a row means that he will have a good day. A very funny, very sweet book that you can read in an afternoon.

The book I read yesterday, The Hours, is a little tougher. Randall gave me that one, and it's amazing too. It's the story of three women, one of whom is the real-life author Virginia Woolfe, and their stories which connect loosely over time. Woolfe is writing her classic novel Mrs. Dalloway, Laura is reading the book, and Clarissa is referred to as "Mrs. Dalloway" by her friend Richard, a famous gay poet who is dying of AIDS. I know, it doesn't sound like much fun. But it is. The Hours is a literary tour-de-force, and I now want to go see the movie. Mostly because I know who's in it, but I can't for the life of me figure out which character is played by which actress. (Especially since one character in the book makes many references to Meryl Streep, and one of the characters in the movie is played by Meryl Streep. I actually get excited by these things because I am a nerd.)

My girlfriend read the Dog in the Night-Time book after I did, also in one night. She tried The Hours but found it too ponderous. Both are great.

Monday, April 13, 2009

An update.

Billy Bob Thornton's band, whatever their name is, has canceled the rest of their Canadian tour in the wake of that stupid interview he gave on CBC. The actor's band was booed heartily when they opened for Willie Nelson in Toronto, and they packed up their stuff and went home.