Friday, March 27, 2009

Losing weight through brute force...the big finish!

It's over! My final weigh-in is in a few minutes, and I thought I would put up the "before" and "after" pictures now. See if you can tell which is which! In preparation for the weigh-in, I clipped my nails, shaved my body, got circumcised and stopped drinking water and eating this morning. As of 7:00, I will be so starving that I will scarf down whatever food I can get my hands on, and frankly I am looking forward to no longer paying such close attention to food. I am sick of trying to avoid carbs. (I've only done that for two weeks.) I am sick of avoiding dairy products (also two weeks). I will continue to eat lots of fresh vegetables, because I have developed a taste for that. But when it comes to snack time, and I am hungry, I want to make a sandwich. Not a fish and broccoli dinner. I am also looking forward to the occasional McDonalds meal, although I am not likely going to be eating it twice a week for breakfast like before. Well. Probably not.
I started out at 265 pounds, based on my scale at home. That was eleven weeks ago. I started working out, then joined the workplace weight-loss challenge ten weeks ago, weighing in at 259.9 pounds. Today, on my scale at home, I weigh 225 pounds. Which is a 40-pound loss in 11 weeks. At 7:00, I will go weigh in at work, and see how much I lost in the ten-week challenge. I think I likely needed to lose at least 35 pounds to win, possibly more. So I think there is a chance I will finish second, or even third. But either way, I'm pretty happy with the results. I will find out the results on Monday, and my last post about this will be the final details, whether I won, and if I did, what kind of gravy-covered bacon pizza I plan to purchase with my winnings.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

An interview with Genie Awards CEO Sara Morton

I had a chance to interview the CEO of the Genie Awards, Sara Morton, just ten minutes ago. When her publicist sent me emails asking if I would be willing to interview Ms. Morton, she suggested that perhaps she might have some predictions about which films would win Canada's Oscars, and what celebrities might grace our fine town and the aviation museum with their presence. It turns out neither of those things was the case. In fact, she said that she couldn't tell us who would be in attendance. Or who was hosting the program. Or predict who the winners might be. The Genies, you see, are perhaps the most secretive Awards Show in history. Which may be why no one knows they even exist, or anything at all about them. Did you know they were going to be on TV? Yeah - Global TV! And some other network. Did you know they were in Ottawa? Yep, they are. At the Airplane Museum. If you want to check out one of the most uninformative interviews ever, click here:

Then click on the bottom interview that doesn't look like the others at all. New Cynical Cinema website, many changes still to be made so it looks like it did two weeks ago.

And the video!

Here it is, my first attempt at breaking a world record. Make that, my first successful attempt at breaking a world record. No one, ever, has smashed more multi-vitamins with a wrench while blindfolded. The link to the Real World Records website is in the post below, keep checking to see if I make the cut! Now here is the video. The actual world record itself begins at 1:08 (one minute and eight seconds) of the video.

Yet another chance I missed to be rich.

This was an idea I had quite some time ago. We have long made fun of the Guinness Book of World Records and how it has become increasingly irrelevant. Records for "longest handcuffed swim", and such like. I never got to put my idea into practice, but now thank goodness someone has done it for me! Feast your eyes on this glorious website:

The Universal Records Database will put up videos of anyone who breaks any record, not just the Fattest Man or the Fastest 100 M. Like...Most Peeps Placed on a Sleeping Baby In A Stop-Motion Film. Awesome! So today, although I am now sad I missed my chance to create this myself and become rich, I can at least participate whole-heartedly and become famous! Today, I attempt to make it onto this site with a record of my own!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Losing weight through brute force...the home stretch.

I now have two days to lose as much weight as possible in order to win this contest. I lost five more pounds last week, bringing me close to thirty so far. Overall, I have lost 36 pounds, counting the week before the contest started. And I am still close to losing. I figure that I have to lose at least seven pounds this week in order to have a good shot at winning the contest. And although I have made a serious effort to contract diptheria, or humunculosis, or any other appetite-and energy sapping illness, I have so far been unsuccessful. So now I must resort to different drastic measures.

So for the past two weeks I have been sticking as closely to the Greco-prescribed diet as is humanly possible. I have gone without cheese. Without bread. Without carbs of any kind or fat of any kind. I have been drinking my coffee black (which sucks). I have been cramming vegetables into myself even when I know they will not satisfy the gaping hunger that I feel in my belly. And I have been drinking copious amounts of water. Today is my last class at Greco, and then I will be on my own until Friday's weigh-in. So I plan to stop eating, entirely, at noon on Thursday. I will not drink any water, whatsoever, as of 9 a.m. on Thursday. Before I go to bed Thursday night, I will do 10 km on the rowing machine and run for five more, then wrap myself in garbage bags, prop my mouth open with a stick, and attempt to get at least one hour of sleep.

Also, I will shave off all my body hair, clip my finger and toenails as short as they will go, donate as much blood as the blood bank will allow me to give, blow my nose as often as possible and generally attempt to evacuate any superfluous weight that may still be somewhere on my body. That all should help me drop those extra three pounds that might put me over the top. Because if I have come this far and I lose this contest, then it really wasn't worthwhile. I know, I know, I am skinner and nicer looking and I am no longer out of breath when I walk up stairs and I no longer sweat when I eat and I can finally clip my own toenails and I have more energy and I wake up feeling better and blah blah blah. But really, I want the forty bucks I could win.

Then, Friday morning at 7:05, after my 7:04 weigh-in, I will drink nine pepsis and eat four Big Macs and feel as good as new. You know - I was telling my dad this yesterday - I thought giving up my 12 pepsis a day would be tough. But it wasn't. I thought it would be a pain in the butt to eat eggs every day and alway have chicken and ground beef around to make up snacks and such. It wasn't. And I thought I would miss hamburgers and hot dogs and the other things that make up the staples of my diet. But I don't. This past two weeks, when I have had no bread or cereal or anything else involving carbs, I didn't even miss it. But I have discovered that the one thing that drives me crazy is being without cheese. I must have cheese. So much so that instead of four Big Macs come Friday morning, I am now thinking about bringing in a large-size block of expensive, extra-old, delicious cheddar cheese and eat the whole thing like it's an apple. George Costanza would be proud.

Not quite Breaking Rock News, but worth reporting...

Lemmy, the Rock God from Motorhead, has some kind words about Jimi Hendrix, the man he says was the "king of sex, drugs and rock & roll". Lemmy was once one of Jimi's roadies, and he says that Hendrix was bigger and better at all three than anyone else ever. Here are some of his quotes:

"If you wanted to see some athletic ---, Jimi was the boy for it. I'd never seen anything like it... there were always lines of chicks going nuts outside his dressing room. It was like, 'Take a number and wait.'"

"I'd score acid for [Jimi]. I'd get 10 tabs, and he'd take seven and give me three, which I thought was very reasonable. He was great, a perfect old-school gentlemen . . . if a girl came into the room, he'd shoot to his feet."

"He played rhythm and lead at the same time, under his leg, behind his back, left and right, upside down. God bless Eddie Van Halen, he's nowhere near. Hendrix did it all, and when he died, it stopped."

And...something else.

Leonard Cohen's new album is streaming live, and you can listen to it here:

Now, no negative comments about Leonard Cohen, please. I realize that to some, the sound of his voice can be dangerously likely to induce a coma. But to me, the sound of his voice just makes me a little sleepy. And every now and then I like that.

More music stuff...

This is a list that I probably can't cut-and-paste into my blog, since it is pretty much for adults only and features some rather disgusting stories. But some hilarious ones as well. OK, mostly truly disgusting. The Top Ten Rock Star Sex stories of all time...

I knew all of these stories except for #1. I guess when Keith Moon is known for driving a car into a hotel pool and blowing up drum kits and killing his own chauffeur, the sex stuff can seem less interesting...or something.

In the spirit of bringing you new's some more new music. This time from the not-new Black Sabbath.

They're now called Heaven & Hell, but Black Sabbath is still Black Sabbath, Ozzy or Dio or whatever. You can hear the first single from their upcoming album The Devil You Know here:

The song is called "Bible Black", but after listening to it, I am disappointed to say that it bears little resemblance, and does not seem to be a reference, to King Crimson. But it's still pretty good.

Monday, March 23, 2009

And...more music stuff.

Because that's all I've got this morning...but this is pretty darn cool as well. Remember that crazy guitar jam session at the Eric Clapton show in Ottawa? With Derek Trucks and Robery Cray and so forth? Well, here is Clapton jamming with Trucks and Warren Haynes at the Beacon Theatre with the Allman Brothers on the 19th. A fan videotaped a portion of the show, and it's worth watching:

And of course, it's "Layla", the song Duane Allman made into a classic with that massive riff. Enjoy!

Chickenfoot. Because this is cool.

I am generally no huge fan of either Sammy Hagar or Joe Satriani. But get them together, with a bunch of other really great musicians, and there is something magically cool about the group. Also, they're called Chickenfoot. Which is like a less-dangerous Russian Roulette, involving your foot instead of your head. And that's somehow cool against all reason as well. Check out their two new songs, streaming live right now:

Not bad, huh?

Rocking For Peace's a cool rock star thing, so it's actually called Rocking 4 Peace. Ringo Starr and others reciting the words to Imagine and flashing peace signs. There's just something appealing about this, I don't really know why.

Also, it helps families in war-torn nations, and promotes the idea of World Peace, which is of course still in the "pipe-dream" stage but is nice to think about. So those are good things too.