Life as an intern

This is my last blog post ever. Here, anyway.

2009-11-25T03:18:00.002-05:00

I have been asked by the bosses at CHEZ to move my blog from the "blogger" website to the corporate blog website. This way they can add it to the main-page blogroll, and find another picture of me in my underwear to put beside it. Also, this way they get credits for the page hits. The new location of my blog is here:

http://blog.rogersbroadcasting.com/erictheintern/

I will eventually figure out how to make it work like this one did. Until then, please be patient!

The dangers of early Christmas shopping

2009-11-23T16:09:00.002-05:00

I have always thought it would be neat to finish Christmas shopping neat. I tend to be a last-minute guy, like actually up to the eleventh hour, December 23rd at 9 p.m., type individual. Not my wife, who just loves shopping for the kids and the families and she will get it all done as early as possible. So last week, we went shopping for everyone - and we're done! It's over! No more shopping or stress or worries until Christmas, right? Not only that, but we have money left over!

Or, we did. Now we had enough money to go to the humane society and pick up another dog. And so we did. Now Muffin (I believe her picture is up in the corner) has a playmate, another tiny dog who is still five times her size, who was found wandering as a stray near the CHEZ studios. They are still a little standoffish, but they tend to ignore each other and not attack each other, so far so good.

At least the spending was done...right? Nope. NOW, we have a lot of time before Christmas. Time, which we can now spend looking for new, better toys and gifts for the kids and the family and so forth. So getting the shopping done doesn't really mean that it is over. It just means we have covered our bases. And now, we have the time to spend three times the amount we had budgeted for Christmas before the big day arrives. THIS is why we men (frugal, clever beasts that we are) shop on December 23rd. It is almost impossible to go over budget when you have only two hours to shop.

NFL picks week 12

2009-11-23T06:05:00.010-05:00

So far this year, I am 110-50 straight up, 94-65-1 against the spread. I have also moved up from 37th place to 11th place in the CHEZ online football pool. Three Thursday games this week!
Green Bay (10.5) at Detroit: The Packers need to take the easy ones when they can, and they won't be letting up on the sadsack Lions. However, the Lions all of a sudden looked really really good last week. Of course, that performance came against the Browns. Packers, 27-21. Verdict (Packers, 34-12). I thought the loss of Aaron Kampman and Al Harris would really hurt the Packers, and that Stafford would be able to complete some big throws. It turns out that the Lions are still the Lions, and I won't have any idea how rough the Pack's defense actually is until next week.

Oakland at Dallas (14): You can't take the Raiders lightly. Especially now that they appear to have ended the Russell experiment. That win against the Bengals was no fluke. Dallas is in serious trouble now, as evidenced by their loss to the Packers in convincing fashion and their barely-eked-out victory over the awful Redskins. I'll take the Cowboys at home, but this will not be a convincing win by any stretch. Cowboys, 18-17. Verdict (Cowboys, 24-7). All of a sudden, Dallas found their offense again. Or did they? It WAS against the Raiders. And Russell or no Russell, it appears the Raiders can't handle a defense like that of the Cowboys. Either that, or the Raiders only come to play every second week.

New York Giants (5) at Denver: Both these teams started 5-0. And both lost four in a row soon after. It looks as though the Giants may have righted their ship somewhat with a tough victory over the decent Falcons, while the Broncos have just collapsed, utterly. Still major questions on New York's defense, but bigger questions with Denver's offense. Giants, 26-20. Verdict (Broncos, 26-6). I couldn't have been more wrong about this one. No more questions about Denver's offense. Noshawn Moreno is a force. Still huge questions about New York's defense. And their offense now, I think. This was a far more dominant Denver victory than even this score would indicate. The Broncos still play KC twice and Oakland once, and they will finish 10-6, which could be good enough for the wild card!

Miami (3) at Buffalo: The Dolphins can smell a wild card berth, as long as they can continue to knock off the weaker teams on there schedule (and there aren't many). The Bills finally found T.O. and some offense last week - and still lost the game. They will lose this one as well. Dolphins, 18-14. Verdict (Bills, 31-14). Well, the Dolphins are now done. They needed to knock off the Bills, couldn't get it done, and now they have a really tough grind to the end of the season. Too bad, I like watching this team, and I would have liked to see them in the playoffs.

Carolina at New York Jets (3): A very tough game to call. The Panthers looked very good playing spoiler the last few weeks until they ran into a hungry Dolphins team. And the Jets did as well as could be expected against New England. I will take an NFC 4-6 team over an AFC 4-6 team. Panthers, 21-20. Verdict (Jets, 17-6). Not that the Panthers could have been considered a "spoiler" against the Jets, but they could have put more effort into the game than this. The coach says that putting Jake Delhomme under centre gives his team the best chance to win. That's true. But Delhomme also gives them the best chance to lose. Which makes this team impossible to predict!

Cleveland at Cincinnati (14): The Bengals were shocked by Oakland. The Browns put up 37 points on the Lions. What gives? Not like the Browns can do that two weeks in a row. Can they? Bengals, 22-18. Verdict (Bengals, 16-7). The Browns could NOT do that two weeks in a row. But they were still game, and held Ochocinco and the rest of the Bengals offense in check for most of the game. They just aren't a good enough team to beat Cincy. Or to score points against non-Lions opponents.

Indianapolis at Houston (no line): The Texans are very good, but they have run into some teams that are slightly better in recent weeks. Unfortunately for them, they are running into another team that is better this week. Colts, 24-21. Verdict (Colts, 35-20). The Colts are, indeed, better than the Texans. I was going to complain about that pass interference call that turned the game around and gave the Colts some life, but it ended up not mattering at all. Who cares about a gift TD early on when you end up winning by 15? And with the way the Colts have played in the fourth quarter this year, I never doubted them for a second - even down 17 points early.

Tampa Bay at Atlanta (11.5): The Falcons are falling, and fast. And the Bucs are a really interesting up-and-coming team. But has this gap closed enough to permit a Tampa Bay win? I don't think it has. Falcons, 23-17. Verdict (Falcons, 20-17). It hasn't. Quite. With Matt Ryan out, I thought this game was done. The Falcons weren't doing anything on offense until that last drive. But what a finish!

Washington at Philadelphia (no line): The Eagles should have hammered the Bears, but they didn't. The Skins should have beaten the Cowboys, but they didn't. Washington is just a bad, bad team. Eagles, 33-16. Verdict (Eagles, 27-24). Again, what a finish! The Eagles should have hammered this team. And what was Andy Reid thinking with that onside kick to open the game? Against the Saints, I get it. Against the Skins? What gives?

Seattle (1) at St. Louis: What a crappy game between two crappy teams. Then again, that's what we all thought about Browns - Lions last week. Rams either get their first home win, or Seahawks get their first road win. Rams, 14-12. Verdict (Seahawks, 27-17). I guess they should have won. Still don't care.

Kansas City at San Diego (13.5): This might be the eliminator pick of the week. Although the Chiefs won a big one last week, and Matt Cassel finally looked like a real NFL QB, does anyone think they can do it two weeks in a row? Especially against the suddenly unstoppable Chargers? Chargers, 27-10. Verdict (Chargers, 43-14). Look out! The Chargers may be the only team capable of even looking at that second seed in the AFC.

Jacksonville at San Francisco (3): The Niners are coming apart of late, and although they made a late charge at Green Bay, they also let the game get out of reach early on. They have one win in their last five games. Jacksonville, on the other hand, are quietly putting up a good record, and are currently sitting in what would be a wild card spot. They have one loss in their last five games. Make that one in their last six. Jacksonville, 26-21. Verdict (Niners, 20-3). Give it San Fran. Once they had the Jaguars down, they never let up, and kept their foot on Jacksonville's neck the whole second half.

Chicago at Minnesota (3): The Vikings are, in my estimation, the most complete team, and the best team, in football right now. Better even than the Colts and Saints. And they will steamroll the Bears, who have totally lost touch with their identities of late. All the Vikings need in this game is a win, and they have one more Lions game to run the table in their division. They want that. By the way, for some reason the opening spread in the CHEZ pool is 3 points - for the Bears! That's a misprint, likely, but a gimme at 16 points, isn't it? Vikings, 38-13. Verdict (Vikings, 36-10). Why was Brett Favre still in this game in the fourth quarter? Ah, crap! I was off by one.

Arizona at Tennessee (no line): The Titans have been coming on really strong, with four wins in a row after starting the season 0-6. They really think they can run the table. They can't - they do play the Colts at one point. But they can certainly win this game, with their secondary healthy. Chris Johnson will have a big, big day. Titans, 20-16. Verdict (Titans, 20-17). Ah, crap! I was off by one. This was one of the most exciting finishes I have seen all year. Gotta love Vince Young - hey, wouldn't it be bonkers if Tennessee made the playoffs? They would need a lot of help but, don't look now...

Pittsburgh at Baltimore (no line): The Ravens are still very, very dangerous. They have to hate the way they have lost so, so many close games this season, especially to teams in their own division. The Steelers have a few question marks, especially at QB where Big Ben Roethlisberger could be hurt for this one. If he is, it could be a brutal offensive showing for the Steelers against a still-rough-and-tough D. The Steelers lose their 3rd straight. Ravens, 20-17. Verdcict (Ravens, 20-17). That's the first time all season I have called the score exact! I am feeling so good about myself...except for all those other losses...

New England at New Orleans (3): The Saints are an awesome force. An unbelievable offense, and a sneaky, opportunistic, ball-hawking defense. If they get through this game, they play Washington, Atlanta and Carolina on the road, and Dallas and Tampa Bay at home. With the exception of Tampa and Washington, those are reasonably tough teams. But the biggest chance at an upset to ruin the perfect season comes this week against the Patriots. It won't happen. It won't quite happen. Saints, 32-30. Verdict (Saints, 38-17). I think it says more about the Patriots that they rolled over and died in the third and fourth quarter than it does about New Orleans. Sure, it was a blowout, but New England is a bully who beats on bad teams and curls up in a ball once they are getting crushed.

So far this week I am 11-5 straight up (121-55 overall), and 8-8 against the spread (102-73-1 overall)

If I'm not in tomorrow...

2009-11-22T18:19:00.002-05:00

I went to the liquor store last night to purchase products for my wife, who still likes the girly drinks in a big way. I walked up to the counter with a six-pack of Bud Light Lime and apple-flavoured Sour Puss. The lady at the counter looked at me skeptically, raised one eyebrow and said, in a joking manner, "Bud Light Lime and Sourpuss? Really?"

Feeling as though I ought to match her jocular mood, I decided to make a joke of my own. I tried my very best to look seriously confused and worried, and I said "yeah...unless you can think of a better way to seduce a fifteen-year-old". Her jovial manner was no more. She asked to see my ID. I think she was fully aware that I was older than 19, she just wanted to memorize my address for when she called the police.

So anyway, if I'm not in on Monday morning, it's because I am trying to explain a very awkward situation to Chris Hansen.

Man up, Stephen Harper!

2009-11-19T05:26:00.008-05:00

It occurred to me, watching FOX "News" as I tend to do for a laugh, that the right-wing nutters are right. Barack Obama bowed to the Japanese emperor. He bowed! Like, in submission! He may as well have begged the man for the opportunity to lick his toes and fetch his newspaper! That is not the American way. A real American does not greet foreign heads of state in the manner to which they are accustomed! Had John Wayne met the Japanese emperor, he would have shaken the man's had hard enough to crush most of his small bones. Clint Eastwood would have punched him square in the belly. George W. Bush would have held hands with the man, or given him a creepy back rub. What's the matter with the President?

Then something else crossed my mind - here is a golden opportunity for Stephen Harper! If the American President is going to be the sycophant of the world, why can't Canada become the tough guy? Stephen Harper is doing a decent job already - check out the photo of him in India - he's wearing the traditional head garb, but his smarmy look says "I think I look stupid". That's a good start. But perhaps, before he leaves, he could say goodbye to Pratibha Patil with a traditional Canadian head-butt. Next time he's in China - purple nurple! In France - wedgie! In Italy - noogie! (Who wouldn't want to give that loveable Berlusconi a noogie?) And the next time he meets that spineless supplicant weakling Obama, he should kick him square in the nuts. Goodness knows, Obama would just take it, being the lily-livered yellow-belly he so obviously is!

And, as I understand the logic, this would solve all of our problems. Canada would become the Toughest Country In The World. All other countries would see us as The Godfather, and they would pay us tribute, thus eliminating our national debt. The Taliban, seeing how tough we were (after all, our whole country kicked the entire United States in the nuts!), would pack up their weapons and admit defeat in Afghanistan, thereby solving our war problems. Stephen Harper, it's time to man up! You'd be stupid not to do this!

A baby seal walks into a club...

2009-11-18T08:35:00.002-05:00

And by that I mean, the exclusive club that is the Parliamentary restaurant, now serving seal meat along with their standard menu favourites of of caribou burgers and puffin bacon and condor eggs. Now, I understand the need to make blanket statements on Parliament Hill. I understand that the only way to make it clear that all parliamentarians are in favour of the seal hunt is with this grand gesture of menu management. But why stop there? Why don't they make it clear that all parliamentarians believe global warming is a hoax by serving polar bear?

I have eaten seal. It tastes bad. So there is no real reason to bring it here other than some kind of political statement, right? I mean, I understand the logic behind our Governor General eating seal with the Inuit people up north. They hunt the seals, they kill the seals, they eat the seals. That is their culture. But perhaps I'm off base. Maybe these seals have been killed solely for sustenance. Maybe Stephen Harper is in danger of going without food over the long winter if seal meat is not provided. And maybe he has been secretly visiting ice floes and clubbing the seals himself, to ensure a ready supply on the hill for those days when he is peckish and wants a seal club sandwich.

Wait - that doesn't make sense either. Stephen Harper doing something secretly? Impossible. Had he really been out culling seals, we would all have been treated to pictures for weeks, as that would have been a tremendous photo-op.

NFL picks week 11

2009-11-16T08:33:00.010-05:00

I am now 97-47 straight up, and 82-61-1 against the spread. Stupid Broncos. Back to 16-game weeks now and remember, Thursday night games now!

Miami at Carolina (3.5): The poor Dolphins have managed to run into every good team in the league this year, right when that team was getting good. The Fish are a pretty solid football team, and given an easier schedule they could be 6-3 right now. But they didn't have an easier schedule. They had this one. And they will be 4-6 after this game in Carolina, where the Panthers once again look unbeatable. It may be too late for Carolina, but they will cause some serious problems for good teams from here on in. Panthers, 27-20. Verdict (Dolphins, 24-17). Hmm. Without Ronnie Brown and all that he brings to the wildcat, Chad Henne and Ricky Williams were more than enough to shut down the Panthers, who looked great on their first two offensive drives, and pretty bad from that point on. Until late in the fourth, when it was too late. I would say look for the Fish to do damage from here on in, but look at their schedule for the rest of the season - Bills (win), Patriots (no), Jaguars (maybe), Titans (no), Texans (maybe), Steelers (no). Panthers' remaining schedule might even be worse. Both these teams will finish out of the playoffs.

Indianapolis at Baltimore (1): Do you think that there will be a letdown after that Sunday night dramatic win? Or now that the Colts have all but wrapped up home field advantage in Week Ten? I doubt it. I think this team will get to 12-0 before really being tested. Colts, 26-21. Verdict (Colts, 17-15). I shouldn't have phrased it that way - the Ravens really did test the Colts - their defense. And with the big INT at the end of the game, they came through. The Ravens are still very good. But they can't finish against a great team. Yet.

Washington at Dallas (12.5): Both these teams surprised me this week. The Redskins by showing up, and the Cowboys by NOT showing up. The Cowboys are starting to slip, as they always do later in the season, but Tony Romo just lost his first ever November game, to Green Bay. He won't do it in back-to-back weeks, not at home. Skins are 0-4 on the road, 0-2 in their division. Cowboys, 23-17. Verdict (Cowboys, 7-6). Two weeks in a row, no points for the Cowboys in the first half. This week, they waited until there were like 2 minutes left to score their first points. Thankfully for them, they were playing the Skins, and the one score was enough to win. Remember earlier this year when the Skins just, just barely beat the Rams, and we all realized there was something terribly wrong with them? Same goes for Dallas just, just barely beating Washington. Something is seriously wrong with this team.

Cleveland at Detroit (4.5): The Super Bowl of crap. Imagine - Detroit with a TWO win season! That is, statistically, infinitely better than last season. Lions, 9-6. Verdict (Lions, 38-37). Are you kidding me? THIS was the most exciting and awesome game of the entire season? I couldn't have been more wrong - I called 12 points, total. There were 12 total points by the 40 second mark in this one. Wha-happened? By the way - the Browns scored 32 percent of all the points they have this season in this game. And they still lost.

San Francisco at Green Bay (5.5): The Niners may have beaten Green Bay's division rival Bears this week, but truthfully they looked awful doing it. And the Packers looked amazing against the Cowboys. Packers, 31-21. Verdict (Packers, 30-24). Just barely covered the spread. Aaron Rodgers looked amazing and apparently got enough protection for once. But that defense let the Niners back into it late - a concern.

Buffalo at Jacksonville (8): Jacksonville and Maurice Jones-Drew had their way with the Jets. The Jets are better than the Bills. The Jaguars will have their way with the Bills. but who cares? Jaguars, 27-20. Verdict (Jaguars, 18-15). They made it a nail-biter, didn't they? The Bills held MJD to 66 yards on the ground. Terrell Owens finally broke out with a 200-yard game! And they STILL lost! The Bills suck.

Pittsburgh (10) at Kansas City: Having lost both their games to the Bengals now, the Steelers must pretty much win out to take their division. They will not let up on a weaksauce opponent like KC. Steelers, 33-17. Verdict (Chiefs, 27-24). On the plus side, you didn't lose any ground in your pool - nobody else picked this outcome either.

Seattle at Minnesota (11): The Seahawks are coming on a little of late, but if they can't beat the Cardinals given the opportunity (and they certainly were), how can they hope to compete against the Vikes? Vikings, 35-13. Verdict (Vikings, 35-9). I am so close to exactly right, that it's tantalizing. The Vikings could be the best team in football.

Atlanta at New York Giants (no line): One of the most intriguing matchups of the week. Both teams are watching their division slip away. Both are 5-4, and their seasons could go either way from here. I would even go so far as to say the winner of this game is the team I think will win one of the wild cards this season. And that winner will be...the Giants, who HAVE to turn it around sometime. Giants, 21-20. Verdict (Giants, 34-31). If the Giants can build on this win, they still have a very very good chance at their division.

New Orleans (12.5) at Tampa Bay: Why even analyze? Saints, 44-7. Verdict (Saints, 38-7). Why even analyze indeed!

Arizona (9.5) at St. Louis: The Rams probably feel decent this week, having finally won a game then played the Saints so tough. But Arizona is looking elite at the moment. Cardinals, 23-10. Verdict (Cardinals, 21-13). The Cardinals had a tougher time than they ought to have had with the Rams. Then again, most teams have had a tougher time than expected against St. Louis of late. Gotta love Stephen Jackson!

San Diego at Denver (no line): Here is the moment the season ends for the Broncos. They started 6-0, but they will finish out of the playoffs. You heard it here first. San Diego will win this division easily, thanks to their victory this weekend. Chargers, 30-24. Verdict (Chargers, 32-3). The Chargers have won five in a row, the Broncos have lost four in a row. And they got absolutely hammered in this one, in every facet of the game. Call it now - this division is OVER.

Cincinnati (9.5) at Oakland: The Raiders lost to the CHIEFS. 'Nuff said. Bengals, 36-16. Verdict (Raiders, 20-17). Again, the plus side - nobody else in your pool will have picked this one either. Always take Oakland to cover against good teams and NOT cover against bad ones.

New York Jets at New England (11): The Patriots are just way, way too powerful for the Jets. This game hinges on their response to that last-second defeat at Indy. If the defense is mad at Belicheck, they could lose. If, on the other hand, they are just generally pissed off, they will crush the Jets. Patriots, 27-13. Verdict (Patriots, 31-14). Yeah, they crushed 'em. This New England team doesn't get fazed by anything, and they are still (maybe) the most dangerous team in football. The Jets are done.

Philadelphia (2.5) at Chicago: The Bears looked like the worst team in football against the Niners last Thursday. And they have had an extra-long week to think about it. The Eagles need to start winning now, and stop licking their wounds and looking stunned. Eagles, 27-23. Verdict (Eagles, 24-20). There are still problems in Philly - the Bears aren't this good. This team is really, really missing Westbrook. Perhaps Michael Vick would make a good option out of the backfield at this point? He looked pretty good on that 35-yard run...

Tennessee at Houston (3.5): This is, actually, the toughest game for me to call. In Tennessee, I would pick the Titans in a heartbeat. I just don't know about Houston. I won't know about them all season, frankly. They could be the best team in football one week, and get beaten by Cleveland the next. Well...maybe not Cleveland. I think that coming off the bye, Houston will show rust, and the Titans momentum will carry them through. But only just. Titans, 21-20. Verdict (Titans, 23-20). Yep. Only just. The Texans didn't really show a lot of rust, coming out firing early. But the Titans are just plain winning with Vince Young at the helm.

I am 13-3 straight up this week (110-50 overall), and 12-4 against the spread (94-65-1 overall).

What I did on my Autumn vacation Part Five

2009-11-16T07:48:00.002-05:00

Obviously, I didn't blog on my vacation. I can tell, because I have written five posts today. Doc's sick after his vacation, so I'm at his computer and I have lots of time. A few last things about my time off, which was really just work without getting up early.

I bought a cookbook for the first time in my life. It's a cookbook all about barbecuing and grilling. It was a little bit useful, but then it goes off the rails halfway through. There is a section on grilling s'mores. It says to put a marshmallow on a skewer, and roast it over the barbecue. Then make a s'more. I'm never buying a cookbook again.

I somehow got into tutoring some kids, to make a little extra money before Christmas. I tutored a nice young girl in Grade Eleven physics (they have physics in grade 11 now!) one Sunday morning. Her father, (my friend Mike) left the house to go grocery shopping while I was there. Only later did it occur to me to be offended. Five years ago, no one would ever have left me alone in their house with their daughter! Now I feel old. And safe. And a little bit lame.

My sister is back living with me for the time being, as she does her teaching placement at Alta Vista school. One of the teachers with whom she works has asked me to come in to talk to the kids about radio and so forth. Which is cool, I have done that many times before at many other schools. I go in, I talk to one class at a time and ask them questions and they ask me questions and I give away some stuff and make jokes and it's all very informal. But I just got an email as I came off vacation saying they had booked the auditorium for me, and did I need power-point equipment, or something called a smart board for my presentation? I think I may be in over my head this time...

What I did on my Autumn vacation Part Four

2009-11-16T07:11:00.003-05:00

On Saturday night, I hosted a benefit gala for Operation Come Home. It was a really good time - a 60s-themed event that featured Pierre Belanger, the Chairman of the Board of Directors, dressing up in Ringo's suit from the Sgt. Pepper album cover. For a guy who complains about having to speak in public and worries about his speech, Pierre sucks it up and performs. Love it! Also performing were Gamut, a local band who were just terrific - I asked them to play, and they insisted upon doing the event for free, just to support the charity. They were great, but it was the NAC. Which meant that every twenty minutes, someone from the NAC came into the room to ask them to turn down their music. By the end of the evening, they were barely miked at all. I guess their sound was bleeding a tiny bit into the main hall where some other band was playing.

Great bunch of guys in Gamut - aside from doing cover tunes at shows like this one, they also do an Alice Cooper tribute show called mAlice & Monsters - their next show is this coming Friday at the James Street Pub. You can check out their website here.

There were a few speeches from some of the clients of Operation Come Home. Kids who have been helped by the organization in the past, and kids who are in some of their programs now. Simon, Miranda and Nicole did a great job and really highlighted why OCH is so important in this community.

The night wasn't all good, however. You see, there were two silent auction tables filled with all kinds of goodies. And my wife decided to bid on a few items. Which was fine - there was some incredible beaded jewelry done by the OCH kids in their Beadworks program that Jen wanted. And she got it. And that was great. But there was also a big pink box of Britney Spears perfume that she bid on. And although I begged the crowd to outbid my wife on this item, they did not. And we went home with a big pink box of Britney Spears perfume. Which doesn't smell like I thought it would. I thought it would smell like stripper, or like fake tan and dog food and the inside of a sweatsock. But it's actually quite nice. I just don't want it in my house, on principle.

One more great thing about the gala - I was talking to city councillor George Bedard about the 24 Hours of Homelessness event we do every year, where we sleep outside for 24 hours in January to raise awareness of the plight of kids living on the streets. And he said he would love to be a part of that event, and join us this coming January! So I'm putting it in writing right now, Mr. Bedard. I WILL be calling you early in the new year to confirm your participation!

What I did on my Autumn vacation Part Three

2009-11-16T06:49:00.002-05:00

A few times during my time off, I had to go to work anyway. (I had twelve events in my 14 days off, so really "vacation" for me means not getting up at 2:00 in the morning.) I went off to sell leather, and home renovation tax credits, and football at Tail Gators and so forth. And twice I had to come into the office to add my voice to commercials for those events. Being a little sour at having to drive such a long way for what proved to be twenty seconds of actual work, I took a rather abrasive tone for my Tail Gators commercial. I suggested that no one would be able to beat me at poker. That was a safe bet, I figured - in a WPT tournament populated with giant poker nerds, I had finished seventh in the first event and fifth in the second. I figured I would finish third and then first. Right? Makes sense to me.

When I walked into Tail Gators on Sunday, I was met with many irritated faces, and several people who took exception to me personally. Partly because I had been so aggressively pompous in my commercial, and partly because the poker tournament had been moved to 2:00. And I had been advertising 4:00 for two weeks now. I tried to explain that had someone told me the time of the tournament had been changed, I would likely have adjusted accordingly. And I apologized profusely for not having been informed. But I stood by my tough talk. I WAS going to win this tournament, even though I was starting an hour late. I was dealt in, and had the low chip stack at my table, but right away, on the first hand, I was dealt two aces. Some sucker beside me went all in. Some other sucker on my other side went all in. And I of course followed suit. (No pun intended.) And I lost. First hand of the game. I was out. So I sat and watched football and ate chicken wings and drank beer and gave a way a ton of shirts and hats and DVDs for the rest of the afternoon.

At least the Packers won!

What I did on my Autumn vacation Part Two

2009-11-16T06:40:00.002-05:00

On Hallowe'en night, I hosted a benefit for the Ottawa Humane Society dressed as a Teletubby. (I have the costume, may as well make use of it!) Les Emerson and the Hitmen played, which was a big draw, but not quite big enough to fill up the Ukranian Hall on Byron. There were a bunch of door prizes, some of which were hot air balloon rides and hotel stays, some of which were cat food. I met a lovely young lady from the Humane Society, who took several pictures (including one of a charming older lady wearing my teletubby head). But in the intervening two weeks, having been on vacation and having left parts of my brain behind here and there, I have forgotten her name and lost her business card. So I won't be posting those pictures. But a good time was had by all, I think. All of the fifty or so people who were there.

What I did on my autumn vacation...Part One

2009-11-16T06:23:00.002-05:00

I was pretty worried when, on Day One of my two-week vacation, I came home to find one of our walls painted. There was a ladder in the house, and paint cans and paint rollers and tape and drop cloths and so on. My first thought was, of course, that since I had two weeks off work, my wife had found something time-consuming for me to do. This turned out not to be the case, however, and I was much relieved. This was her project, and hers alone, and she didn't trust me to do any of this myself. So I installed a towel rack (which is about the extent of my handyman ability), raked some leaves, and got snow tires put on the cars. And my around-the-house job was done.

Then on Saturday morning I went to Home Depot for a live commercial where I was trying to convince people to come in for a seminar on the Home Renovation Tax Credit. And I started kicking myself - we (or, rather, my wife) had started a whole series of home renovations, and we hadn't kept any receipts and had no idea how much we'd spent. Then I discovered that the credit applies only to home renovations that cost more than $1,000. And even then, it's a tax credit that's really worth your while when you approach ten grand in home repairs. I think we may have spent $78. No tax credit for us.

Just a thought - the Home Reno Tax Credit (HRTC) is applied to the 2009 tax return. You have until February 1st of 2010 to spend your money in order to be eligible for this one-time tax credit. The idea, I guess, is that it's a way of stimulating the economy through more people purchasing more things. Which is fine. But it still hasn't passed in the House of Commons. And although every party has said that they will keep the HRTC intact, they're still asking people to do these projects on faith. Assuming that the thing will pass before it's too late, and assuming that the repairs and renovations they are doing now will be covered. I'm sure it will all work out in the end...but to ask people to do something this big now, where they have to get it done before they even know for sure whether they can claim the tax rebate, requires a pretty big leap of faith.

NFL picks week 10

2009-11-10T02:51:00.011-05:00

I am now 87-42 straight up, and 74-54-1 against the spread. Make your picks early - Thursday games start this week!

Chicago at San Francisco (3): Both these teams have looked weaker and weaker of late. The Niners, however, looked a little tougher to me against a suddenly-good Titans team, while the Bears appeared to throw in the towel early on against the Cardinals. Niners, 24-20. Verdict (Niners, 10-6). Well, I said the Niners would win by four. And they sure won by four. Thank goodness I don't play over-under! A solid defensive battle, but the Bears killed themselves. The fact that they even had a shot at the end of this game to win it was ridiculous. They got penalties on every play. Cutler threw five interceptions, several in the red zone. Frankly, the fact that this game was not a blowout for the Niners says more about the poor play of the Niners than it does about the defense of the Bears.

Detroit at Minnesota (16.5): Well, as far as no-brainers go...the Lions looked pretty awful in the second half against the lowly Seahawks, who spotted them 17 points before storming back. The Vikings will not spot the Lions 17 points. They will just obliterate them. Vikings, 35-10. Verdict (Vikings, 27-10). Well, they covered the spread, I guess. I thought they would win a little bigger. Oh well, it took the Vikings a little while to start rolling on offense. But what a powerhouse team this is.

Atlanta (1.5) at Carolina: The Panthers are all of a sudden a pretty dangerous team. Although they lost to New Orleans, they played awfully tough and held onto their big lead for much longer than I thought possible. In a divisional matchup, anything is possible. And I think the Panthers loss to the Saints was more impressive than the Falcons win over the Skins. Panthers, 21-17. Verdict (Panthers, 28-19). Look out for Carolina. I wouldn't pick them to make the playoffs...yet...but they will most definitely make things difficult for every team they play from here on in.

Denver (4) at Washington: Just what the Broncos need to get off their mini-slide. Sure, they've lost two games in a row. And yes, they have been exposed both on defense and on offense by two pretty good teams. But the Redskins are not even close to the Steelers or Ravens, and they will help Denver work out the kinks. Broncos, 27-21. Verdict (Redskins, 27-17). The Skins are not this good. It appears that Denver is really, really coming back down to Earth. And the Chargers will now win this division with ease, as everyone expected they would early in the season. Figures it would happen in the only game of the season where I pick the Broncos!

Cincinnati at Pittsburgh (7): The most interesting game of the week, I think. The Steelers are in fine form, and have looked very impressive since their shaky start. The Bengals are likely the most under-rated team in football. Bengals are perfect on the road, Steelers are perfect at home. And the winner will have a huge leg up when it comes to taking the division. I am a little more confident in the Steelers, still. Apparently, so is Vegas - two almost identical teams, record wise and otherwise, and the Steelers are favoured by SEVEN? I don't think so. Steelers, 24-21. Verdict (Bengals, 18-12). Huh. I guess the Steelers shouldn't have been favoured by seven. Or, maybe, they shouldn't have been favoured at all. The Bengals are the better team.

Tampa Bay at Miami (10): The Buccaneers made all the right moves last week. Rookie QB comes in and tears it up, the team gets a bounce in their step and gains a huge amount of confidence. On the other hand, they are still Tampa Bay, and the rest of the team is still just awful. But all of a sudden they have some fight in them. Dolphins, 27-25. Verdict (Dolphins, 25-23). Bang-on! For the second time this week! I feel so good about myself...Tampa really does have some fight in them now. Look out in coming weeks.

Jacksonville at New York Jets (6.5): Remember when the Jets looked like they might be the best team in football? Yeah, me either. The Jaguars are a hit-and-miss team, and if Maurice Jones-Drew gets going they could blow up the Jets. If they can keep him even a little in check, they should be OK. Jacksonville just barely squeaked by the awful Chiefs this week, and I'm going with the Jets off the bye. Jets, 22-17. Verdict (Jaguars, 24-22). The Jets looked pretty rusty off the bye, and they couldn't stop MJD. The Jaguars covered the spread, but they could have won by much, much more.

New Orleans (14) at St. Louis: The Saints are on such a roll right now, they would be favoured over any team. They are still beating even the tough teams by double digits week in and week out. They won't have nearly that much trouble with the Rams. Saints, 44-13. Verdict (Saints, 28-23). The Saints losing this game (and they could have lost) would have been the biggest upset of the season. I am inclined to believe that the Rams covering this spread almost qualifies as the biggest upset in itself!

Buffalo at Tennessee (6.5): The Titans are seriously thinking they have a chance to make the playoffs. Seriously. After starting the season 0-6, they have won two straight, and would need to run the table just for a shot at a wild card. They will continue the attempt against the hapless Bills. But 6.5 points IS too many. Six is enough. Titans, 27-21. Verdict (Titans, 41-17). OK, six was not nearly enough. Look out for these Titans! 9-7 could be a wild-card in the AFC!

Kansas City at Oakland (1.5): Who cares? Well, I guess gamblers. Oakland's at home. That's almost, kind of, an edge I guess. Raiders, 13-10. Verdict (Chiefs, 16-10). Yeah. Who cares.

Dallas (3) at Green Bay: My heart really, really wants to believe that the Packers can win this. But they just let the winless Bucs kick their asses, and Romo and the Cowboys are on fire. Dallas is always terrific in November. But wait until December and the cold weather...wait! It's cold in Green Bay! Packers, 17-16. Verdict (Packers, 17-7). I hate to complain, but a shutout would have been nice. The Packers are not all that good, although they played a great game. The Cowboys are most definitely over-rated, and their slide begins now.

Seattle at Arizona (8.5): The Cardinals look to be rounding into form at the midway point of the season. But they are 1-3 at home and really have not played well there. Then again, the Seahawks are winless on the road. They should remain winless, but it will be closer than it should be. Cardinals, 33-29. Verdict (Cardinals, 31-20). The Seahawks were game, but the big-play Cardinals showed up in the second half to decide the game. The Cardinals may be an elite team again.

Philadelphia at San Diego (2.5): The Eagles have been sadly, and tumultuously, inconsistent this season. So have the Chargers. The Chargers can smell blood (I hope they can, anyway) now that the Broncos have lost two straight. But I will take an above-average NFC team over an above-average AFC team in any game this year. Eagles, 29-27. Verdict (Chargers, 31-23). Is this the beginning of the Chargers resurgence? Or the end of the Eagles' greatness? I am betting on the latter, since the Chargers are now tied for the division lead with the tanking Broncos, and they will win it easily.

New England at Indianapolis (3): Always a huge game. Always a good one. The Colts have squeaked out a couple of wins of late against lesser opponents, but there's no way they aren't getting up for their arch-rivals. And right now, the Colts are the better team. Colts, 30-25. Verdict (Colts, 35-34). I am not one of those people who are calling for Belicheck's head after that 4th-and-2 gamble. Either way, they were going to have to stop the Colts from scoring. And I don't believe they could have done so, regardless of field position. Their only hope was to hang on to the ball and run the clock down. The downside for the Patriots (other than the loss) is that the defense might feel pretty slighted by Belicheck now, and he might have cost them a lot of confidence in the coming weeks. That could end up being bigger than this loss to a great team.

Baltimore (10.5) at Cleveland: The Ravens ARE over-rated. Their defense is not what it used to be, and their offense is sketchy. But at their worst, Baltimore is still 10 points better than the Browns. There are high school teams that are three points better. Ravens, 30-17. Verdict (16-0 Baltimore). What was I thinking picking the Browns to score 17 points? I must have my head up my ass. The rest was pretty accurate though.

I am currently 10-5 straight up this week (97-47 overall), and 8-7 against the spread (82-61-1 overall).

Apologies.

2009-11-05T21:51:00.005-05:00

I attempted to upload a video in my last post of actor Tony Plana, giving a cheesy, painful, yet badass speech in his role as the warden in the Steven Seagal suckfest Half Past Dead. I introduced that clip by claiming it was Yankees skipper Joe Girardi talking tough in prison. But the video didn't appear to work. Had it actually worked, it would have been very, very funny. But since it didn't work, it was not funny, and made little sense. I am leaving that post up, hoping that the site hosting the video gets fixed, and then you too can get in on the joke. In the meantime, I will provide you with a few photos:

Two are of Girardi, two of Plana. See how similar they look? Wouldn't it have been funny to see the video of the tough talk with Steven Seagal, thinking it was Girardi? I'm almost ever so clever.

Congratulations Yankees

2009-11-05T12:28:00.002-05:00

I like Derek Jeter, Hideki Matsui and Mariano Rivera. Those are about the only good things I can say about the Yankees, a team I loathe. But they won the World Series, and I stayed up to 1:00 last night hoping against hope for a Phillies comeback. So congratulations. The best thing about the series being over is that I will no longer have to look at that irritatingly serene and smug look on Girardi's face on the bench. Here is a clip of Girardi being smug and irritating, in prison:

NFL picks week nine

2009-11-03T09:46:00.006-05:00

After last week, I am 79-37 straight up overall, and 65-50-1 against the spread.

Washington at Atlanta (no line): This pick is more about the Falcons than it is about the Skins. Washington's season is over. It has been done for a long time, even when they were 2-2 they were still downright awful. The Falcons put up a seriously tough, spirited and impressive fight against the Saints this week, and I think they will take out the frustration of that too-close loss on the hapless Redskins. Or, they could be crushed and demoralized, and let the Skins get within ten points. Falcons, 33-10. Verdict (Falcons, 31-17). Yep. The Falcons won by 14 points. They must have been demoralized.

Baltimore (3) at Cincinnati: The Ravens knocked off the unbeaten Broncos, exposing both their offense and their defense as over-rated. But then, the Broncos were of course over-rated. The Bengals remain under-rated, having started the season 5-2 but not factoring into any discussions of the top-flight teams. Here's the thing though. The Bengals, who have been surprising and terrific, are just mediocre at home. Carson Palmer has been mediocre in Cincy. And I believe the Ravens are hungrier right now than are the Bengals. Ravens, 21-17. Verdict (Bengals, 17-7). Nope. The Bengals are hungrier. And they are under-rated. And the Ravens are over-rated. Maybe they really did deserve to lose those three earlier games.

Kansas City at Jacksonville (7): It is now the part of the season where team defense rankings and team offense rankings actually start to mean something. The Chiefs are third-last in the NFL in offense, and third-last in total defense. They have been coming on of late, but not enough to beat the Jaguars in Jacksonville. The Jaguars are far better at home than they are on the road, and the Chiefs have been just dreadful away from KC. Jaguars, 21-17. Verdict (Jaguars, 24-21). Jacksonville is still not a good team. They may be 4-4 but they are inconsistent and they struggle to win games they should dominate. They need more than MJD.

Green Bay (10) at Tampa Bay: The Buccaneers are the last winless team in the NFL, and they deserve to be. They have been simply awful, all season long. And there is no respite in sight. The Packers pretty well kissed their chances at a division title goodbye with that loss this week to the Vikings, but I have to think they are one of the top contenders for a wild card berth in the NFC. They need this game, and they will destroy the hapless Bucs. Packers, 27-7. Verdict (Buccaneers, 38-28). Ummm...any given Sunday, right? At least I have the comfort of thinking this one might have knocked some people out of my eliminator pool!

Miami at New England (11): This is (seriously) a very tough call. The Dolphins are much better than their record indicates. The Dolphins have a very good run defense, although their pass defense has been suspect so far. Then again, they have played some very very good passing offenses. The Patriots are a great passing offense (#3), but they can't run the ball too well. Miami can. They are the third-ranked rushing offense in the whole NFL. If they can control the clock, and there's a good chance they can, they have a really good shot in this game. The Patriots are unbeaten at home, and likely to stay unbeaten at home, but this could easily be a trap game. Patriots, 24-21. Verdict (Patriots, 27-17). The Pats may have won by double digits, but it was closer than that. And although New England did a pretty darn good job of shutting down the wildcat, they still had way too much trouble with the Dolphins, who have had a really tough schedule and are still better than their record.

Houston at Indianapolis (9.5): The Colts had a real shock this week, as the Niners came very, very close to winning. Too close. I think Indianapolis had just about their worst game of the season, and although the Niners deserve a lot of credit for the way they played, it was more a bad game from Indy than a good game from San Fran. Now, Houston has been a team of ups and downs all season long. Luckily for them, those ups and downs have been coming within games of late, and the Texans have been able to win those games. Against the Colts, that will not be possible. Houston needs a full, 60-minute, hard effort to even keep this one close. I think they'll get it. And keep this one close. Like, within a touchdown. Colts, 27-21. Verdict (Colts, 20-17). Yeah, Houston's best effort isn't quite enough to knock off the Colts, missed kick or no. By the way - what was with Houston waiting at the 2:00 warning at the end of the first half? They don't run a play, when they clearly could have, letting the clock run down, taking the two-minute warning, and letting the Colts look at the video and ask for a challenge. Instead of going in for a TD, they lose the ball on a touchback. The most important play of the game, and the coaches screwed up bad. Just run a play!

Arizona at Chicago (3): What is up with the Cardinals? They beat the Giants convincingly, then lose to Carolina. Convincingly. I am convinced of nothing. They are 1-3 at home, 3-0 on the road. The Bears are 3-0 at home, 1-3 on the road. And what's up with the Bears? They have a winning record, but they have beaten only one good team all season - the Steelers in Week 2, when Pittsburgh was in disarray. I just don't think the Bears are good enough to hang with a good team. So if the good Arizona Cardinals show up this week, they will beat the Bears. I think they probably will. Cardinals, 32-25. Verdict (Cardinals 41-21). The good Cardinals showed up. And the Bears aren't good enough to hang with a good team. I think Chicago's season is over.

Carolina at New Orleans (no line): The Saints are unstoppable. How do you beat this team? Well first, you have to score on every possession. (The Panthers were doing that this week against the Cardinals.) Second, you have to score touchdowns on every possession. Third, you can't turn the ball over. And fourth, you have to control the clock - long, tough, grinding drives that leave Drew Brees with no time to come back and score. So make sure you get your points less than 30 seconds before half time. How do you avoid turning the ball over? Don't throw it near Darren Sharper. Or the corners. In fact, just don't throw the ball. So the only way to beat the Saints is to run the ball, on every play, and get four yards every single time, and score TDs without throwing the ball. Do you see the Panthers doing that? Me either. Saints, 49-17. Verdict (Saints, 30-20). New Orleans survived another scare, and proved once again they can come back from a huge deficit in just one half. Or one quarter. Or two minutes.

Detroit at Seattle (10): Another fascinating game involving the Lions. Ugh. The Seahawks are awful, but they aren't quite Detroit awful. Yet. The Seahawks are ranked near the middle of the league in both offense and defense, and the Lions are near the bottom in both. After this game, Seattle could have a winning record at home! But they will still be garbage. Seattle, 20-13. Verdict (Seahawks, 32-20). The Seahawks really came back hard after the Lions leaped out to a giant lead early on. The Lions have the ability to do that. They just don't have the ability to hang on to that league. And Seattle now has a winning record at home.

San Diego at New York Giants (4.5): This really is the most interesting matchup of the week. The Giants were exposed by the Saints, and now all the other teams can see their defensive shortcomings. And they have taken advantage of those, for three straight games. If any team (other than New Orleans) has the firepower to exploit those weaknesses, it ought to be the Chargers. But they have not been able to put a huge effort together all season long. Both teams desperately need this game, but I just don't trust the Chargers to be able to game-plan as well as the Eagles or Cardinals or Saints. Giants, 24-22. Verdict (Chargers, 21-20). The Chargers were able to game-plan decently. But they relied on a virtually miraculous finish after throwing that pick and managing to hold the Giants to a field goal. Gotta be good to be lucky, and so forth.

Tennessee at San Francisco (4): The Titans throw in Vince Young, finally. And they win a game! Finally. And they win convincingly! Finally. Now, the Jaguars are pretty bad, and the game doesn't mean that much, but San Fran needs to win games like this one if they hope to be in playoff contention this season. The Titans are coming on, and they could be a handful, but the Niners should win this matchup in San Francisco. But it won't be easy. Niners, 21-20. Verdict (Titans, 34-27). Could the rumours be right? That the Titans will run the table and make the playoffs after starting 0-7? It is entirely possible. They proved they were tough today, and although the Niners looked tough for a while, they couldn't hold it together.

Dallas at Philadelphia (3): The Cowboys have won three straight, the Eagles two. Both teams are 5-2, both are 3-1 at home and 2-1 on the road. They are both 4-1 in their last five. They are 4-1 in conference and 1-1 out of conference. The Eagles are #10 in defense, Dallas is #2 on offense. The Cowboys are #22 in defense, the Eagles are #15 on offense. (15+10=25, 22+2=24.) There appears to be very little daylight separating these two teams. But look a little closer. Say, at the two losses. The Eagles were without Donovan McNabb when they lost to the best team in football, the Saints. Then they had that crazy blip where they lost a fluke to the Raiders. The Cowboys have lost to the Giants (who no longer look so impressive) and Denver (I would say the same thing about the Broncos). The Eagles beat Carolina by 28, Dallas beat them by 14. Philly beat Kansas City by 20, Dallas beat them by 6. Dallas beat Tampa Bay by 13, the Eagles beat them by 19. Dallas has beaten one good team - Atlanta, in Dallas. They will not beat another. Eagles, 35-18. Verdict (Cowboys, 20-16). Maybe I over-analyzed this one. Maybe the Cowboys are...actually good. When the Eagles get healthy again (IF they do), look out!

Pittsburgh (3) at Denver: The Broncos were exposed this week. Laid bare, as it were. I don't think they'll have a fall like the Giants have since being knocked out of the ranks of the unbeaten. After all, in the next few weeks they play San Diego and the Giants at home, and their other games come against Washington, Oakland and two against Kansas City. If it weren't for two road games against Philadelphia and Indianapolis, they'd have it really easy. They could still go 13-3. But they won't, because Pittsburgh is all of a sudden looking like the team that won the Super Bowl last year. And they are similar to the Ravens both on offense and defense. Similar enough, anyway, to watch this week's game tape, and find all the holes in that Broncos defense. And the Broncos offense. I'm calling it right now. The Broncos will finish the season 11-5 and their slide starts Monday night. Steelers, 24-20. Verdict (Steelers, 28-10). Well, it took a half, but the Steelers sure figured out how to exploit that Broncos defense. I don't know what adjustments they made, per se, but I imagine other teams will be looking at that game tape closely. The Broncos might be starting their slide just as the Chargers (finally, maybe) are coming together. Thank God I was right about this one, which salvaged my bad week a little bit.

I am now 8-5 this week straight up (87-42 overall), and 9-4 against the spread (74-54-1 overall).

My vacation has begun. Now the work starts.

2009-10-30T23:33:00.003-04:00

I'm on vacation the next two weeks. Which means I will likely not be checking email, or answering my phone. But I will be working. As follows...

Tomorrow night it's the Humane Society benefit concert at the Ukranian Centre on Byron. Les Emmerson and the Hitmen are playing, only 25 bucks to get in. Call Sharon at 613-792-3481 for tickets.

Tomorrow from 11-3, then again on Thursday 2-6, and once more next Saturday from 11-3, I'll be selling leather at the big leather sale at the Embassy West hotel. I have officially run out of things to say about leather after three years, so I am taking suggestions on location for new takes.

November 14th, Saturday, from 8:00-noon I'm doing a live commercial at Home Depot. I don't yet know which Home Depot. Or what I will be selling.

November 14th in the evening, I'm hosting the Operation Come Home 60s themed gala event at the NAC. Tickets are still available at www.operationcomehome.ca, and Gamut will be our band for the evening. (They are also doing their Alice Cooper tribute show the previous evening, Friday November 13th, at Greenfields on Greenbank.)

November 15th is the next NFL event at Tail Gators. The first time I played in the WPT event there, I finished 7th. Last time I finished 5th. There are two more events, I plan to beat the brains out of the poker nerds and finish 3rd and 1st. And make no mistake - there are poker nerds there. Once again, free pool for all CHEZ nation members all day long at Tail Gators, a free poker tournament with excellent prizes, and I will be bringing a bunch of great prizes for halftime myself. It all gets under way around 3:30.

After the Tail Gators event, I will relax for half an hour and go to bed. Then it's back to work.

Interview with director Pepita Ferrari

2009-10-29T09:50:00.002-04:00

Pepita Ferrari is a Canadian documentary director who recently released Capturing Reality: The Art of Documentary on DVD. It's a really fascinating...documentary...about documentaries. And the people who make them. I know, it sounds really nerdy. And, to an extent, it is. But it's also a good film, and I hope that people who aren't documentary nerds will watch it. To hear the interview I just did with Pepita Ferrari, click here. To check out the website (where you can watch pretty much the whole film), click here. I think you'll be glad you did.

Trailer for new John Lennon movie "Nowhere Boy"

2009-10-29T02:53:00.001-04:00

Humane Society event coming up Saturday

2009-10-28T06:01:00.002-04:00

This Saturday - Hallowe'en night - a fundraiser at the Ukranian Hall (1000 Byron) for the Ottawa Humane Society. Les Emerson and the Hitmen are the featured entertainment, and there will also be a bunch of prizes for costumes (animal and non-animal alike). I'm hosting. Space is limited, so you have to reserve your tickets ahead of time. Do so by calling this number:

Sharon - 613-792-3481

Here is a picture of a dog to tug at your heartstrings and convince you to go:

Some videos, if anyone is interested

2009-10-28T05:14:00.003-04:00

'Cause I'm not, really. Here's Slash with the Black Eyed Peas last night at the Rose Bowl in L.A.

And here's Van Halen lip-synching "Unchained" on some French TV show in 1981:

And Gov't Mule (Warren Haynes of the Allman Brothers) with Joe Bonamassa from Sunday:

Okay. That's it. New videos are everywhere.

Mark McGwire isn't so bad. He's only rock & roll.

2009-10-27T16:05:00.005-04:00

I looked carefully while I toured the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame, but I saw no asterisks. I assumed that there would be little asterisks beside the names of the Beatles and Jimi Hendrix and Kurt Cobain and The Doors and the Jefferson Airplane and Janis Joplin and Big Brother and the Holding Company and Bob Dylan and Crosby Stills and Nash and the Rolling Stones and Led Zeppelin and Aerosmith and Guns N Roses and the Grateful Dead and Pink Floyd and the Velvet Underground and Blue Cheer and Gram Parsons and the Byrds and the 13th Floor Elevators and Shadows of Knight and Johnny Cash and the Faces and the Small Faces and the Yardbirds and Eric Clapton and Cream and Traffic and Deep Purple and Iron Butterfly and Black Sabbath and Ozzy Osbourne. And others.

After all, weren't those artists aided by performance-enhancing drugs? Didn't they take LSD and heroin and quaint '60s drugs like qualudes, whatever those were? It should at least be acknowledged that their musical superiority was not a result of their hard work and natural talent, but rather a chemically-induced excellence that was more smoke and mirrors than it was blood sweat and tears? Pardon the awful pun...

It occured to me, however, that we have a pretty big double standard when it comes to drugs and celebrities. We mock Lindsay Lohan because she's 25 and looks like Keith Richards, but we do so only because she has never released an album like American Beauty. When Sylvester Stallone gets busted with steroids, who cares? If Hugh Jackman took steroids to look ridiculously huge for Wolverine, who would care? It can't be any less healthy than Christian Bale losing 210 pounds for The Machinist or Robert DeNiro putting on 210 pounds for Raging Bull. All of this is just performance enhancement. But if you take steroids and then hit 50 home runs, we care. We care deeply. And we wring our hands and tear our hair out because the integrity of the game is at stake!

This supposes, of course, one of two things. Either music and movies and Hollywood in general don't have anywhere near the integrity of Major League Baseball, and we hold them to a lower standard. But I don't think that's likely. After all, Lawrence Taylor is still one of the most revered figures in sports. Doc Gooden and Darryl Strawberry are still remembered with fondness. Dock Ellis threw a no-hitter on acid! And losers like me remember the feat fondly in blog posts. But if we ever met Manny Ramirez, we would kick him square in the balls for sullying the image of the game we love so much. What's the difference here? Steroids make people bigger. Heroin doesn't. That hot chick at the bar would probably pick me over a guy on heroin. But she would probably pick the guy on steroids over me. And I'm jealous. I could take up heroin, but I would look less and less attractive, and I would never release Nevermind. Or, I could take steroids and look more attractive. I would never hit 30 homers, but I might go home with that redhead.

Now Mark McGwire is the St. Louis Cardinals' new hitting coach. And from what I am hearing, this means the end of Sports Integrity and possibly the end of American Civilization. This is true. The four horsemen are, indeed, nigh. Jimi Hendrix is now teaching guitar to your kids. And he's wearing that acid-dispensing headband. And isn't it time we took that Oscar away from DeNiro?

New Cynical Cinema reviews

2009-10-27T15:30:00.003-04:00

The Tournament - One of those movies where assassins compete for tons of money by killing each other off. I am embarassed to say I enjoyed it. But I did.

Tales From the Darkside Season Two - Still campy and fun after all these years. Lots of aliens!

The Fugitive Season Three Volume One - I hate TV DVDs that are split into volumes. But I like The Fugitive. It was good.

Mannix Season Three - There was never, in all of history, a good private investigator TV series. Mannix might have been the best of the crap.

The Guardian Season One - A weird early-200s show about a lawyer doing good deeds. Or something. It was all over the place.

Where the Wild Things Are - Beautiful, but boring. Like Jennifer Aniston. And paintings of fruit.

Land of the Lost - This movie is lost. And by that I mean it sucks.

Year One - This movie also sucks. Michael Cera and Jack Black notwithstanding. Or withstanding. Whatever.

Oh, the Cleveland Browns.

2009-10-27T09:24:00.003-04:00

It was kind of sad to see the Browns fans filing into their stadium on Sunday. Downcast already at the prospect of yet another humiliating loss, having already given the game up as a foregone conclusion. The stands were at maybe 3/4 capacity at kickoff, a little less after the first quarter, and down to about 50% by halftime. More people left during the third quarter than left at the end of the game, and by the time my Packers wrapped up their 31-3 dismantling of one of the NFL's worst teams, few Browns fans remained to lament the loss.

Part of this was, of course, due to drunkenness. The people we befriended during the tailgate party before the game were long gone, having been hauled away during the first or second quarter by security and police and other official folks who were not inclined to let fans sleep under their seats or vomit on children. Of course, we commisserated with those new friends after the game, agreeing that of course the security people are Nazis. Sure, we said. The least they could have done was to allow you to finish urinating before leading you away from the hot dog vendor's garbage can.

The people in Cleveland were uniformly friendly, whether sober or drunk. We felt that with our Packers jerseys on, we would be the target of some unfriendly stares, or at the very least some good natured ribbing. But this was not the case. Instead, we were met with vacuous stares and brief acknowledgements that our presence in the city was at least a little helpful to their economy. The beer part of it anyway. With many of the locals we talked football. Although they seemed to have entirely blocked the subject out of their collective minds.

I would mention the flu epidemic sweeping the Browns' locker room, and be met with the same vacuous stare.
"How about the Braylon Edwards saga?"
"He's that guy who punched LeBron's midget friend? I think I remember him. I might even be wearing his jersey, I'm not sure."
"Isn't it time to put Brady Quinn back in for Derek Anderson?"
"Quinn...Quinn...does he still live here? I thought he was selling his house."
"No, he's still here. He plays backup quarterback for the Browns."
"Maybe he should punch one of LeBron's friends. At least he'd get to leave this stupid team."

I couldn't tell whether the beer was meant to numb the pain that was sure to be incurred watching the Browns play, or whether they were intending to steel themselves for the beating their team was sure to suffer in a few hours. Either way, by halftime I realized that the game was irrelevant anyway. They would be gone after a quarter of "football" anyway. It wasn't just the Browns fans though. The friendly Packers fans from Long Island who were beside us in the parking lot had been ejected within six minutes. I could have seen that coming, I suppose. After all, by the time the game started they had taken more shots than Pacino did in Scarface.

They missed most of what proved to be a pretty uninteresting game. It was over by the time they were tossed out, six minutes in. The Browns operation is a pretty bare-bones excercise. No cheerleaders, nothing going on in the commercial breaks, no halftime show of note, just fans and beer and terrible football. And I love it. We sat near enough to the Dawg Pound to watch some of the more interesting conflicts and displays that arose during the game, which was better than any cheerleaders or halftime show could have been. It appears that at least forty Cleveland Browns fans will support their team through thick and thin. Things are pretty thin right now. So don't talk about Braylon Edwards or Derek Anderson. Soon LeBron James will be playing basketball. And then the whole city can forget that football even exists until next season begins.

NFL picks week 8.

2009-10-27T07:16:00.007-04:00

Seattle at Dallas (9.5): Which Tony Romo will show up? The one who torched the Falcons last week, or the one who played the other five games for the Cowboys this season? I don't think it matters. The Seahawks are weak and just getting weaker. But they aren't 10 points weaker than Dallas. Cowboys, 27-20. Verdict (Cowboys, 38-17): I didn't think the 'Boys would stomp Seattle this badly, but all those injuries on the Seahawks are taking their toll in a big way. This will be a pretty bad team from here on in.

St. Louis at Detroit (no line): Well, this is the game everyone will be recording on their PVR, isn't it? Or not...the Lions have a chance to win two games, which is better than most thought they could do. This might also be the best chance the Rams have for a victory all season. My bet is that they won't get it. Lions, 21-20. Verdict (Rams, 17-10): Barnburner! Now Tampa Bay is the only winless team. And the only one with a chance to match last year's Lions!

Miami at New York Jets (4): The Jets looked incredible while thumping the Raiders last week, but then it was the Raiders. Miami looked incredible (for the first half) against the Saints. I'll take one half of terrific football against New Orleans over ten games of terrific football against Oakland. Miami wins this one as long as they can hang on in the 4th quarter. Dolphins, 33-30. Verdict (Dolphins 30-25): Pretty darn close. The Dolphins' wildcat didn't look terribly effective against a tough Jets defense, but Ted Ginn is worth something after all! He sure can't catch, but if he does that every week, keep the man around! Even if he does it once a year, keep him around!

San Francisco at Indianapolis (11): Poor Niners. They had a chance for a big comeback win over the Texans, but fell just short. Now they have to go to Indy, where they will be running into the Peyton Manning buzzsaw offense and a pretty darn good defense. The Niners will need to throw the ball well to stay in this game - but they haven't thrown for more than 200 yards all season. It won't happen this week. Colts, 37-24. Verdict (Colts, 18-14): Those Niners made it pretty dang tough. I like San Fran still, and I think they will have a reasonably successful season, but the Colts proved at the end that the Niners are still not in Indy's league, even when they have an off day.

Cleveland at Chicago (13.5): Just the tonic the Bears need to wash the taste of last week's beating out of their mouth. The Bengals crushed Chicago about as thoroughly as one team can beat another. As did the Packers, to the Browns. The Bears are a better team. Much, much better than the Browns, who are putrid. Bears, 20-6. Verdict (Bears, 30-6): Close, again. The Browns are indeed putrid.

Denver at Baltimore (3.5): The Ravens have lost three in a row, thanks to questionable officiating in the first two (against very good teams) and a last-second missed field goal against the then-undefeated Vikings. What this means is that the Ravens are not as good as we thought they were three games in. But they are awfully close. And coming off the bye, they are going to turn things around. It starts with Denver at home, and another undefeated team comes back down to earth. But the Broncos will cover. Ravens, 17-14. Verdict (Ravens, 30-7): Well, I picked the Broncos to cover. And they sure didn't. I think it's back down to earth time for Denver, and the Ravens are headed back to the top of the league. Finally.

New York Giants at Philadelphia (3): A lot depends on the health of Brian Westbrook, who suffered a concussion on Monday night against the Redskins. And who would have thought the Giants would lose two in a row after starting 5-0? Who would think they could lose three in a row? Well, me. If Westbrook is healthy, the Eagles win this game. I'm betting he will be. Eagles, 36-31. Verdict (Eagles, 40-17): Even without Westbrook, the Eagles hammered the Giants. After that Saints game, it looks like every team knows just how to exploit the Giants defense, which has been hurt by some injuries. Things aren't looking up in NY.

Houston (3.5) at Buffalo: The Texans sure are Jeckyll and Hyde. I'm thinking, however, that the Bad Texans showed up in the second half against the 49ers, and therefore it's out of their system for this game against the weak Bills. Despite some surprising wins against better teams, the Bills are still terrible. Texans, 24-17. Verdict (Texans, 31-10): Houston is, again, Jekyll and Hyde. This time, Hyde showed up in the first half, while Jekyll pulled out a destructive attack in the second. If this team could put a full game together, they'd be formidable.

4:00 -- Jacksonville at Tennessee (3): The Titans are, without a doubt, the biggest disappointment of the season. They have looked absolutely dreadful in just about every single game, since taking the Steelers to overtime in Week One. Both these teams are coming off a bye, so there is no edge there. But the Titans are coming off a bye and a 59-point drubbing at the hands of the Patriots. If nothing else, they have had two weeks to find a way to restore their pride. I'm betting they have done so. Titans, 21-17. Verdict (Titans, 30-13): The Jaguars are awful. Simply awful. A little bit (a very small amount) of pride is back in Tennessee.

Oakland at San Diego (16.5): The Raiders are back where they should be - getting hammered by teams like the Jets. And the Chargers are back where they should be - destroying teams like the Chiefs. Kansas City and Oakland are similar teams. So this game should end with a similar result. Chargers, 33-13. Verdict (Chargers, 24-16): You just can't trust those Chargers to cover a spread, ever. And you also can't count on the Raiders to lie down and take it when they ought to. Big win, however, for San Diego.

Minnesota at Green Bay (3): I'm holding my breath here. I am picking against the Vikings for the second straight week. I have yet to be wrong on a Vikings game all season, and they looked pretty darn good even in losing to the Steelers last week. The Packers looked fantastic against the Browns, but then that's a poor indicator of their actual level. I thought Minnesota would win in Minnesota, and I thought the Pack would win in Green Bay. I still think that. Packers, 23-21. Verdict (Vikings, 38-26): It looked like a blowout for a while, but Aaron Rogers and the Pack are a tough bunch. I loved the way Rodgers played in this game, but Favre always seems to rise to the occasion, doesn't he?

Sunday night -- Carolina at Arizona (9): The Cardinals are coming on, in a big way. The Panthers are falling farther and farther every week. But I think they still have some pride left and will make it fairly close. Cardinals 29-22. Verdict (Panthers, 34-21): Maybe it was moving the game to make room for the World Series. Or maybe it was just the Cardinals having a really, really off day. Either way, this one seems to be more of an anomaly than anything else. Delhomme outplays Warner, by a lot. On what planet?

Monday night -- Atlanta at New Orleans (8.5): This will be something of a test for the Saints. But if they get through this game with a win (and I think they will), then they will be playing Carolina, Tampa and St. Louis in weeks 9 10 and 11. Which means we will see them go to 10-0. Saints, 38-28. Verdict (Saints, 35-27): Darn close. If only the Falcons had gone for the TD instead of the field goal at the end there, and missed...anyway. Now the Saints have won games every possible way this year, even those games (this one) where they tried to give it away. The Falcons could prove to be the toughest opponent the Saints face all season, as they steamroll through a pretty easy schedule from here on in.

I am 10-3 this week straight up (79-37 overall) and 7-6 against the spread this week (65-50-1 overall).

Cleveland Rocks. A little bit, anyway.

2009-10-27T02:47:00.003-04:00

Or, rather, Cleveland rocked. But it's over now. Mike, Jeff, George and I took the 7-hour trip down to Cleveland on Saturday for the Browns-Packers game (which ended up being a rather boring rout). We left early in the morning Saturday, and got to Cleveland about 4:00. We were staying at a hotel about three blocks from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and we figured we would hit that before dinner. Which was fine, but when we arrived they told us they were about to close - they close at 5:30! Every day, even Saturdays! They told us that if we wanted to come that late in the day, we ought to come there on a Wednesday. Wednesdays they are open until 9:00. Wednesday being a gigantic tourist day, and all.

So we had to sprint through our tour in an hour and a half. Most of that was OK. I wouldn't spend a huge amount of time inspecting a U2 head cover or David Bowie's sequined outfit or John Lennon's glasses. I am comfortable passing quickly over photos of cops protesting Ice-T and some contract signed by Jay-Z and a bunch of Madonna stuff. I did stop to read Ian Curtis' handwritten lyrics to Joy Division's "Love Will Tear Us Apart", and some handwritten Lennon lyrics. But after reading all of these songs in their handwritten form, I realized that I already knew the words to those songs, and that I could read the lyrics online were I really curious. So I had stopped reading handwritten lyrics by the time I got to the two-floor Bruce Springsteen exhibit, the top floor of which consisted almost entirely of handwritten lyrics.

I must say, I did find the Hall of Fame to be disappointing. There were some cool things in there - cars owned by Elvis and Springsteen and stuff like that, and little things like a letter some kid wrote to the Rolling Stones in the late 60s about how much he (or she) and their classmates and every kid I know hates, hates, HATES the Stones and hope they stop making music. That was neat. I read that whole thing. And there were some really cool displays about Janis Joplin and the Who and so forth. But the most disappointing thing for me (other than the very rushed nature of our tour) was that there was no actual "Hall of Fame". Unless it was in that one section that was closed off because the museum was closing.

That's what I wanted to see. Maybe not plaques and stats like in Springfield or Cooperstown or Toronto. But at least a list, of some kind, of everyone who has been inducted into the hall of fame. I know, certainly, that KISS is not an inducted member of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Because they are up for induction this year. But there was a bunch of KISS crap in there anyway. And I am certain that Metallica IS in the Hall of Fame, because they were inducted last year. Or the year before. But I don't remember seeing any Metallica-related items. Now, I was rushed. And I got a pretty poor tour of the whole place. And this actual Hall Of Fame might have been behind that one closed door. But that's what I was expecting, and I sure didn't see it.

Of course, the souvenir shop does not close at 5:30. That stays open, presumably forever. So I bought some souvenirs for the kids, and we went to dinner. The cabbie driving us seemed to be a little lost, and went around the same block about three times. Then he got a call on his phone, fiddled with his GPS, and said "oh, Cleveland OHIO" as though he had just discovered where he was. We got out and walked. The area with the restaurants in Cleveland reminded me a lot of Old Montreal, where you can walk down the street and check out a number of restaurants (although they are all pubs in Cleveland). We went into a place that brewed their own beers, and most other places offered the Cleveland beers as well. I recommend the Olde Leghumper to anyone who goes.

Then we went to the football game. And did other stuff. More on that later.

Football picks week seven

2009-10-22T05:18:00.006-04:00

I am sitting at 60-30 straight up, 50-40 Against The Spread. Not great so far.

Chicago at Cincinnati (1.5): The Bears are coming back down to earth after a quick start. The Bengals lost a head-scratcher last week. The Bengals haven't played well at home, the Bears haven't played well on the road. I am going to assume the Texans had one of their "on" games last week, and that the Bengals remain a better team than the Bears. But only just. Bengals, 22-20. Verdict (Bengals, 45-10): I don't know how many people would have seen this coming. The Bengals are good, but not this good. I think this says more about the Bears than it does about Cincy. The Bears may not be nearly as good as I thought they were.

Green Bay (7) at Cleveland: The Browns are awful. Just awful. And now a bunch of them have the flu and might be out for Sunday's game. I'll be in Cleveland to watch this one, and I had better get a win out of my Packers! Packers, 27-14. Verdict (Packers, 31-3): A solid effort from the Packers against a really, really weak team. Browns fans have come to terms with the fact that their team is simply awful. The stadium was half-empty at half-time.

San Francisco at Houston (3): A tough call for me. The Texans look like world-beaters one week, then like chumps the next. The Niners looked great for a while, then looked simply dreadful. I think Mike Singletary will have them up for this game, and I think the Texans will sag after yet another promising win. Niners, 23-18. Verdict (Texans, 24-21): This time, the Jeckyl-and-Hyde Texans showed up - in the same game. Houston jumped out to a big early lead, then let the Niners claw their way back into it, just barely managing to hold on. Perhaps that gets the weak effort out of their system, and next week they will be the Good Texans again.

San Diego (5) at Kansas City: I really thought the Chargers would be up for the Broncos, knowing they needed that win. But they weren't. And the Chiefs have looked better every single week. They are still nowhere in the league of San Diego, and I think they'll have a little letdown after their first victory of the season. But it won't be a big one. Chargers, 27-21. Verdict (Chargers, 37-7): Is this the Great Chargers Team that was supposed to show up early in the season? It's tough to tell against KC, but the Chiefs have indeed been coming on and playing better and San Diego humiliated them. Maybe the Chargers have finally snapped out of it. Maybe.

Minnesota (4) at Pittsburgh: I really hate to go against an undefeated team. But the Vikings are on the road, they have just managed to squeak out a couple of wins, including their last one, and the Steelers have won three in a row. With Troy Polamalu healthy, that makes Favre a little less dangerous. Then again, the Vikings have that last-second magic and the Steelers have been awful in the fourth quarter. This one comes down to the wire. Steelers, 21-20. Verdict (Steelers, 27-17): Finally, the Steelers were able to put a team away in the 4th quarter. And finally, the Vikings looked human in the 4th. But a great effort from both teams and both still look terrific. Here come the Steelers!

Indianapolis (13.5) at St. Louis: The Rams have been playing teams tough of late, covering a lot of spreads and making things interesting. They are still awful though, and they have been playing mediocre teams at best. The Colts are no mediocre team. Colts, 33-17. Verdict (Colts, 42-6): There was never any doubt, was there? The Rams are better than Tampa, or the Browns. But they are simply no match for the elite teams, and right now the Colts are the best team in football.

New England (15) at Tampa Bay: This tends to be the part of the season where great teams become complacent and weird upsets start shocking them (witness the Raiders and Eagles last week). But the Patriots only recently became a great team again and they still have early-season focus. I think the 59-0 blowout is not something to get that excited about - it was in the snow, the Titans are awful, and they gave up pretty early on. But the Bucs are the worst team in football. Patriots, 27-6. Verdict (Patriots, 35-7): Lots of blowouts this week! I wonder if the fans in London were as bored with this foregone conclusion of a game as we were with our similar one in Cleveland!

Buffalo at Carolina (no line): Not exactly a gimme. The Panthers are not the team they were last year. And the Bills are coming off a very surprising, very big win. But I think that win said more about the Jets than it did about the Bills, and I can't imagine Carolina letting Buffalo punch them in the mouth at home. Panthers, 23-14. Verdict (Bills, 20-9): Carolina let Buffalo punch them in the mouth, at home. I now give up officially on the Panthers. Jake Delhomme is throwing a lot of interceptions against suspect secondaries. Then again, the Bills have picked off a lot of passes the past two games. Maybe they're coming on? I doubt it.

New York Jets (6.5) at Oakland: The Jets are falling, and fast. This will be one ugly game if Mark Sanchez can't turn things around, and we could see a competition between Sanchez and JaMarcus Russell for Worst Starting QB In the League honours. Well, when Derek Anderson isn't around. I think that last week the Jets showed that they were not an elite team. And the Raiders got lucky when the Eagles laid a huge egg. So I will take the Raiders to cover. But I can't quite see them winning outright. Jets, 14-12. Verdict (Jets, 38-0): I certainly didn't see the Jets defense coming back to pitch a shutout. In the end, I think all this game tells us is that the Bills are much better than the Raiders. But then, I knew that.

Atlanta at Dallas (3.5): I don't, for one second, believe Dallas is an elite team. But I am tempted to say the Falcons are one. Atlanta has looked very, very good in their last few games, while the Cowboys have fallen more in my estimation every week. Falcons, 33-23. Verdict (Cowboys, 37-21): Remember Tony Romo? That guy who plays quarterback? He showed up today. That guy is way, way better than the Tony Romo who throws interceptions. When he's around, the Cowboys can beat almost anyone. Even the Falcons.

New Orleans (7) at Miami: The Dolphins are better than their record would indicate. And that wildcat will confuse the Saints defense. But the Saints offense is, quite simply, unstoppable. They will not stop. And they will win big. Saints, 38-29. Verdict (Saints, 46-34): I watched most of this game at a bar in Cleveland. When I got to the bar, the Saints had fallen into a big, big hole thanks to the wildcat which did, indeed, confuse their defense. And I don't know if anyone watching this game remembers it as a double-digit blowout win for the Saints. Brees has to get the ball eventually, and then he will not be stopped. Saints are resilient, as well as powerful. That doesn't bode well for the rest of the NFC.

Arizona at New York Giants (7): The Cardinals are looking good again, and the Giants had a major setback last week. But I think that Saints loss will smart, a lot, and the Giants will come into this game looking to make a statement. New York, at home, I'm taking it. Giants, 28-17. Verdict (Cardinals, 24-17): I'm sure the Saints loss still smarts. But I'll bet this one feels worse. The Cardinals played a tough, hard-hitting game and looked like the better team. And the tougher team. And the more dangerous team. A very impressive effort.

Philadelphia (7) at Washington: Who should be more embarassed after last week? Well, the Eagles. They are a vastly superior team to the Redskins, and have much more to play for this season. They will rebound nicely, and batter the Skins the way they ought to. Eagles, 33-10. Verdict (Eagles, 27-17): The Eagles are still an elite team, despite their loss to the Raiders. But they ought to be able to put a team like the Redskins away once they go up by 17 points. Also, they need to figure out how to put together a solid four quarters of football. But they will. Oh - and figure out their wildcat, and how properly to use Michael Vick. That's about it.

I was 9-4 straight up this week, and 8-4-1 against the spread. Making me 69-34 overall, and 58-44-1 against the spread. Better this week.

More details on Humane Society fundraiser

2009-10-21T05:37:00.002-04:00

I wrote a blog post last week about the Humane Society fundraiser with Les Emerson and the Hitmen on October 31st. I will reprint the details at the end of this post so you don't have to go searching for it. When I first received all the information about the event, the only way to get tickets was to call Sharon at the number provided. I suggested to the organizers that maybe there should be another way of getting tickets as well. Like picking them up at a store, or at the Ukranian Hall, or something like that. So the organizers heeded my words, and came up with a second way to get tickets. You can now email the Hitmen at mail4thehitmen1@thehitmenrock.com

When you email them, they will respond to you. With the telephone number. Then you can call and get tickets. Or, you can call Sharon (phone number provided later on in this post). And now, there is a second phone number you can call - Sylvia, at 613-680-4955.

Call them. Get tickets. This will be a great event. And the capacity is limited to 300 or 350, so they don't want to do tickets at the door in case thousands of people arrive and can't get in. So reserve your tickets in advance. Here are the details, again:

The Ottawa Humane Society's "Breaking Ground" campaign is holding a fundraiser at the Ukranian Hall (1000 Byron Avenue) in Westboro on Hallowe'en night, October 31st. I will be hosting the event, which stars Les Emerson and the Hitmen. Les, as you may well know, is the biggest name in music in Ottawa, having formed the Five Man Electrical Band in the 60s. That alone should sell you on this event. But if you need more incentive, here are more details...Cover charge is $25, proceeds going toward the Ottawa Humane Society.

There will be a myriad of door prizes, including a hot air balloon ride with champagne, tickets to Mamma Mia, a stay at the Wakefield Spa, a weekend cottage getaway including a day of fishing with a guide, and much more. Even prizes of dog food and cat food. There will be a 50/50 draw, which should entice Doc and his ilk to attend, and prizes for animal costumes and non-animal costumes as well (it IS on Hallowe'en).

The doors to the Ukranian Hall open at 7:30 that evening. For tickets, call Sharon at 613-792-3481. Come one come all, for a good time and a great cause! And of course, the best music you'll hear in the Ukranian Hall all year. I have also created a group on facebook...or an event...or something. Click here to find it.

Maybe I don't feel so bad now.

2009-10-21T05:31:00.002-04:00

Maybe. OK, I'm still bitter and sour. Doc, who knows nothing about football, has played only five weeks of the six possible weeks of the football season in the CHEZ online pool. And he has beaten myself, Randall and Woody every single week he has played. In fact, even though he missed a week, he is still ahead of the second-place guy (me) by a substantial amount. And he knows nothing about football. I have long suspected that he is somehow cheating, because Doc can't possibly be Rain Man about football picks...can he?

Now I took a look at the leader board. The guy in first place has done very well - two weeks at more than 100 points (just like Doc) and the other weeks he's been in the 80s and 90s. Fine. The person in second place, however, just 4 points back of first, has done something remarkable. Looking at her profile, I realized that she didn't want to have to remember to make her picks every week. And she made them all at the beginning of the season. She has made all her picks in every week for the rest of the season, already. Which means that she made the picks long before the spreads ever came in, and she is in second place after six weeks. Now that's random. And remarkable. And statistically improbable. But it makes me feel better about Doc.

New Cynical Cinema reviews

2009-10-19T13:26:00.003-04:00

All new DVD releases October 20th

Battle of the Warriors - A Hong Kong war epic starring Andy Lau. Andy Lau is good. Hong Kong war epics are very good.

Something To Do With The Wall - An interesting documentary about the fall of the Berlin Wall, shot (by happenstance) at the exact time the wall came down.

They Killed Sister Dorothy - A fantastic, fascinating documentary about an elderly missionary nun who was murdered in Brazil. A wonderful courtroom drama.

Dora the Explorer: Dora's Christmas - Dora the Explorer had a good Christmas. Last year, I guess. Or maybe she's going to have one this year...I don't know. She has a backpack.

Vega$ First Season Volume One - Robert Urich starred in this cheesy 70s private-eye drama. Lots of eye candy, and a bit of fun.

The Children - They are kids, and they are murderous. Sometimes creepy, sometimes I just think they ought to punch the kids. They're kids, after all. They're easy to punch.

Capturing Reality: The Art of Documentary - For nerds only. Documentary nerds. I'm a documentary nerd.

Blood Sweat & Gears - An American cycling team tries to make the Tour De France without the aid of steroids. Pretty interesting. And Lance Armstrong - free!

Numb3rs Fifth Season - If you ignore the fact that the math is generic and silly, this is a pretty decent cop show.

CSI: New York Season Five - Opens and closes with cheesy cliffhangers. In between, it's quite good.

Friday Deluxe Edition - Classic stoner comedy, upgraded with some great special features.

Greg Giraldo: Midlife Vices - A decent stand-up DVD from Giraldo, who is apparently known only for those Comedy Central roasts. Before now.

Hawaii Five-O Season Seven - I had to apologize to Jack Lord. Steve McGarrett was not (entirely) a David Caruso prototype.

Yo Gabba Gabba: Meet My Family - Would probably be great on mushrooms. If anyone did stuff like that. Which they don't.

Come to Tail Gators this Sunday

2009-10-16T06:18:00.002-04:00

This Tail Gators Sunday Tailgate party event is getting bigger. The first week was successful, as I competed against some very serious poker players (and some not-so-serious ones) and managed to finish seventh. A fine prize was given away to the guy who knocked me out of the tournament, but I didn't make it easy. Then I watched the end of the football game, had some beer, and a good time was had by all.

This week, there will be a lot more going on. A short list:

- Free pool. Everyone who mentions CHEZ 106 at Tail Gators, all day long, will be allowed to play unlimited free pool all day Sunday. So you can show up at noon, and play an hour's worth of pool, then watch football. Or, you can keep playing pool while watching football. Tail Gators is a pool hall, so there are dozens of tables and you won't have to wait.

- Free poker. The World Poker Tour event that takes place at 4:00 is free to enter, and there are great prizes to be had for knocking me out, or for winning outright. Even if you don't win, you get points that go toward a shot at getting into the Canadian WPT championships - and there's big money there.

- Free football. The Jets-Bills game will be on the main TV at 4:00, but with 30 other screens around the bar, you'll be able to catch all the other games as well. The CHEZ crew will be there at about 3:00, watching the end of the first games and preparing for the late games and the poker.

- Free prizes. CHEZ hats, shirts, and other paraphenalia, of course. But also some football-themed DVDs, and a Bills jersey that I will be wearing all day. I hate the Bills. I want you to win my Bills jersey so I can go back to my old, familiar Green Bay one. But in order to win it, you must beat me at Madden football on the Xbox on the big screen at halftime. I have never played it before, but I play a lot of Mario Kart with the kids so I assume I will be good at it. And I will be trying very hard.

- 35 cent wings. After all that "free", something had to cost, didn't it? The wings are not free. They are 35 cents each. Sorry.

Come out and join me and CHEZ this Sunday, October 18th, at Tail Gators. Pool starts at noon and goes all day. Poker starts at 4:00 (be there at 3:30 to sign up) and goes until someone wins. Football starts at 1:00 (and I must catch Giants-New Orleans and Minnesota-Baltimore at that time). The Jets and Bills start at 4:00. And the wings go all day too. The prizes will go until I run out.

Tail Gators is in the Merivale Mall (it used to be Le Scratch, for those of you who remember that place) on, obviously, Merivale.

One more reason to abolish the death penalty

2009-10-16T05:53:00.004-04:00

Not that one more reason is needed. A while ago, (January of last year) I wrote a post about capital punishment in the U.S., because Canada in our infinite wisdom declined to bring a citizen on death row back home. I pointed out that very few countries in the so-called "developed world" still had the death penalty, and Japan and the U.S. are the only two who routinely execute prisoners. Japan does so only in the case of multiple murders.

Now a very-possibly innocent man has been executed in Texas. Governor Rick Perry replaced the forensic team who were about to look into the arson verdict in the Todd Willingham case, just before they were able to do so. And then he pretty much ignored the cries of everyone who suggested that Willingham was not to blame in the fire that killed his three children. At the very least, the forensic investigator who went over the initial ruling said the arson verdict was not "scientifically supported".

Even if Willingham did commit three heinous murders, the fact that there is any doubt at all is reason enough to abolish the death penalty, isn't it? Perry says the outcry is just anti-death-penalty "propaganda" and that Willingham is a monster. Really? If that is so, count me among the purveyors of that propaganda. It's time for the States to end this perversion of justice once and for all.

NFL picks week 6

2009-10-14T02:34:00.007-04:00

52-24 straight up so far...44-32 against the spread. Let's see...

Houston at Cincinnati (4.5): The Bengals are the better team. In fact, without that ridiculous miracle in Week One, they are 5-0. Their offense is clicking and they have that ability to win games late. However, Houston is better than their 2-3 record, and they seem constantly able to bounce back from big losses. Last week was a big loss. The Texans will play very well in Cincy, and it will be closer than this spread. Bengals, 27-24. Verdict (Texans, 28-17): Well, the Texans sure covered the spread. And it wasn't even close. The Bengals may not be that good. Or, the Texans might just be the Texans, and come up with a great effort every second game.

Detroit at Green Bay (13.5): Yes, the Packers should win this game. Coming off their bye, they need to win this game, because the Vikings and Bears are putting distance in front of them in the division. But there are still serious questions about the Packers' offensive line and their new 3-4. And the Lions are playing better and better every week - remember how they made a real game of it against the Steelers last week? Lions will cover this spread. Packers, 30-23. Verdict (Packers, 26-0): I sure didn't see this defense pitching a shutout. But if this is an indication of things to come, the Packers could be a real force to be reckoned with in the NFC South. The Vikings have to come back down to Earth sometime...don't they?

St. Louis at Jacksonville (10.0): The Jaguars got embarassed last week by a weak Seahawks team. They have to come back and make a statement this week if they hope to make anything out of this season. There is no better team than the Rams against whom they could do that. If the Jaguars have pride, they ought to stomp St. Louis. However, if they are deflated and sad, this might be the one game the Rams win all year. I am betting, a little bit, on pride. Jaguars, 23-10. Verdict (Jaguars, 23-20): Well, I got the 23 part right. I don't think the Rams are this good, I think the Jaguars are just this inconsistent.

Baltimore at Minnesota (3): The Vikings are at home. And that is a big advantage here. But they are playing a Baltimore team that went from being maybe the best team in football to a two-game losing streak. The Ravens will be desperately looking to re-establish their bonafides as one of the elite teams in football. And they still are. But so is Minnesota. A really tough call in a really tough game. Vikings, 21-20. Verdict (Vikings, 33-31): Pretty darn close. Baltimore covered, the Vikings won. How many times can you pull a win out of the fire to stay unbeaten? Apparently, the Vikings can do it week in, week out.

New York Giants at New Orleans (3): Another really, really tough call. The Saints are coming off their bye, and I think they will have their offense back on track. Their defense all of a sudden looks fantastic as well. But they are an attacking, ball-hawking defense, and I think Eli Manning can pick that apart. And if any defense can slow down Drew Brees at his best, it's the Giants. One of these teams will be undefeated after this game, and I think it will be New York. Giants, 29-27. Verdict (Saints, 48-27): Drew Brees really came off that bye week firing, didn't he? I still believe that the Giants win this at home, but New Orleans looks like the team to beat in the NFC.

Cleveland at Pittsburgh (14): Maybe the closest thing to a gimme all week, despite being a division game. The Browns looked just awful last week - and they were playing a team that was even worse. The Steelers are coming back into their own, and re-establishing themselves as one of the league's elite teams. They got to work out some kinks against the Lions last week, they will continue to do so against the Browns. Steelers, 28-10. Verdict (Steelers, 27-14): Pittsburgh still can't put teams away in the fourth, and the Browns made this one closer than it should have been. With Polamalu healthy though, this will be a different Steelers team from here on in.

Carolina (3) at Tampa Bay: One of only two teams favoured on the road are the Panthers, who are coming off a tense, down-to-the-wire win against a dreadful Redskins team. But that game showed the Panthers are ready to be a decent team again, and they will have far more confidence when they play the Bucs, who I think are the worst team in football so far this season. Panthers, 33-20. Verdict (Panthers, 28-21): I don't know if the Panthers have turned around their season with two wins against a couple of dreadful teams. But it's possible, and if they meet a solid challenge or two in the coming weeks, this could be a whole different season for them.

Kansas City at Washington (6.5): The Redskins (and the Cowboys, for that matter) are going to look much better than they really are at the end of the year because they are playing Kansas City and Oakland during the season. (It also gives people with an eliminator pool a couple of gimmes when the Giants and Eagles play them.) The Chiefs came awfully close to beating the Cowboys last week. They will come awfully close to beating the Skins this week. They might even beat them outright. In fact, I'm calling it. Chiefs, 22-21. Verdict (Chiefs, 14-6): The Redskins ARE that bad. They are painfully bad. And this might be the only game the Chiefs win this year, although they are looking better with every passing week. They just don't have any awful opponents like Washington for a while.

Philadelphia (14) at Oakland: Clearly, the easiest gimme of the week. The Eagles are able to put the boots to the bad teams, and they have been doing so. They will not let up on the Raiders, who are in disarray and may not win again this year now that they got that one KC game out of the way. Eagles, 42-10. Verdict (Raiders, 13-9): Ummm....whahappened? Clearly, NOT the easiest gimme of the week. I don't even know what to say about this. A team like the Eagles can't lay an egg like this one and still expect to be taken seriously as a Super Bowl contender. And they may no longer be. JaMarcus Russell was better than in previous weeks, but he still sucked. And the Raiders still won. I'm at a loss. Thank God I'd already taken Philly in my eliminator pool.

Arizona at Seattle (3): I have no idea who either of these teams are. The Seahawks looked amazing last week agains the Jaguars. The Cardinals looked very good against the Texans. Both teams are looking better now that the Niners have started to fall off a bit in that division. The winner of this game has a good shot at the division lead. And I think that winner will be...the Seahawks at home. Barely. I think. Seahawks, 20-18. Verdict (Cardinals, 27-3): The Seahawks have put up 44 points in the last two weeks. Which would appear to be a decent number...but 41 came last week. THREE points? With Hasselbeck at the helm? I know their offensive line is in disarray, but come on! I certainly thought the Cardinals had a good chance to win this game, but I would never have expected this hammering.

Tennessee at New England (9): Not a gimme, by any stretch. The Patriots' weaknesses have been exposed the last few weeks, and Brady looks pretty shaky. That being said, the Titans have looked awful all season, and the only unit shakier than Brady's passing might be the Titans' pass defense. Patriots, 27-23. Verdict (Patriots, 59-0): When I saw the snow coming down in Foxboro, I thought "the Titans might have a chance". Then I looked away. And looked back. And it was a million to nothing and the half hadn't even ended. Is Tom Brady really back? Well, the Titans have an awful pass defense right now, and the snow is a bizarre X-Factor. Still, looks pretty rosy for the Patriots at the moment.

Buffalo at New York Jets (no line): A real gimme against the spread, since the Bills are awful and the Jets are not. The Jets have several questions that need answering though, but not nearly enough to lose to Buffalo, who just need to start asking questions everywhere. The Jets defense is now, I think, suspect. But the Bills team is suspect. Jets, 24-12. Verdict (Bills, 16-13): OK. Maybe the Jets really are awful. Maybe they just got lucky early in the season by running into three teams who had yet to find their legs and their identites. Would anyone pick the Jets to beat New England again, now? I doubt it. The Bills are still a terrible team, but Mark Sanchez handed them this game. When your running back goes over 200 yards and you lose...you're terrible.

Chicago at Atlanta (3): The Falcons looked truly amazing last week against what I thought was a very strong Niners team. The Bears have been playing very well without Brian Urlacher, but I don't think they are on the level of the Falcons right now. When this weekend ends, the Saints could very well find themselves tied for first place in their division. Falcons, 27-23. Verdict (Falcons, 21-14): The Falcons look better to me with each passing week. And the Bears are just not a dominant team, much as they would like to be. The real test of Atlanta will likely come over the next few weeks, after their tuneup game against the Cowboys next Sunday.

Denver at San Diego (3.5): Denver is 5-0. Their defense has given up fewer points than any other in the league. Even those teams who have had bye weeks and haven't played five games. The Chargers are 2-2. And there are many questions about their team. And yet...San Diego is favoured in this game? Yes, and I agree. I have picked the Broncos wrong, 5 weeks in a row now. And I am being stubborn and picking them, again, to lose. Eventually I will have to be right. Chargers, 18-13. Verdict (Broncos, 34-23): That was a complete game. Now, the Broncos could still fall off and finish 9-7, while the Chargers could still come on and finish 11-5 and win the division. But it's looking less and less likely. I am now a believer. But I hate it.

I was 8-6 straight up this week, 6-8 ATS. That's my first losing week against the spread all year. Garbage! I am now 60-30 straight up, and 50-40 ATS.

New Cynical Cinema today

2009-10-13T07:06:00.002-04:00

All new DVD releases

Girlfriends, Season Seven: An awful show about awful women who fight with other awful women. And that Toni! Is she ever coming back? Does anyone care if she does?

Terre: Puissance D'Une Planete: Visually sensational BBC documentary about volcanoes and ice and other natural phenomena - but in French only for some reason.

South Park: Bigger Longer and Uncut (Blu-Ray): One of the funniest, greatest musicals of all time. But on Blu-Ray? Why bother?

Jackass the Lost Tapes: No, it turns out the stuff Jackass left on the cutting room floor is not funny, or clever. It's as dumb as the rest of the show, but with more vomit.

Springsteen closes down Giants Stadium

2009-10-13T04:48:00.002-04:00

Bruce Springsteen played the final show at Giants Stadium before it gets demolished. He first played there in 1985, when he was at the height of his fame with Born In The U.S.A. It has been 24 years since then, and he has played 24 shows at the famous venue. Here are some clips from that final concert:

The Last Time

No Surrender

Born In The U.S.A. / Cover Me

Turkey Bowl Deux Mille Neuf

2009-10-13T02:25:00.002-04:00

It was a cold and foreboding day as two teams of young, eager and out of shape people took the field at L'Ecole Des Voyageurs in Orleans for the annual Turkey Bowl, a brutal and taxing game of two-hand-touch which gets more and more contentious with every passing year. I arrived early, because I was the guy bringing the football. Also, I was last year's MVP, which meant that I was to bring the MVP trophy and put it up for grabs again. Last year's trophy was a plastic chicken glued into a gravy boat, but I could not find it. It appears my wife thought at some point this past year that it was junk, and through it out. Even though it was prominently displayed in my rather sparse trophy case.

So I arrived at the field with a new trophy, one that I had made myself after a short trip to the dollar store. It was a plastic chicken glued ont a gravy boat, just a different chicken and a different boat. And they were not glued together. Because I had only a glue stick at home, a promotional token from that movie Hump Day (which for some reason gave away glue sticks), I was unable to properly fasten the two together, and they came apart in my car on the way to the game.

As players began to trickle in from all over Ottawa, the two teams were chosen. Last year I benefited from some quality teammates and lazy opponents in winning the MVP trophy. I had good chemistry with Eric Russo, and the luxury of being covered by Marc Bois, who did not want to run very much. This year things were different, as I had Marc on my team and Eric on the opposing side of the field. I don't know when it happened, but event organizer Steven Dalrymple named our squad Team Punishment at some point during the game. It may have been off the top, or it may have been later on. But by the second half, we were Team Punishment. The other team had no name. I will refer to them as Team B.

In the first half, the teams appeared to be evenly matched. In that neither team had any offense. The first half ended with the score tied at 2-2. Marc Bois had thrown a pick-six for our side, but had redeemed himself with three interceptions and two (admittedly flukey) TD passes of his own. I had also thrown a pick-six, having been effectively baited on defense by Eric Russo. But I had not redeemed myself. At the half, we re-assessed our situation. They had two QBs who could throw deep, Eric and Pat. We had one, me. But we did have a few other QBs who could be very effective and accurate in short-yardage situations.

Team Punishment was also aided by the second-half arrival of Caroline Russo, who took the place of the six members of our team who decided to sit down on the sidelines and smoke rather than continue playing. It is a testament to the chemistry of Team Punishment that we didn't notice this mass defection until about five series of downs had gone by. In the end, it was Team B who sputtered on offense. Mike Phillips, a skinny British import, was proving to be a rather effective short yardage possession receiver, but toward the end of the game he was left out of the plans of Team B. Eric Russo, who throws a pretty nice deep ball, was constantly throwing that deep ball. Often into tight coverage. Which made it quite easy to defend. Team Punishment settled for shorter gains of 15-20 yards per play, and did very well in the battle of field position.

Toward the end, the result of the game was very much in doubt. I had led a quick TD drive early in the second half, and Team B had responded with a long, quick-strike TD of their own. The score was tied, 3-3, and the game would end with the next score. Or at 3:30, whichever came first. People had to go for thanksgiving dinner, after all. And with time running down, and the clock our enemy, Eric (the guy in the red shirt I don't know his last name) led a last-second, Favre-esque touchdown drive, three quick short completed passes followed by a short fourth-down toss to James Fraser for the win.

I didn't get to keep the MVP award I had built myself. Co-MVP honours went to Marc Bois and the guy on our team in the red sweatshirt who had a twin brother playing on the other side. Which was fortuitous, because the MVP trophy was now in two pieces. Bois had the trophy wrapped up at halftime, but his injury forced him out for the second half, leaving the door open for someone else. Eric Russo was the MVP of the losing side, winning a can of No-Name brand chicken and peas.

I got home exhausted, and went almost straight to bed, and only then did I discover that I was badly injured. I think it occured on a play where Krista, who had been covering me tightly all day, shoved me to the ground while visciously two-hand-touching me. My shoulder is absolutely screwed. I couldn't sleep on my left side or my right side, and I could barely sleep on my stomach or on my back. I tossed and turned all night, and each time I moved even a little the sharp and intense pain would wake me up. Which means that this morning, I am so tired that I didn't realize until now that I had written eleven paragraphs on a silly, silly football game. Sorry about that.

KISS on Letterman

2009-10-08T05:04:00.000-04:00

That's about it...here's KISS on Letterman.

NFL picks week 5

2009-10-07T10:04:00.006-04:00

So far...44-18 straight up, 37-25 against the spread. Decent spread numbers, terrible straight up numbers (given the high win totals by most people this season).

Cincinatti at Baltimore (8.5): I think Baltimore had a really tough time against the Patriots because by the fourth quarter, they were afraid to touch Tom Brady. There was also that Clayton drop...As long as the Ravens are not afraid to touch Carson Palmer, they will be just fine. But not 8.5 points fine. The Bengals are unbeaten on the road and tied for the division lead with Baltimore. It will be a closer game than that. Ravens, 24-17. Verdict (Bengals, 17-14): Once again, the Ravens were the victims of some questionable officiating down the stretch. But they should be able to put these games away before it comes to that. The Bengals have been amazing in that they have been able to hang in with tough teams and pull out the victory in the end. The Bengals are for real.

Cleveland at Buffalo (no line): The Bills are just awful. But the Browns have to be worse, don't they? I would seriously think about taking Cleveland were this game in Cleveland. But since it's in Buffalo, I will take the Bills. And hold my nose. And not watch this terrible game at all. By the way - October 18th at Tail Gators I will be giving away a Bills jersey in a game of Xbox at half time. Well, if I lose. And I might not. The Browns might not lose this week. But they will. Bills, 30-27. Verdict (Browns, 6-3): They are both awful teams, that's for sure. I still think the Browns are worse, but who cares? They are awful and this game was awful and there was no reason at all to watch it.

Washington at Carolina (3.5): 3.5 points for a winless team over a two-win team? Well, yes. Carolina has lost to some good teams, while Washington has barely eked out victories over the worst of the worst. The Panthers are by no means 0-3 bad (but they are bad) and the Skins are by no means 2-2 good (they are much worse). Panthers, 21-13. Verdict (Panthers, 20-17): The Panthers are still bad. But the Skins are worse. Washington is in for a long, tough season. I thought there was a good chance both the Skins and Dallas would lose this weekend. The Cowboys won, but there are going to be two pretty weak teams in the NFC East this season.

Pittsburgh (10.5) at Detroit: Is Pittsburgh's new running game for real? Can they actually get it done without Willie Parker? These questions will not be answered against the Lions. But the Steelers get a free game to work out any kinks that might have cropped up, and get everything running smoothly. Look for them to do that about midway through the first quarter. Steelers, 30-17. Verdict (Steelers, 28-20): The Lions have a lot more pride of late, and they were able to hang in this game and pull to within one score late. But the Steelers were able to work out some problems, and when Polamalu gets back and is 100%, they will again be an elite team.

Dallas (8.5) at Kansas City: Frankly, I think playing this game on the road is a blessing for Tony Romo. He is getting crucified at home, and rightly so. I really think he just isn't, and never will be, a top-tier quarterback. I will always take a weak NFC team over a bad AFC team (and I think the Cowboys are a weak team, if not Washington bad), but I think the Chiefs can cause Romo enough problems to keep it close. I think a team of 14-year-olds can cause Romo problems. Dallas, 17-14. Verdict (Cowboys, 26-20 OT): This was pretty darn close. The Chiefs are still a dreadful team, but in pushing the Cowboys to overtime, they exposed many weaknesses in big D. Dallas will have a very rough season if they can't snap out of this funk.

Oakland at New York Giants (16.0): Seriously? The last three weeks, the Giants have played the Buccaneers, the Chiefs and now Oakland. What a tough stretch! None of those games has shown us how good the Giants really are. The one great thing about New York, though, is that they have not played down to those weak opponents. They have beaten them, and soundly. This can't help but continue with the Raiders. Giants, 34-13. Verdict (Giants, 44-7): Even with David Carr in at QB at the end of the game, their offense looked terrific, and the defense is the best in football.

Tampa Bay at Philadelphia (no line): Here's a gimme. No line, as the powerful Eagles come off the bye week to face what might be the worst team in football. And it's at home. Were there a spread, I would imagine it would be even larger than that of the Giants game. Eagles, 42-10. Verdict (Eagles, 33-14): With McNabb back, the Eagles are one of the most complete teams in football. Their two games with the Giants later this season might determine home field advantage in the NFC. Or, they might knock each other off and allow the Saints or Vikings to take it.

Minnesota at St. Louis (no line): Here's another gimme. Rush Limbaugh wants to buy the Rams. Ruch Limbaugh is a douche. But even were he to suit up and play for the Rams, they couldn't be any worse. Minnesota might have something of a letdown after a last-second dramatic win and the much-hyped Monday nighter against the Packers, but no amount of letdown could let this team lose to St. Louis. Vikings, 23-10. Verdict (Vikings, 38-10): Yep. Gimme. And no letdown. They kept their foot on the neck of the Rams all game long. These Vikings are for real, and then some.

Atlanta at San Francisco (2.5): This one is a really tough call. The Falcons are coming off the bye, they are rested, but San Francisco looks to have bounced back, and well, following that last-second loss to the Vikings. This one will be very, very close. And I predict overtime. Niners, 23-20. Verdict (Falcons 45-10): So...about that overtime...actually this game screws me up for the rest of the year. Or at least until next week. Are the Falcons really this good? Or are the Niners really not the team I thought they were? Or did the bye week have that much of an impact? I just don't know.

Houston at Arizona (no line): Even with no line, this game is no gimme. Both teams have been up and down all season. The Texans win a big one, then lose a bigger one. Last week, they won a big one. And this week, they play in Arizona. And the Cardinals are coming off a bye. And I will take a middling NFC team over a middling AFC team, this year anyway. Cardinals, 27-26. Verdict (Cardinals, 28-21): Both of these teams are middling. And this Cardinals victory says little about the Cardinals, and it says even less about the Texans. How annoying.

New England (3.5) at Denver: So far, I have been so very very wrong about every single Broncos game this season. I have picked them to lose, every time. And I am going to do it again. Because I still think that this team is not good. I no longer, of course, think they are the worst team in football. But I do think they are average at best. And this is the first really good team they will play this season. The first of four in a row. They will be 4-4. I'm almost totally sure of it. Patriots, 34-20. Verdict (Broncos, 20-17): It isn't that Brady lost his first game in overtime, ever. It's that the Patriots let this game go to overtime at all. I am now buying into the Broncos. But I'm still not going to pick them to win for a while yet. Even though they are single-handedly ruining my pool results.

Jacksonville at Seattle (no line): The Seahawks are not good. Without Matt Hasselbeck, they are even worse. And the Jaguars have been surprisingly decent. This is still no gimme. The Hawks are much better at home than they are on the road, and there are still a lot of questions in Jacksonville. But I think this is a game the Jags should win, and I think they are a team that will step up for those games. Jaguars, 26-18. Verdict (Seahawks, 41-0): What? Really...what? I have no idea what this decimation means. The Seahawks are NOT this good. The Jaguars are NOT this bad. But then...what?

Indianapolis (3.5) at Tennessee: Really? 3.5 points on a game between a 4-0 team and an 0-4 team? The Titans were certainly good last year, but they are in disarray this season. And the Colts could be the best team in football. In fact, they probably are. And if you think that secondary can slow down Peyton Manning, let alone stop him, you are insane. Colts, 38-20. Verdict (Colts, 31-9): Yeah, that 3.5 spread was...ill-advised. The Titans will have to win a few games later in the year, but they currently don't have a prayer against the elite teams.

New York Jets (2.5) at Miami: The Jets are still good. Their loss last week came against a powerhouse team in the Saints, and the New York defense looked fantastic, considering how good Brees and that offense really are. They won't give up two defensive TDs again, and the Dolphins won't force turnovers like the Saints did. Miami really looked like they were coming back into their own last week, but that was against a Bills team in disarray. The Jets are not the Bills. Jets, 24-19. Verdict (Dolphins, 31-27): The Jets are not as good as we thought, although they are still good. Their defense has a few questions now that it didn't have earlier in the week, but it looks like Braylon Edwards is going to fit in really nicely with this team, doesn't it? The Fish are digging themselves out after that 0-3 start, and it looks like this could well end up being a 3-team race for the division title.

So far, I am 8-6 straight up this week. And 7-7 against the spread. Which means that on the year, I'm 52-24 straight up, and 44-32 ATS.

Fundraiser! Help support the humane society...here are the details

2009-10-07T05:30:00.003-04:00

The Ottawa Humane Society's "Breaking Ground" campaign is holding a fundraiser at the Ukranian Hall (1000 Byron Avenue) in Westboro on Hallowe'en night, October 31st. I will be hosting the event, which stars Les Emerson and the Hitmen. Les, as you may well know, is the biggest name in music in Ottawa, having formed the Five Man Electrical Band in the 60s. That alone should sell you on this event. But if you need more incentive, here are more details...

Cover charge is $25, proceeds going toward the Ottawa Humane Society. There will be a myriad of door prizes, including a hot air balloon ride with champagne, tickets to Mamma Mia, a stay at the Wakefield Spa, a weekend cottage getaway including a day of fishing with a guide, and much more. Even prizes of dog food and cat food. There will be a 50/50 draw, which should entice Doc and his ilk to attend, and prizes for animal costumes and non-animal costumes as well (it IS on Hallowe'en).

The doors to the Ukranian Hall open at 7:30 that evening. For tickets, call Sharon at 613-792-3481. Come one come all, for a good time and a great cause! And of course, the best music you'll hear in the Ukranian Hall all year. I have also created a group on facebook...or an event...or something. Click here to find it.

Just something strange. And kind of funny. And kind of awesome. And kind of sad.

2009-10-07T03:40:00.003-04:00

The following is the statement released by the chairman of the FCC in the States, appointed by the President to the post, about the FCC's new internet policy:

“Everywhere from the Streets of Philadelphia to My Hometown in New York, every Bobby Jean and every Jersey Girl l should be counting on the Internet remaining free and open, not Counting on a Miracle. They should count on The Rising of millions of voices to beat back any Darkness on the Edge of Town, or broadband Badlands that could threaten limited choice and create potential bottlenecks.
The people who built the Internet were working on more than a computer network, they were Working on a Dream. It was a network that was Born to Run in a land of open protocols, (the Promised Land). The Internet is more than an information highway, it is a telecom Thunder Road of wonderfully chaotic creativity and it will be a Lonesome Day if that is ever lost. But, hold on, Janey, Don’t You Lose Heart, because the FCC will be taking up open Internet rules in the near future.
I am grateful for the multitudes of artists — including musicians, songwriters, and other creative voices — who are coming forward to say they have a Hungry Heart for a free and open Internet, who will shout ‘No Surrender’ when it is threatened. This exhausts Springsteen song title references except to say that the policy fight over Net Neutrality will be a Jungleland out there — and everyone should be involved in our public FCC process.”

You think Julius Genachowski is a Springsteen fan?

An interview with Charles Cross, author of Zeppelin book

2009-10-06T10:58:00.002-04:00

Charles Cross is the author of a new book about Led Zeppelin, Led Zeppelin: Shadows Taller Than Our Souls, which hits bookshelves today (October 6th). He also penned an article in the most recent issue of Rolling Stone about the Kurt Cobain avatar in the latest Guitar Hero video game (see further down my blog to watch the Cobain avatar playing Bon Jovi, and cringe). And he has recently sold the rights to his book about Cobain to Universal Pictures, who hope to make it into a movie about his life. A real biopic, like Walk The Line or Ray. Which would be awesome. I just finished interviewing Mr. Cross, and have posted the interview on the Cynical Cinema page. To find out what is left to be said about Led Zeppelin, their music and their legacy, and to hear about the possible movie deal, click here and then click on the Charles Cross interview. The day I learn to put audio up on my blog, I will stop making people click everywhere.

New Cynical Cinema this week

2009-10-05T13:59:00.002-04:00

It's quite the pot-pourri this week - TV series, movies, made-for-TV movies, awful kids' stuff, great kids' stuff, and workout videos. Lots of workout videos. Yes, I review everything they send me.

All new DVD releases this week

Audition - On Blu-Ray this week. One of the creepiest, most unsettling horror movies in the world. From Japan in 1999.

Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Power Squad Bod Hard Body Boot Camp - It's a mouthful, isn't it? Hard bodies indeed - the ultimate workout video for guys.

Visioneers - One of those bleak Big Brother-future stype movies in the style of Brazil. It's good and it's funny and it stars Zach Galifianakis.

Degrassi Goes Hollywood - Apparently, Hollywood corrupts people and it goes to their head and then they flash the paparazzi with no underwear just to stay on top. How boring.

My Fair Lady - One of the all-time classics, it's still a terrific movie but it just doesn't carry the same impact 45 years later. The songs are weak and the relationship implausible.

The Hills Season Five Part One - This is the worst show in the history of television, and it stars the worst people in the history of the world. Or, at least, television.

Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Power Squad Bod Calorie Blasting Dance - Not exactly a high-impact workout. But some nice eye candy, the cheerleaders actually talk, and they all have those sexy southern Dallas accents.

Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Power Squad Bod Body Slimming Yoga - I did the yoga, but I don't look like a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader. Yet. This one is good for watching from the couch with a beer, but not so much for participating.

Taxi the Fourth Season - One of the classics. At its best in season four.

CSI Miami Season Seven - What a tease - it pretends David Caruso is dead for the first episode. Which makes me realize how good this show COULD be. Instead, it's the second-worst show on television. Next to The Hills.

Medium Fifth Season - If Joe and Allison can stop whining and complaining and getting jealous and depressed and crappy, this show can get back to being excellent.

Ni Hao, Kai-Lan: Kai-Lan's Carnival - Kai-Lan goes to a carnival, hangs out with a koala and learns a valuable life lesson. Kai-Lan might be a little girl. Or a bug.

Ni Hao, Kai-Lan: Celebrate With Kai-Lan - Kai-Lan celebrates Chinese New Year, hangs out with a koala and learns a valuable life lesson. She says she speaks Chinese. Which is news to me. I have heard of Mandarin and Cantonese and so forth...but never the language "Chinese".

The Backyardigans: Big Backyard Adventures - A 3-DVD box set of the biggest and best Backyardigans adventures, including Robot Repairman.

The Backyardigans - Robot Repairman - If the Maytag Repairman was a hippo, and starred in I, Robot, you would get this. OK, maybe not quite.

New DVD releases last week

Monsters Vs Aliens - A lot of fun, and best for nerdish fans of B-movies. Oh, and kids. Also good for kids.

Away We Go - One of the best romantic comedies I have seen in a long time. John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph are hilarious.

Capitalism: A Love Story - Michael Moore's best film.

Management - Jennifer Aniston actually did something - interesting! How novel.

Michael Moore's new movie is his best ever.

2009-10-03T00:49:00.002-04:00

It's sad, it's melancholy and depressing, and it's a must-watch. Check out my Cynical Cinema review of Michael Moore's new movie here.

This is the best nature video of all time.

2009-10-03T00:45:00.003-04:00

It's not just the parrot having sex with the camera guy's head. It's British actor Stephen Fry, who is a terrific actor, staying entirely composed during the whole thing, and doing the subtly hilarious running commentary. "You are being shagged by a rare parrot."

Best. Video. Ever. My dog has never humped my leg with this level of viciousness.

New Springsteen song

2009-10-02T05:06:00.002-04:00

Bruce Springsteen opened his five-night stand at Giants Stadium in New Jersey with a brand new song called "Wrecking Ball". Check it out:

Giants Stadium will be torn down in a few months following the NFL season. Here is the full version of the song, with worse camera work:

Love the Springsteen.

Quick! What's the most irritating thing about this story?

2009-10-01T05:11:00.002-04:00

The answer will be posted tomorrow...if I remember.

"The holidays will come a bit earlier for Citibank users enrolled in the company’s reward program: they’ll get a first crack at downloading Bob Dylan’s Christmas in the Heart a week before it hits stores, Reuters reports. Proceeds will still be donated to charity."

NFL picks week 4

2009-09-30T06:14:00.009-04:00

14-game weeks start. Week three was a wash for me. Did well against the spread, did terrible in straight-up picking. I have fallen from second in the office pool to sixth. So, once again, don't follow my advice.

Detroit at Chicago (10.5): Chicago seems to be OK without Brian Urlacher in there on defense. I'm actually surprised, I thought they would fall off considerably without him. And don't read too much into the Lions win last week. The Redskins are genuinely awful, and deserved to lose that game. Chicago, on the other hand, is a very good team and Jay Cutler has found something of a rhythm. He'll work it out here against what remains a very weak team. Bears, 23-10. Verdict (Chicago 48-24): And work it out he did. Chicago IS a very good team - a lot better than people seem to be thinking. They have a good chance to win this division. The Lions are better than they were last year - they kept this game really close until the second half. But they will not win this division.

Cincinatti (5.5) at Cleveland: Who would have thought the Bengals would be 2-1 right now? Two wins over quality teams, and one last-gasp fluke loss to another surprising squad in Denver. Now, the Bengals face their worst opponent of the season. The Browns look downright horrible. And while I won't call a blowout in a divisional matchup, because who knows what could happen, I just don't think Cleveland can compete with a team that's even halfway competent. Cincinatti has proved that they are. Halfway competent. Bengals, 26-20. Verdict (Bengals, 23-20): Well, almost. I would never have thought the Browns would force overtime, much less take it down to the final buzzer IN OT. If only the Bengals had scored a TD instead of a field goal, I would have been exactly right...Bengals are 3-1, but still not a top-notch team. They are, however, halfway competent. Which is a big improvement over last season.

Oakland at Houston (9): The Raiders are getting worse and worse, every single week. They looked simply dreadful last week in getting pounded by a squad that really isn't that much better than they are. And Houston always rebounds well after a loss. Especially a lousy loss to a lousy team. Texans, 27-13. Verdict (Texans, 29-6): The Raiders could well be the worst team in football, still getting worse every week. Isn't it about time to think about ending the JaMarcus Russell experiment? I just don't see him becoming a star ever...do the Raiders?

Seattle at Indianapolis (no line): Seattle looked OK, at many moments, against the Bears. But the Colts are better than the Bears, and Freeney is playing out of his mind. Peyton Manning should decimate this secondary, and the Colts have a pretty good running game right now. Colts, 27-20. Verdict (Colts, 34-17): Peyton Manning DID decimate this secondary. And the running game looks good. And the Colts look good. Manning has thrown for more than 300 yards against every team so far this season.

Tennessee (3) at Jacksonville: A no-win team is favoured on the road against a team coming off a big victory? Well, it's still early in the season...Tennessee seems to have had trouble recovering from that big OT loss to the Steelers in game one. And they ran into a couple of surprisingly good teams so far this season. They will not underestimate the Jaguars. And they will not go to 0-4. Titans, 18-14. Verdict (Jaguars, 37-17): I think the Titans might be a bad team. Against Jacksonville, they looked like a very bad team. I certainly don't think the Jaguars are this good. But there are some serious problems in Tennessee. They can't really miss their defensive co-ordinator this much, can they?

New York Giants (9) at Kansas City: I'm not sure any spread is big enough for this game. Last week, the Giants turned in the most dominating performance of the season as they shut out the anemic Bucs. And KC isn't much better. Too bad I already took the Giants in my suicide pool last week. Giants, 28-7. Verdict (Giants 27-16): KC IS better than Tampa, but not by much. That Giants defense is unreal, and I am frankly surprised that Kansas City was able to move the ball at all in that second half.

Baltimore at New England (2): This is the game to watch this week. Baltimore looks like they may be the best team in football, while New England is in need of another victory to prove they belong in the top rung of teams in the AFC, let alone all of football. I think Baltimore has made a persuasive case for being the best of the best, and they will look at this one as their statement game early in the season. It will be tight at Foxboro, but the Ravens will prevail. Ravens, 23-21. Verdict (Patriots, 27-21): I hate to put a whole game on the shoulders of one guy...but until Clayton dropped that fourth-down pass, I was absolutely convinced that the Ravens were about to move down the field to score the winning TD. The Pats defense looks better than it did earlier in the year, but not close to the dominant D that won all those Super Bowls. And Flacco proved to me that he can do it against good teams.

Tampa Bay at Washington (7): This is the game not to watch. The Redskins have had a really easy schedule to start the season, and have still lost two of three. Their only win was a two-point squeaker against a dreadful opponent. But Tampa may be the worst team they've faced yet. It all comes down to who wants redemption from last week's embarassment most. I am guessing (and it's just a guess) that it's Washington. Redskins, 10-7. Verdict (Redskins, 16-13): Well, pretty much bang on. Tampa is likely the worst team in football. (Maybe the Rams). And the Skins are the most underachieving team in football. Yes, they are 2-2. But they beat the Rams and the Bucs by a combined 5 points for those two victories. It's downhill from here.

Buffalo (2.5) at Miami: The Bills have won once this season. The Dolphins have yet to win. Both teams are struggling, and struggling mightily. While the Bills defense looks OK, their offense is awful and Terrell Owens is ready to blow. When he gets ready to blow, he doesn't respond with productive games. And while Miami can't figure out for the life of them how to get the ball into the end zone, they will get close enough to win this one at home. Dolphins, 20-17. Verdict (Dolphins, 38-10): Owens was more productive than I thought he would be. But not productive enough. And who would have thought the Fish could put up 38, still running that wildcat, without Pennington? Henne barely had to show up, as Miami ran for 250 yards. When you have a QB making his first NFL start, ever, how do you NOT stack up to stop the run? Well, maybe you're the Buffalo Bills.

New York Jets at New Orleans (6.5): Which is the safest bet? The crazy offense or the surprising defense? In this case, I'd say they're about even. The difference here is AFC and NFC. And I still believe a top-tier surprise team in the NFC is better than a top-tier surprise team in the AFC. Saints, 33-23. Verdict (Saints, 24-10): Well, just as I suspected, that mean, tough Saints defense would ground the high-flying Jets offense...or not. Although I am not surprised by the final score, I would say this is the most surprising game of the week. Drew Brees couldn't get much going, the Jets did a terrific job against the powerful offense...and the Saints defense just kept scoring and turning the ball over. If they can keep that up the rest of the season, I would not be surprised to see them in the Super Bowl.

Dallas at Denver (no line): I am still not sold, at all, on either of these teams. But then, I thought Denver would go 2-14. And I thought Dallas would go about 8-8. I still think Dallas will go about 8-8. But I now think Denver will go 3-13. Cowboys, 24-20. Verdict (Broncos, 17-10): I am still NO believer in either one of these teams. Denver is the worst 4-0 team in years. If such a thing can even exist. But the Cowboys have no guts and no fight. I am predicting, right now, that in five weeks the Broncos will be 4-4. But I wouldn't be surprised to see Dallas finish at 7-9.

St. Louis at San Francisco (10): One of the week's biggest spreads. And again, I am loathe to predict a blowout in a divisional game. But the Niners have a lot of pride this season, and they have to be stinging after that Vikings loss. Look for them to take it out on the hapless Rams. Niners, 30-13. Verdict (Niners, 35-0): It appears as though the Niners took out their frustration on the hapless Rams. What a beatdown! And it looked so sloppy, close and awful for so long! Only the Rams can give up touchdowns in this manner while not scoring any points at all. I hate taking divisional games in my eliminator pool, but I felt this one was a pretty safe bet.

San Diego at Pittsburgh (6.5): Until the Steelers get over the loss of Polamalu on defense and find their running game again, I can't justify a spread of 6.5. I think they will be fine at home, and I think they still have just enough to take this one, but it will be a very slim margin if they do. Steelers, 21-20. Verdict (Steelers, 38-28): I wonder if the Chargers remember the game starts at the beginning of the first quarter and not midway through the third? I thought this would be a tough, gritty game where Pittsburgh had to grind out a win in the closing moments. Instead, the Chargers barely showed up. Don't read too much into that Pittsburgh running game. It isn't back yet. That was just bad defense by San Diego.

Green Bay at Minnesota (3.5): OK, this is the game to watch this weekend. On Monday night, Brett Favre gets the game he's been waiting for. And so do the Packers. First place in the division up for grabs, all kinds of drama, and so forth. I am betting that Favre isn't nearly as much of a factor as we all hope he will be, but that Adrian Peterson runs wild and Aaron Rodgers keeps it very very close. It could go either way, but it's in Minnesota and I'll take the Vikings. By 2. Vikings, 27-25. Verdict (Vikings 30-23): It looked like a blowout for a while, but the Packers and Aaron Rodgers have guts. If only they had an offensive line. They will have to face Jared Allen again, and they'd better figure out how to slow him down.

So far this week, I am 11-3 straight up, 8-6 against the spread. Leaving me at 44-18 straight up, and 37-25 ATS so far this season.

Not qualified for Breaking Rock News...but qualified to be news

2009-09-30T05:10:00.003-04:00

For geeks like me, this is big news. And I thought I should put it somewhere. But I can't put it on Breaking Rock News, because it is not classic rock in the CHEZ vein. Besides, I am continually under assault for Breaking Rock News, where people say "how come you post Motley Crue news? We barely even play them!" And such and such. But anyway, this is pretty darn cool for Madchester Brit-pop fans. All nine of us. From the BBC:

Former Stone Roses frontman Ian Brown is planning to write and record an album with The Smiths guitarist Johnny Marr, the singer has revealed. The Mancunian rock legends are hoping to form a supergroup to write the soundtrack for a friend's TV dramas. "The idea is that Johnny writes the music and I write the words and the melodies," Brown told BBC News. Brown also wants to bring in former Stone Roses bandmate Mani or Happy Mondays bassist Paul Ryder, he said.

Many of you may not know what the hell I'm talking about. For those who don't, go listen to the Stone Roses. Or Ian Brown solo. Or the Happy Mondays. Or the Smiths. Preferably, all of the above.

Computer problems

2009-09-29T08:14:00.003-04:00

My computer at home is down. I turn it on, and it loads up like normal, then it shuts itself off and turns itself on again. I had to unplug it. So there won't be many blog postings for a while, and there will be no Cynical Cinema for a while because that website is screwy. The Breaking Rock News website is finally working for me again though. Huzzah! In the meantime, if I owe you an email or something, it might take a lot longer than usual to send it off. Sorry.

We may be understaffed a little?

2009-09-28T06:17:00.002-04:00

Saw this story in the Metro today. Ottawa's Police Tactical Unit wants an armoured car. One of those high-powered, totally bulletproof, armed-to-the-teeth vehicles you see in movies. I assume. It costs $341,000, which I guess has some people questioning the request. Not me though. I am all about us getting that car, if only because that giant police robot from Robocop has yet to be actually invented. Frankly, I would like for us to have one of those, if the option were presented. Or, we could have a Robocop. That would be cool too.

No, what caught my eye in the story was this phrase: "According to the report, of 27 Canadian police services of similar size or larger than Ottawa's, nine have armoured vehicles and four have access to one if required." And I thought - wait. There are twenty-seven other police services of "similar size or larger" than ours? There aren't 27 other cities of similar size or larger in the country. Even stretching the definition of "similar size" to include cities with a population within 500,000 of Ottawa's, there are only nine others. The nine, I assume, with armoured vehicles.

So if we were to take the 27 most populous cities in Canada (well, 28, because there are 27 others) then we would be talking about cities like Brantford and Moncton, with populations of about 128,000 - about 16% of the population of Ottawa proper. So - they have police forces of a similar size to that of Ottawa? Is crime really so bad in Moncton that they need six times as many cops per capita? Or are we just terribly understaffed on the Ottawa police force? Or, is this just a silly statistic that means nothing, and I'm reading way too much into it?

Today's Breaking Rock News

2009-09-28T05:38:00.002-04:00

The Breaking Rock News website does work. I have seen it work. But I can't make it work. I have been exchanging emails with the guys who know how it works for a week now. Every email exchange brings me closer to making it work. But I have yet to reach the point where it does work. For me. So until then, as I have been doing for a full week now, I will bring you today's Breaking Rock News on my blog. Because these stories just need to be told, in one forum or another.

AC/DC have been forced to postpone six shows because of an illness to lead singer Brian Johnson. The band's gigs in Phoenix, Las Vegas, Kansas City, Des Moines, Louisville and Milwaukee have been shelved until a later date. Johnson is recovering from a medical procedure, and his doctor has advised him to rest. The Black Ice tour resumes October 16th in Washington. Rumours are that he had throat surgery. But this seems like a pretty quick recovery time if that is the case. My guess is that he responded to one of those email spams.

Guns N Roses have been announced in Korea. The show was reported on a Korean website, AllAccess.co.kr. It appears the show is for December 13th in Seoul, and tickets will be going on sale October 6th. This is the fourth show to be announced in Southeast Asia for Guns N Roses, who have already been announced for two shows in Japan and one in Taiwan. All of these shows have been announced by third party websites, and there has been no word at all from Axl Rose, Guns N Roses themselves, or their management about a possible Southeast Asian tour. I think that Axl feels as though promoting himself would make him a whore. And also, if he never lets anyone know about any of the shows he plays, he will make no money and be able to quietly stop making music. And finally live that dream of his where he buys a ranch and farms goats.

Paul McCartney was a successful writer from an early age. A discovery in a Liverpool library indicates that McCartney won a prize at the age of 10 for an essay he wrote about the Queen, on the occasion of her coronation. The essay, written in a "tidy, curling script" was discovered by Kevin Roach, who said it is "advanced — you would say it was written by someone who was older than 10 years old, more like 14 or 15." The essay was later put to music on the Abbey Road album and called "Her Majesty". Probably.

From PR.com: "Journey's Live In Manila two-DVD set will be released October 2, 2009. Filmed with RED technology, which utilizes special 4K high-definition cameras with a resolution exceeding 35mm film that gives the footage an extra dynamic quality, the DVD captures Journey's historic concert in Manila, Philippines. Performing more than two hours' worth of classic favorites, as well as new hits from the band's latest album, Revelation, Live In Manila documents the triumphant homecoming of the band's singer Arnel Pineda. On March 14, 2009, Journey returned to Pineda's homeland and introduced him as their new lead singer to a crowd of nearly 30,000. Group members Neal Schon, Jonathan Cain, Ross Valory, and Deen Castronovo swelled with pride as they witnessed the Filipino people embrace Arnel and the music of Journey. By the time of the Manila concert, more than 800,000 copies of Revelation—the band's first album with Arnel—had been sold, and was supported with sold-out shows all over the world.

Also from PR.com: Since the Danish metal quartet's formation in October, 2001, Volbeat has steadily risen to become one of the major attractions in the European scene. The band has released three albums and a live DVD overseas. This fall, North Americans will finally have access to the complete catalog, with all three studio albums available (the DVD is planned for a later date).
Volbeat's current title Guitar Gangsters & Cadillac Blood (2009) is showing an increased presence, with exponential sales and airplay increases in markets across the continent. On October 27, Volbeat will see The Strength / The Sound / The Songs (2005) join the previously issued Rock The Rebel / Metal The Devil (2007) at retail stores across the U.S. and Canada.
The band will return to North America this fall as support for Metallica and Lamb of God in arenas across Canada and the U.S. Singer Michael Poulsen shared, "We are so thankful for this great chance and are looking forward to sharing the stage with one of our biggest inspirations. It's such an honor, and it's also a great honor to play for the Metallica fans who are very dedicated. It will be a challenge, but we will do our best to give the Metallica fans a little piece of what we are about and what we do. We wanna thank the gentlemen in Metallica for giving Volbeat this chance. Thank You!" Hopefully we will be able to play a headliner show or two while we're in the US. We can't wait to see you all!"

Today's Breaking Rock News

2009-09-25T05:32:00.005-04:00

Once again, I am not computer-savvy enough to navigate my way around the Breaking Rock News section of the internets. It's up and running again, but my login is screwed up, or I'm screwed up, and somehow nothing is doing what it should be. So I am forced, hopefully for the last time, to clog up my blog with a bunch of Rock N Roll News! Here goes...

Eric Clapton and Jeff Beck have confirmed that they will be playing a concert together in February of 2010. The pair announced yesterday that they will be playing a one-off gig on February 13th at London's O2 Arena. The show will come one year after Clapton and Beck shared the bill for the first time ever, at a pair of concerts in Japan in February of this year. In a statement released yesterday, Clapton said “I’ve always considered Jeff Beck to be one of the finest guitar players around. He’s a friend, a great guy, and a truly gifted musician. We had such a fun time in Japan that it seemed natural to play together again." Beck added “Eric and I played together in Japan earlier this year and had a blast. Since then we have been in regular contact and talked about doing a similar show for our fans. Looking forward to the show in 2010." Thanks for the insight, Beck.

Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley sure don't like Ace Frehley and Peter Criss. Although they do mince words. Stanley and Simmons made some thinly veiled comments, without naming names, about the 1996 KISS reunion which produced the Psycho Circus album. Stanley tells the Detroit Free Press, "What I learned towards the end of the farewell was, I didn't want to say farewell to Kiss – I wanted to say farewell to some of the members." He went on to say "it was magical at the beginning. But ultimately the only magic I wanted was to make certain people disappear. It had the potential to be much more than a reunion tour but it quickly became clear it couldn't progress.... I think we had people who were delusional about their songwriting and musical abilities." By that of course, he means they were members of KISS.

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers will release a multiple-disc box set called Live Anthology November 22nd. The recordings are taken from thirty years of live performances. Several configurations of the anthology will be available, including a Best-Buy exclusive 5-disc edition which features a first-of-it's-kind audio-only Blu-Ray disc. Then, Petty and the Heartbreakers are embarking on a virtual tour. PR reports: "The Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers SuperHighway Tour is a first of its kind, online-only music experience that delivers 24 of the 48 Live Anthology tracks as high-quality digital downloads and on-demand streams over 8 weeks in advance of the Live Anthology's release. Ticketholders will receive an insider's view of those 24 tracks, through archived memorabilia reproduced on the site, new band commentary, classic reviews, and curated content from the Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers vaults. Fans will also be able to share their photos and stories from their favorite Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers shows. Then on the album's November 24th release, ticketholders will receive the remaining 24 tracks on The Live Anthology, thereby completing the digital album." Got it? Yeah...me either.

There is a deluxe edition of Chickenfoot coming out in October. The eponymous deubt album by Sammy Hagar, Michael Anthony, Joe Satriani and Chad Smith will come packaged with an extra DVD containing behind the scenes footage, live performances, videos and interviews.

The Faces are reuiniting, for one show only. But they will be missing their most famous Face. Rod Stewart will not be involved in the reunion show, but Ronnie Wood, drummer Kenney Jones and keyboard player Ian McLagan will be at the Royal Albert Hall on October 25th to play a benefit show for the Music Members Benevolent Fund. A number of special guests will appear to provide vocals, and Bill Wyman of the Rolling Stones will replace the late Ronnie Lane on bass. Even sans Stewart, the Faces are still damn cool.

The Bon Jovi documentary When We Were Beautiful will be going straight to cable TV. It will premiere Saturday, October 24th on Showtime at 9 p.m. The documentary tells the story of the band in the words of the band members themselves. "We're terrible" is not expected to be the way they describe their band.

On Friday, September 11th, legendary music executive Bob Greenberg passed away from a stroke in West Hills, California. Greenberg worked with Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, Genesis, Foreigner and the Rolling Stones, among many others. He was 75 years old.

Northern Ireland band The Answer have been chosen by AC/DC to open the final leg of the North American Black Ice tour. They will be with AC/DC from October 1st in Phoenix to November 8th in Houston, and will be headlining club shows on their nights off from the tour.

From Conqueroo: "On November 3, Fantasy Records will release The Singles Collection, a two-CD, one-DVD box with a slip case, containing all of [Creedence Clearwater Revival]'s U.S. singles -- 30 songs in all. Top 5 smashes like "Bad Moon Rising," "Green River," "Down on the Corner," "Travelin' Band," "Who'll Stop the Rain," "Run Through the Jungle," "Up Around the Bend," "Long As I Can See the Light" and "Lookin' Out My Back Door" are joined by seldom-heard singles that never charted ("Porterville" and "Call It Pretending" on Fantasy's Scorpio subsidiary, and later singles "Tearin' Up the Country" and "45 Revolutions Per Minute [Parts 1 & 2]").
The 30 songs, (which are presented in their original single mixes, many of them in mono --- are making their CD debut), housed on two CDs, will be joined by a DVD containing four never-before-available, long-pre-MTV music videos: "I Heard it Through the Grapevine," "Bootleg," "I Put a Spell on You" and "Lookin' Out My Back Door." Also included in the package are a poster featuring the dozens of international single sleeves, and a 16-page booklet with liner notes by former Rolling Stone editor Ben Fong-Torres, who lived and wrote in the Bay Area during CCR's golden half-decade."

Stephen Stills had a short-lived band called Manassas in the 1970s which released two albums in the early part of that decade. On Tuesday, Rhino Records released a new CD of previously unreleased material from Manassas. Pieces features 15 unreleased songs recorded for those two early-70s albums. And that's pretty cool. I think. I've never heard Manassas. It could be awful.

Elton John has come out against file sharing. As British musical artists line up on either side of the issue, John has written a letter to British Business Secretary Peter Mandelson advocating British government action against file sharing. The British government is currently debating whether they will get involved in the matter.

Bono is among 500 artists and performers who will be meeting with the Pope at the Sistine Chapel on November 21st. The meeting is part of a concerted, directed effort by the Roman Catholic Church to re-establish the link between the church and art. The group of artists will also include representatives from the literary, art and theatre communities. How much do people want to bet that 496 of those other artistic figures will be more excited about meeting Bono than they will about meeting the Pope?

I can't find this on my TV! Help!

2009-09-24T06:33:00.002-04:00

I have been searching for the past few days for Steven Seagal: Lawman on my television. I was led to believe that it started this week. But I haven't found it! Can someone help me, tell me when it begins? I'm too excited to think straight...

Today's Breaking Rock News - check out Rock And Roll Hall of Fame story, Metallica, and Beatles. All cool stuff.

2009-09-24T05:36:00.005-04:00

Once again, I have no idea how to put stuff on Breaking Rock News any more. So, once again, I will put all the stories here on my blog. Enjoy!

Unconfirmed reports are still circulating that AC/DC is planning a major box set release sometime next year. Those reports have not been confirmed or denied, but AC/DC is adding to the excitement with a new website they have created. On the band's MySpace site, they have posted the following announcement: "AC/DC have launched a special website called www.ACDCBacktracks.com and tells fans that they'll be making an "exciting announcement on September 29th."

Pearl Jam looks set to grab top spot on the Billboard album charts for the first time in 13 years. Their latest record, Backspacer, hit stores on Tuesday and prognosticators in the industry believe it will sell between 175,000 and 200,000 copies by week's end.

Metallica just played two sold-out shows over the weekend at the Bell Centre in Montreal. The band has taken money from the Saturday and Sunday shows and donated it to a local charity. $21,462 has been given to Sun Youth, a local Montreal community service organization on behalf of Metallica.

The Uncut Music Award is given every year to the artist whose album is the "most inspiring and rewarding" of the year. There have been 25 acts nominated this year, including Bob Dylan, Madness and the Kings of Leon. The list will be trimmed down to 8 on October 27th, and the winner will be a month later.

Former KISS member Ace Frehley has a brand new album, Anomaly, and it has done well. Frehley debuted at #27 on the Billboard 200, #2 on the Independant Chart, and he hit the ground at #7 in his hometown of New York.

A report from Rhino: "Following the reissue of the 14 Genesis studio albums in the stunning boxed sets Genesis 1976 – 1982 and Genesis 1983 – 1998 in 2007, and Genesis 1970 – 1975 in 2008, on September 29, Rhino will release Genesis Live 1973 – 2007, a boxed set gathering the four live albums recorded by the legendary British group from 1973 to 1992. Featuring brand new stereo mixes, the boxed set also includes the long-awaited release in stereo and 5.1 of Live At The Rainbow 1973 only available with this collection. Genesis Live 1973 – 2007 is a sumptuously presented boxed set that includes: Genesis Live, the band's first Top 10 album in the UK, recorded in Leicester and Manchester and issued in 1973, and featuring the classic line-up of Tony Banks (keyboards), Phil Collins (drums, vocals), Peter Gabriel (vocals, flute), Steve Hackett (guitars) and Mike Rutherford (bass, guitars). Genesis Live, for this box-set release, has been extended to feature five bonus tracks recorded at the Shrine Auditorium, Los Angeles on January 24, 1975 and the full album is also presented in 5.1 for the first time. The double set Seconds Out, a Top 5 entry in 1977 that documented the group's Paris dates as a quartet with Collins on lead vocals following Gabriel's departure in 1975. The tour featured touring drummers Bill Bruford and Chester Thompson. Exclusive to this boxed set, Seconds Out is presented in stereo and 5.1 versions."

From MVD video: "Sexy Intellectual and MVD Visual are proud to announce the DVD release of The Who, The Mods and The Quadrophenia Connection on November 17th in North America. There's barely any misinformation out there regarding the astonishing career path of The Who: the band formed 1964, were adopted as figureheads by the British mods, they continued through the 1960s and 1970s making extraordinary record after extraordinary record [with a couple of 'rock operas' thrown in for good measure], Keith Moon their madcap drummer died in 1978 - and then it all went a bit pear shaped. The remaining members haven't made a standout track since Moon passed on. But as far as the Mod movement which had guaranteed The Who's early success, and the Pete Townsend composed musical depiction of that movement, Quadrophenia are concerned, the story has been twisted, complicated and misunderstood, but remains endlessly fascinating. The band, the movement, the album, the second wave, the movie and now the 30th anniversary of the latter two, all make for a story that needs to be told in depth. That is exactly what this film does."

David Crosby is ill. Crosby Stills & Nash were scheduled to play a show on Tuesday night in Santa Barbara, California but were forced to postpone the show after Crosby became sick. No further details about his illness are available, the Santa Barbara show has been pushed back until October 1st. It can't have been that serious.

As the Philadelphia Spectrum prepares for demolition, many acts have come together to bid farewell to the historic arena. Pearl Jam will be the final band to play there, having booked a four-night run to close out the building. Now, Bruce Springsteen is set for a four-night run of his own beginning October 13th. Springsteen's shows will be the first of ten final concerts at the Spectrum in October.

The ballot for this year's Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame induction class is a diverse one. The Red Hot Chili Peppers, LL Cool J and KISS are all on the ballot for the first time. Also up for induction are Genesis, ABBA, the Stooges, Donna Summer, Jimmy Cliff, Darlene Love, Laura Nyro, the Chantels and the Hollies. Last year, Gene Simmons was sour that KISS had not been included on the ballot, saying “There are disco bands, rap bands, Yiddish folk song bands in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, but not Kiss. I believe we have more gold records in America than any other group, but it’s OK.” The final list of inductees, chosen from this ballot, will be announced in January.

When Joe Perry revealed a while ago that he and Steven Tyler hadn't spoken since Tyler's stage fall that forced the cancellation of the rest of Aerosmith's summer tour, rumours of the band's breakup began to take off all over the internet. But Perry says that is merely speculation, and that Aerosmith is in no danger of splitting. He told the Boston Herald, “maybe we have three more records in us. Maybe we have five [and] seven years of touring." He said the band were merely "taking a breather", and said that although he and Tyler haven't spoken in almost two months, that “that day will come. Whether it’s him calling me or me calling him, it will happen." Perry also addressed the fact that he and Tyler have not written a song together, in the same room, in at least ten years. He acknowledged that the main reason is that Aerosmith began outsourcing the task of writing songs to other writers. Perry said that he feared the use of outside songwriters meant that the band was deviating from their classic sound [Diane Warren, for example, wrote "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing"], and said “I don’t mind using outside songwriters but I’d still like to see an Aerosmith where the core of the music comes from the guys in the band".

Slash has been jamming in the studio with his former Guns N Roses bandmate Duff McKagan and the Foo Fighters' Dave Grohl. They are putting together a track for Slash's upcoming solo album, which will feature a plethora of guest artists on just about every track. Grohl played drums on the song, and Slash tweeted “Great jamming w/Duff & Grohl tonight, the track is a killer instrumental, very heavy.”

The magazine which quoted John Lennon as saying the Beatles were "more popular than Jesus" recently sold for an exorbitant amount of money. Now, some 40 years later, it has been proven to be true. Google confirms that in this past month, queries for "The Beatles" on their search engine outnumbered those for Jesus by a considerable margin. So...it's official.

Football picks week 3

2009-09-23T17:39:00.007-04:00

I like to get my picks in early...some may change if some players get better and rejoin their teams. Or if Adrian Peterson suffers a lawnmower accident and is out for Sunday. Barring that, here goes...(by the way, I'm 24-8 straight up so far, and 19-13 against the spread)

Cleveland at Baltimore (13.5): The Browns were embarassed by Denver last week. Hammered. By the Broncos. That indicates to me that they are an absolutely dreadful team, and I think that their QB situation is still not fully decided. That, and the Ravens are possibly the best team in football right now. I think this one's a lock, but I'm not picking it in my suicide pool because anything can happen in a division game. Ravens to cover and win big. Ravens, 33-14. Verdict (Ravens, 34-3): Ravens won, covered spread, hammered the Browns. How did the Browns even score three points against this defense? Derek Anderson had 92 yards passing. And his completion percentage was above 50. The Ravens really are a legitimate Super Bowl contender, even this early in the season.

Tennessee at New York Jets (2.5): There are serious problems with the Titans. Who would have thought that the team with the best record last season would be 0-2? Or that the Jets, who lost Favre and are starting a rookie QB, would be 2-0? I certainly wouldn't. But I'm not entirely sold on the Jets yet. I think they spent the entire offseason preparing for the Patriots, and they caught them at a great time as New England is still trying to find their way. I think this game will be a matter of pride for the Titans. Titans, 21-20. Verdict (Jets, 24-17): I really think the Titans outplayed the Jets throughout most of this game. But they couldn't close, they turned the ball over in the worst spots imaginable, and they were down 14-0 before the game really began. The Titans will be OK this year, they will win their share of the remaining games, but the playoffs are looking to be more and more distant already. I'm still not entirely sold on the Jets.

New York Giants (7.5) t Tampa Bay: I hate to take a road team as my suicide pool pick, but I think I will here. The Giants are as good as they were (right now at least) in their Super Bowl winning season, and the Buccaneers are simply abysmal. Don't start Cadillac in your fantasy pools this week. Giants, 28-17. Verdict (Giants, 24-0): Well, the Giants won, and they covered. And then some. And I remain alive in my suicide pool (although I wager everyone else is still in as well, what with no massive upsets this week). This game said nothing about either team, except that which we already knew. New York is very good. The Bucs are abysmal.

Green Bay (6.5) at St. Louis: Was last week an aberration? Or was it indicative that the Packers are still having trouble feeling out the 3-4 defense they installed for the first time this season? I don't yet know. But it doesn't matter against the Rams, who would have trouble beating my high school team. Packers, 26-13. Verdict (Packers, 36-17): And...it doesn't matter. But giving up 17 to the Rams indicates to me that the Packers are still feeling out that defense a little. Nice to be able to tune it up against St. Louis, though, eh?

Kansas City at Philadelphia (no line): Another terrific idea for a pick in a suicide pool. I have no idea whether McNabb will be back for the Eagles. Or whether Michael Vick will see the field more than twice. Or whether Jeff Garcia will get into the mix. Or whether I'll even remember the name of that other guy three weeks from now. Again, it doesn't matter. Philadelphia can hammer the Chiefs with their fourth-string QB. And they likely will. Eagles, 35-10. Verdict (Eagles, 34-14): So they won by 20, not 25. I'm not psychic, ok? I would have thought the Eagles would put Vick in a little more simply because they were playing the Chiefs, and it's kind of like a scrimmage. So I still have no idea how dangerous Vick will be this season. But Kolb looked pretty good, at least until he is gone forever next week.

Atlanta at New England (4.5): I'm not ready to give up on New England yet. Yes, Brady appears to be tentative, and he isn't the same QB in the last two minutes of the game as he once was. Well, yet. He will get there, and although Atlanta poses a serious test, I think Brady will get it done here. Barely. Patriots, 23-22. Verdict (Patriots, 26-10): I am still not entirely back on the New England bandwagon. I'm still not sure they can beat an elite team at this point. Atlanta proved one thing - and that is that they are not yet an elite team. That's all. But they are above-average in the NFC, and this year I think that means they are very good.

San Francisco at Minnesota (7): The Niners are not getting much credit here. They are 2-0 now. And a win against the Seahawks is no gimme, nor was their season opener against the Cardinals. The Vikings, so far, have been a second half team, and no one is going to slow down Adrian Peterson, but the Niners are not a touchdown worse than the Vikes, even on the road. Not right now. Vikings, 28-23. Verdict (Vikings, 27-24): Well, I was right about the win and the spread. But wow. So, Brett Favre, eh?

Jacksonville at Houston (4): The close-fought loss to the Colts in Week One appeared to take a lot of the wind out of the sails of the Jaguars. I am predicting it will take them one more week to get it back, and the Texans are flying high after their win over Tennessee. I hate betting big on the Texans, because they will always have the capacity to lay a giant egg, but I don't think it will happen this week. I think. Texans, 31-21. Verdict (Jaguars 31-24): I think wrong. It did happen. It happened this week. The Texans laid a giant egg. It doesn't matter how you lose, but a fumble recovery in the end zone? That's a pretty bad way to do it. Look for the Texans to spend the rest of the year covering the spread against every good team and not covering the spread against the bad ones.

Washington (6) at Detroit: All those McDonalds-working Washington fans won't be around to boo their team this week. The Lions fans will be around to boo theirs, though. This could be the one game in the past 20 where the Lions have a legitimate chance to win, taking advantage of a team that is playing very poorly. The Skins beat the Rams by 2 points, and I think the Lions are at least as good as the Rams. Redskins, 14-12. Verdict (Lions, 19-14): Who woulda guessed? The Lions are better than the Rams. And the Skins have been over-rated this season. Not any more. They will now be rated accurately - as an awful team.

New Orleans (5.5) at Buffalo: I know the Bills are 1-1 (and should be 2-0), but is anyone really looking that hard at their almost-win against New England now? Like that makes them that good? Terrell Owens will have a monster day against the porous Saints defense, yes. So will every other member of the Bills offense. But it will not matter. Drew Brees will throw for four more touchdowns, the Saints will rush for 150 yards, and they will batter Buffalo. Saints, 44-30. Verdict (Saints, 27-7): Well, they certainly beat the Bills by a bunch. But seriously, Buffalo? You could muster a mere seven points against this defense? And even that came on a fake field goal? Really? And holding that offense to 27 points is actually fairly impressive. It would have been more so had the Bills' offense come along for the ride. No TDs for Brees, but 190 yards on the ground.

Chicago (1.5) at Seattle: The Seahawks, so far this season, have shown nothing of interest. They have done nothing to indicate that they are able to take the next step and get back to the middle of the pack. The Bears bounced back from a disasterous opening week, they pulled together without Brian Urlacher, and if Jay Cutler has found his rhythm (and I think he has) they ought to dismantle Seattle. Bears, 23-17. Verdict (Bears, 25-19): Well, the Bears didn't exactly dismantle Seattle. And toward the end, the Bears really looked as though they were desperate to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. But on the plus side, I managed to accurately predict the spread, and was almost bang-on with the score.

Pittsburgh (4.5) at Cincinnati: Was last week an aberration? For either team? Do the Steelers miss Polamalu that much? Are the Bengals really capable of beating a top-tier team? Are the Packers even a top-tier team at all? I think Pittsburgh really is in trouble, and they need to find their running game desperately. And I think the Bengals have a lot of confidence right now. Not enough to win, but enough to make it close. Steelers, 22-20. Verdict (Bengals, 23-20): Well, I was right about Cincy covering the spread...at least...the thing is, Pittsburgh really did find their running game in this one. At least for a while. But the Bengals have that heart, they have that confidence, and that last-minute drive for a touchdown was the kind upon which this team might be able to build a season.

Denver at Oakland (1.5): The Broncos are 2-0 now. Seriously. And I still think they are the worst team in football. Oakland has actually looked fairly good in the first two games. And although the schedule remains incredibly easy, as easy as is possible in the NFL, this week, they will not go 3-0. God, I hope not. I would be so wrong if they did! Raiders, 23-15. Verdict (Broncos, 23-3): I am so wrong! The Broncos, who I thought would be the worst team in football, are 3-0. They are still dreadful. I am still convinced of this. All it means is that Denver has beaten three really really lousy teams. And one decent one on one of the world's all-time flukes. And the Raiders are even worse than they once appeared.

Miami at San Diego (6.5): The Dolphins are getting little respect here, I guess because they are 0-2. But they showed some serious offensive capabilities in that Monday nighter against the Colts, and I really think San Diego doesn't care much about games outside their division. They win their division games, they win their division. It's that simple for them. Dolphins, 32-30. Verdict (Chargers, 23-13): When Pennington went down, it was all over. Without him, the Dolphins will not win this game. Although they showed a little grit toward the end. It does show, however, how much the wildcat relies on the people who know it best staying healthy.

Indianapolis (1.5) at Arizona: The toughest game of the week to call, I think. The Colts have that incredible quick-strike offense, but the Cardinals do too. The Colts have looked a little porous on defense this season, but then so have the Cards. I think this game will come down to the last possession, and I think Peyton Manning has a little bit more of a shot to put that final possession in the end zone than does Kurt Warner. Colts, 29-27. Verdict (Colts, 31-10): Just like last season, when the Cardinals look bad, they look awful. Now, Manning and the offense look like they are in full form - Addai and Wayne and Brown and Garcon look amazing right now, and I just don't see anyone beating the Colts in the coming weeks. Also amazing - Dwight Freeney and that front four.

Carolina at Dallas (9): Seriously? I know it's Monday night, in that new Dallas stadium and all, but NINE points? Against a Panthers team who was far better than the Cowboys were last season? I highly doubt it. I think the Cowboys must win this game, for their own pride. But I'm not sure they have a huge amount of that. I'm betting they don't. Panthers, 16-14. Verdict (Cowboys, 21-7): I am still not buying into the Cowboys. And I still don't think they are nine points better than the Panthers. But Delhomme needs to show that he isn't inept, and that Panthers defense needs to stiffen up long before their opponents get into the end zone. If Julius Peppers really gets going, this season could look a whole lot different after the bye week. But boy, do they need that bye week.

This week, I am 9-7 straight up, and 10-6 ATS. That makes me 33-15 straight up and 29-19 ATS so far this season. I'm pleased with the spread numbers, but not so much with the straight-up ones.

Because Breaking Rock News still doesn't work...

2009-09-23T05:33:00.002-04:00

The website for Breaking Rock News is still not letting me access it. So here are today's top stories, read 'em if you care:

Mark Knopfler is going on tour to support his new album Get Lucky. Knopfler, the former frontman for Dire Straits, will begin the tour April 8th in Seattle, and then hit Los Angeles, Vancouver, Denver, Chicago, St. Louis, Washington, New York, Montreal and Toronto. The tour is scheduled to wrap up in Philadelphia on May 7th.

Bobby Graham, the legendary session drummer whose best known work came on the Kinks' hit "You Really Got Me", passed away this week following a four month battle with stomach cancer. Graham also played on the Animals "We Gotta Get Out of This Place" and Petula Clark's "Downtown". He was 69 years old.

With Steven Tyler still sidelined, Joe Perry is taking his solo act on the road. The Joe Perry Project has been scheduled for three shows in smaller venues at the end of September and the begining of October. They played Plymouth, Massachusetts over the weekend, are scheduled for Foxboro on September 26th. They'll also be playing the Viper Room in Los Angeles on October 6th.

John Fogerty was honoured by the Americana Music Association last week. The group presented Fogerty with a Lifetime Achievement Award acknowledging his work as a songwriter both with Creedence Clearwater Revival and as a solo artist.

After Jack Osbourne appeared on the TV show Armed And Famous, a reality show filmed in conjuction with the Muncie, Indiana Police Department, Jack has convinced his father Ozzy Osbourne to adopt a dog. What that means is that Ozzy will be donating $10,000 to the Muncie police department. They will use that money for the purchase and training of the new dog in their K-9 unit. The dog will be named Ozzy.

Them Crooked Vultures have announced their first New York City show, at the Roseland Ballroom on October 15th. Their website has announced a presale September 24th at 4 p.m.

Bob Dylan appears to be alerting fans to secret shows via Twitter. Last night he tweeted about a previously unannounced show in Seattle on October 4th at the Moore Theater, writing “On sale 9/23 at 5:00 PDT. Find password then at http://bobdylan.com/tour.”

The Beatles, it appears, will never stop breaking records. Almost forty years after breaking up, the group sold 2.25 million records, worldwide, in just five days following the release of their remastered CDs on September 9th. Most of the records the band broke were for the most albums in an album chart at the same time. The highest-selling remastered record remains Abbey Road.

Aerosmith seems to be able to play shows, just one at a time. The band, currently on hiatus as Steven Tyler recuperates from a number of injuries, has announced that they will be performing in Abu Dhabi, the capital of the United Arab Emirates, on November 1st. The concert will mark the finale of Formula One's Grand Prix event.

Metallica's concert to benefit the Marin Rocks project netted $200,000 for the music museum in Marin. Now, their show has the potential to raise even more money, as it is being offered as an mp3 download on their website livemetallica.com for a fee of $9.95.

Look out, Leafs!

2009-09-22T09:14:00.002-04:00

I read in the paper this morning that the Toronto Maple Leafs were engaging in various bonding rituals, one of which involved a "wilderness outing". Now, I find the idea of any company thinking they can work more productively as a team thanks to some paintballing in the woods, but I'm more worried than that about this. Team-building excercises that involve wilderness outings almost always end in tragedy, unless movies and TV have lied to me. There is a 90 percent chance that some survivalists running a meth lab will go on the attack, or that you will stumble across some kind of sadistic, human-sacrificing, murderous religious cult. If you value your season, don't go!

My favourite stat right now

2009-09-22T08:06:00.004-04:00

Yes, I am geeky enough to have a favourite statistic. And I am also geeky enough to be a student of baseball history, which is why this statistic excites me so much. Albert Pujols is in the running for baseball's triple crown this season. He won't get it, of course. It's nearly impossible now to win a batting triple crown (although a few pitchers still have a shot). After all, the last guy to do it was Yastrzemski in 1967. But Jayson Stark of ESPN has pointed out something far more amazing than winning a triple crown in a single year. Pujols is on pace to win baseball's triple crown - for the entire decade. He's currently first in homers, first in RBIs and second in batting average this season in the NL.

But over the past decade, from 2000-2009, he is far and away first in homers (366 to Barry Bonds' 317). He is also first in RBIs (1,101) and first in batting average (.334 to Todd Helton's .331). There is no way he'll be overtaken in any of those categories before the end of this season, and by extension the decade. Read the full ESPN article here, it's fascinating.

http://insider.espn.go.com/espn/blog/index?entryID=4492671&name=stark_jayson&action=login&appRedirect=http%3a%2f%2finsider.espn.go.com%2fespn%2fblog%2findex%3fentryID%3d4492671%26name%3dstark_jayson

Today's Breaking Rock News

2009-09-22T05:34:00.001-04:00

Because the Breaking Rock News machine is screwed up and not doing anything, I have decided to post today's stories here on my blog. Enjoy...in as much as it's enjoyable.

The Stone Temple Pilots are going back on tour. The trek begins October 2nd in Alabama and is scheduled through November 21st in Kingston. No Ottawa date, but two in Ontario. Here are the dates we know so far:

October 02, 2009 - Mobile, AL @ Bayfest
October 03, 2009 - St. Augustine, FL @ St. Augustine Amphitheatre
October 04, 2009 - Orlando, FL @ Hard Rock Live
October 06, 2009 - Myrtle Beach, SC @ House of Blues
October 07, 2009 - Greensboro, NC @ Memorial Auditorium
October 09, 2009 - Portsmouth, VA @ nTelos Wireless Pavilion
October 10, 2009 - Reading, PA @ Reading Eagle Theater
October 11, 2009 - Columbus, OH @ LC Ampitheatre
October 13, 2009 - Denver, CO @ Fillmore Auditorium
October 15, 2009 - Fresno, CA @ Fresno Fair
October 18, 2009 - Phoenix, AZ @ Veterans Memorial Coliseum
October 20, 2009 - Oakland, CA @ Fox Theatre
October 22, 2009 - San Manuel, CA @ San Manuel Bingo & Casino Hall
October 23, 2009 - Primm, NV @ Star of the Desert
October 25, 2009 - Concho, OK @ Lucky Star Casino
November 07, 2009 - Victoria, BC @ Save on Foods Memorial Centre
November 09, 2009 - Kelowna, BC @ Prospera Place
November 11, 2009 - Edmonton, AB @ Shaw Conference Centre
November 14, 2009 - Regina, SK @ Brandy Centre - Evraz Place
November 15, 2009 - Winnipeg, MB @ MTS Centre
November 19, 2009 - London, ON @ Labatt Centre
November 21, 2009 - Kingston, ON @ K-Rock Centre

There has been a little acrimony between Ozzy Osbourne and Zakk Wylde since Ozzy told a reporter that Wylde was out of his band before telling Wylde. Now, Ozzy has opened up (a little) about the firing. He says, "I haven't fallen out with Zakk; he's a very good... Our relationship goes way beyond music...I just wanted to... He's got his own thing now, he's got his own band, he's got his own career — he don't need me anymore."

Alice In Chains have a new album coming out at the end of the month (September 29th), which features Elton John on one song. The band recently sat down for an extensive interview with James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich of Metallica, for some reason. To learn more, click here: http://www.fmqb.com/article.asp?id=1510213&spid=783

The concert to celebrate the 25th anniversary of the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame will be televised. HBO will carry the show and air a four-hour special on November 29th. The concerts will take place October 28th and 29th at New York's Madison Square Garden, and will feature performances by U2, Bruce Springsteen, Eric Clapton, Metallica and Aretha Franklin.

There is a Ben-Hur Live musical. And the music for it has been composed by Stewart Copeland, the drummer for the Police. Copeland also serves as the narrator for the show, which opened September 17th in London. The show played at the O2 arena until the 20th, and now it's on a tour of Europe.

Leonard Cohen, suffering from food poisoning, collapsed on stage in Valencia, Spain on Friday night. He spent a short time in the hospital over the weekend, but was released and is said to be doing fine. Cohen was scheduled to perform again last night in Barcelona, a concert that would mark his 75th birthday.

Steven Adler is not yet done with rehab. The former Guns N Roses drummer will be appearing as a "special guest" on season three of Celebrity Rehab. Adler recently recorded a track with Slash and Flea for Slash's solo record, which marked their professional reunion. Adler is also finalizing a book deal for his tell-all autobiography, and will be releasing his first instructional drumming DVD in 2010.

Metallica has managed to raise $200,000 for the "Marin Rocks" project in Marin County. The show, held September 11th at the Marin Veterans Memorial Auditorium, charged fans up to $350 per ticket. The money will go to the Marin Rocks project, which is an interactive museum detailing Marin's musical history.

Gotta love Jack White

2009-09-22T04:55:00.000-04:00

No joke about Kanye West will top that.

New Cynical Cinema reviews

2009-09-22T04:40:00.002-04:00

All new releases today

Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past - It's a Matthew McConaughey movie. Ergo, it's really, really bad.

Easy Virtue - It's clever, and has some very funny moments, and Colin Firth is terrific. But Jessica Biel is all wrong for the role of the star.

The Very First Alvin Show - The first ever Alvin And the Chipmunks episode, from 1961. How did this show ever take off?

Alvin and the Chipmunks Go To The Movies: Star Wreck - They confuse Star Wars and Star Trek in the very first scene. It goes downhill from there.

The Silence - A really well made movie from Australia with a really awful script. Stylish, but bad.

Mitch Fatel Is Magical - Mitch Fatel talks about sex and women for an hour. It's really funny and good for 55 minutes.

Ghost Whisperer Season Four - Jennifer Love Hewitt is on my list of Top Five Women Whose Bath Water I Would Drink. I have no idea what her show's about.

Brotherhood Final Season - I'm pretty sour that this excellent show was canceled after three seasons. It means there's a pretty weak wrap-up to the whole thing. But awesome nonetheless.

Star Trek Original Series Season Two Blu-Ray - You have to make a pretty impressive Blu-Ray edition to satisfy the techno-geeks who love their Star Trek. Thankfully, they have.

CSI Season Nine - Grissom is gone. Sara is gone. Warrick is dead. I guess Gary Dourdan burned more bridges than Jorja Fox and William Petersen. Laurence Fishburne is here now. That's positive.

Best thing in today's news...

2009-09-18T08:32:00.002-04:00

It was a toss-up for me today..."Greyhound Killer Remains A Threat" was a fine headline. Because we thought that guy would be cool by now. Or the article that says police warn people not to approach Gutu Osman Daoud, the suspect in a strip club shooting, because they consider him dangerous. They released a photo, but just in case anyone saw him and walked up to him saying "hey, aren't you that guy wanted for attempted murder", they added the warning. IT could happen...

But I decided on this story as a winner: Anissa Holmes, a Playboy model, was booted from Facebook. First of all, there was no nudity on her page. Just lingerie stuff and bikini pictures. Frankly, isn't that what most of us use facebook for? Looking for pictures of our attractive friends in their bikinis? I keep trying to convince my wife to take some bikini pictures to upload to facebook, for that reason alone. So far, no luck. Ms. Holmes is upset because facebook was an important networking tool for her modeling career. After all, no one has photos and a portfoliio and all that anymore, they just have facebook and a link. Or, you can check out her official website here. Cause she has one of those as well. Of course.

More than anything though, she's upset because facebook won't let her in to get her pictures back. Like, the only copies of her modeling pictures existed on facebook, and nowhere else? She had no backups? Facebook was the database to which she uploaded all her work stuff, and she figured that would be just fine? Much as I find it sad and idiotic for facebook to get all morality-police on their users, I find it equally sad that people rely on facebook for their future employment prospects. And really? Once facebook has booted you and removed access to your profile, they can't let you back in? They can't delete your content, but they can't give that content back to the person whose content it is? Silliness. Oh well, she's always got Playboy. And my blog. I have put some Anissa Holmes pictures up on my website here, because I figure she has lost one venue through which to advertise herself. Maybe this will help make up the difference.

Football picks week 2

2009-09-18T06:24:00.006-04:00

I'm 13-3 straight up now, and 8-8 against the spread. I would still not recommend taking my advice. Here it is anyway!

Houston at Tennessee (favoured by 7): I like the Titans. They looked pretty good against a dominant Steelers team in Week One, and they have an extra three days to prepare for Houston. But I think the Texans need this win more - they faltered in the opener, and their heart is being questioned. I still think the Titans are better, and at home they shouldn't lose this game. But if this is to be Houston's year, they need to pick it up soon. Titans to win, Texans to cover. Titans, 20-17. Verdict (Texans, 34-31): Wrong. Well, the Texans covered. This may well be Houston's year. The Titans, despite being 0-2, are still a very good football team. But they are nowhere near the team they appeared to be last season.

Oakland at Kansas City (no line): The Raiders looked way better than I thought they would against San Diego - after all, this is a team that was learning football basics on the last week of training camp. Like, how to run, and not fall down. Dysfunctional though they may be, the Raiders are somehow decent. And I think they are far better than KC, even on the road. Raiders, 24-18. Verdict (Raiders, 13-10): Well, maybe not far better. But the Raiders, though dysfuntcion reigns supreme in that clubhouse, are a pretty tough football team with heart. They could win a few close games this year, and they must continue to beat terrible teams like the Chiefs. Good first step.

New England at New York Jets (no line): I love what the Jets are doing. It's week 2, and they're calling out the Team To Beat, the Patriots, before their game. But the Pats are not yet ripe for a calling-out. It may have taken them 55 minutes, but was there any doubt Brady would get it done in the last two against the Bills? Jets are better than the Bills, and they will keep it very close. Patriots, 28-27. Verdict (Jets, 16-9): When the game had 2:00 to go, I had no doubt in my mind that Tom Brady would march the Patriots down the field to score the tying TD, and that the Patriots would win in overtime. The fact that he didn't, and he looked a little off all game (like he did against the Bills) is either a testament to the fact that the Pats are way past their prime, or that the Jets have a much better D than previously thought. I am betting more on the former than I am on the latter. Gotta like that Sanchez, though.

Cincinnati at Green Bay (9): The Packers beat a very good Bears team last week, thanks to Cutler's 41 interceptions. Carson Palmer will not hand this game to Green Bay in that way. He has an awful defense to do that for him. Also, the Bengals appear to be utterly snakebitten, if that Denver game is any indication. They'll keep it closer than 9 points, but they will lose. Packers, 27-20. Verdict (Bengals, 31-24): Wrong. Well, the Bengals did indeed cover. So I got that going for me...I now have trouble pegging either of these teams. The Bengals, who took three and three-quarters quarters to put up a measly 7 points against that terrible Broncos defense, managed to score 31 on a pretty decent Packers defense. Looks like it might take the Pack a little while longer to adjust to the 3-4.

Arizona at Jacksonville (3): This might actually be the most intriguing matchup of the week. The Jags looked pretty solid as they took the Colts to the limit last week, and the Cards looked pretty weak as they were surprised by the Niners. However, when it comes down to it, I feel the NFC is substantially better than the AFC this year when it comes to teams in the middle of the pack. Jacksonville is favoured at home, but I think the Cards will win outright. Arizona, 24-21. Verdict (Cardinals, 31-17): Right, and right And it wasn't even close to a three-point margin. The Jaguars are simply not that good. And for the middle of the road games this season, I am looking at picking the NFC just about every time.

New Orleans at Philadelphia (no line): This one has no line because of Donovan McNabb. Out thanks to that dive on a meaningless 5th TD effort last week. With either of the backup QBs, (Jeff Garcia signed to what amounts to a two-game contract, with both McNabb and Michael Vick back soon) Philly will be in tough. Not that Brees is going to throw six TDs against this defense. The Eagles are not the Lions. Saints, 35-33. Verdict (Saints, 48-22): No, the Eagles are not the Lions. But the Saints remain the Saints. If Drew Brees can put up 300 yards and 3 TDs against a defense like the Eagles, and do it consistently, this will be his MVP season. By the way - not that it really matters, but it's kinda neat. Brees is on pace to throw for 72 TDs this season right now. I would take the under on that, if offered odds. The Saints D still looks porous, the Eagles put up huge yardage numbers in this one. But they need to maintain possession of the ball.

Minnesota (9.5) at Detroit: The Vikings are going to be the best team in this division (unless Green Bay really surprises), and the Lions will be the worst (unless Chicago falls completely apart without Urlacher). Adrian Peterson will have another massive game, Favre will throw at least three TDs, and the Lions will once again be embarassed. Vikings, 35-17. Verdict (27-13): Yeah. The Vikings appear to be slow starters so far this season, but once they get going, there is no stopping them. Or Adrian Peterson, who had a very easy 92 yards and a TD when it mattered most.

St. Louis at Washington (10): The Rams will be in contention for Worst Team In Football honours this season. And the Skins are either over-rated or under-rated because of the high level of competition in their division. I am betting on under-rated. Skins, 24-10. Verdict (Skins, 9-7): Well, I certainly wouldn't have expected the game to be this low-scoring. But I could have predicted it would be this bad. I think I might have been better off betting on the Skins being over-rated.

Carolina at Atlanta (6): I like the Falcons in this game. I think they made a big leap in Game One, cementing the idea that they can once again be a contender. And the Panthers (and Delhomme) looked simply awful against the Eagles. But the Falcons D is not the Eagles D. And the Falcons offense is not the Eagles offence. Same goes for Carolina and Miami. Falcons to win, but Carolina to cover. Falcons, 21-17. Verdict (Falcons, 28-20): Nope, Atlanta covered. The Panthers might have the biggest fall of any team in the NFL this season unless they right the ship, and soon. Atlanta could repeat last year's success, which would surprise me greatly. Or, at least, it would have two games ago.

Seattle at San Francisco (1.5): The fact that the spread is so small indicates that odds-makers believe that Seattle is a little better than the Niners. They aren't. Not yet, anyway. Both these teams are great dark horse picks this season, and they could both win their division. I will take the Niners simply because they are at home, and they are a little better than the Seahawks. Niners, 24-21. Verdict (Niners, 23-10): Wow. I rescind those earlier statements. The Niners are much better than the Seahawks. The Niners are 2-0, and leading their division. They could actually win that division this year. Repeat. The Niners could actually win their division. Don't ignore this team this season.

Tampa Bay at Buffalo (no line): The Bills lost a hearbreaker. How they respond will determine the outcome of this one, and they have a short week in which to do it. The Bucaneers are a bad team, and they will take only what another team gives. Look for Buffalo not to give them much, and Terrell Owens to have a big game. Bills 33-25. Verdict (Bills, 33-20): Pretty darn close. Who would have thought Tampa could explode for those extra five points? The Bucs are awful, truly awful. Buffalo is good, but they are in that tough division with the Patriots and the 2-0 Jets. They won't make the playoffs, but they will be entertaining. Owens didn't have the big game I thought he would, but 52 yards on 3 catches and a TD isn't bad.

Pittsburgh (3) at Chicago: Both teams are without their heavy hitters on defense. Which will hurt more? The loss of Polamalu or Urlacher? In the long run it will be Urlacher, who is gone for the season. And in the short term too. Jay Cutler threw a ton of interceptions against an average Green Bay defense still feeling their way around the 3-4. Against the Steelers defense? Please. Steelers, 27-13. Verdict (Bears, 17-14): Colour me stunned. The Bears have an awful lot of heart, and they showed it in this one. I think the Steelers miss Polamalu more than I anticipated. And the Bears are covering for the loss of Urlacher better than I expected. Jay Cutler appears to be settling down, having what can be considered a very good game against this defense. Look out, NFC!

Cleveland at Denver (3): Denver clearly has the easiest opening two weeks on the entire schedule. And the miracle at Cincy notwithstanding, I still believe they will be the worst team in the NFL when it's all said and done this year. The Browns aren't much better. But they are better. Browns, 14-9. Verdict (Broncos, 27-6): Seriously? The Broncos are 2-0? In what world does that make sense? And in what world do they blow out the Browns? OK. I picked Denver to be the worst team in the NFL this season. I will change my opinion now. I now believe they will be the worst road team in the NFL this season. And they will be halfway decent at home. And they will finish 5-11. Cool?

Baltimore at San Diego (no line): The Ravens look fantastic. And Flacco, even though he doesn't need to do a lot, seems more and more comfortable and capable. The San Diego offense is certainly one of the best that Baltimore D will face this year, but they are in a bit of turmoil with Sproles and Tomlinson both wanting the ball. In San Diego, it will be no cakewalk, but I think Baltimore will prevail. Ravens, 17-14. Verdict (Ravens, 31-26): Pretty darn close. But who would have thought these two teams could put up these numbers against each other? Not me...I think Merriman is still struggling, and the Chargers need him to be much, much better if they want to contend for a Super Bowl. What a game though! And that Ray Lewis hit on the final play? Magnificent.

New York Giants at Dallas (2.5): I don't think you can read anything into the Week One Dallas win against a subpar opponent. I think the Giants win was more impressive against better competition. And I think the Cowboys are really not in the same league, team-wise, as the Giants this season. Or last. Or next. Giants, 24-17. Verdict (Giants, 33-31): Well, it was closer than I thought it would be. But the Giants are a better team. They have more heart. Eli Manning is better than Tony Romo. And Dallas will have a really tough year in this division if they can't hold off New York in their first ever game in that new stadium.

Indianapolis (3) at Miami: I still think the Dolphins have a few big games in them this year, but against Peyton Manning...on Monday night...this isn't one of them. The Colts just squeaked by against the Jaguars last week, while the Fish were pounded by Atlanta. I think the Colts will make this a decisive win on Monday. Colts, 33-18. Verdict (Colts, 27-23): Well, the Colts won, and they covered (barely), but this was not the decisive victory I expected. And I hate blaming one guy for a loss, but Ted Ginn could have made one of those big catches that he so consistently dropped and this would have been an altogether different outcome. I do, indeed, buy into the wildcat offense, and into Miami's chances this season. They seemed to move the ball at will. But then, the Colts can score in the blink of an eye. And they did.

This week, I'm 11-5 overall, 11-5 against the spread. That makes me 24-8 overall, and 19-13 ATS so far. Decent, I guess.

Shocked and apalled. Appalled? Appealed?

2009-09-17T06:35:00.002-04:00

Funny article of the day today...students (teenage students) are smoking...illegal smokes! How old do you have to be to smoke? 19? I think...but there was still someone, somewhere, who paid for a study on cigarette butts picked up around high schools. Which then discovered that most of those butts came from illegal cigarettes. Which, according to the article, can contain human fecal matter, insect eggs and other gross stuff. Which might make them considerably healthier than a regular smoke. Now, the big question is, how do we stop this? How can we convince teenagers to purchase $10-a-pack, government-taxed cigarettes instead of illegal, $1-a-pack smokes? A campaign must be started...

This study was done at eleven area high schools by the National Coalition Against Contraband Tobacco. Or, NCACT, to friends. The spokesperson for this Coalition is one Gary Grant (no relation, I am assuming, to Cary Grant, who was a little cooler). The big problem, he says, is that children are smoking cigarettes that have been purchased from criminals. Perhaps, had he left off the "that have been purchased from criminals" part, that statement could carry more weight. But this is a sad Cath-22 situation, isn't it? Even if these children went to their local corner store and bought properly taxed, government approved cigarettes from the guy behind the counter, they are still underaged. Which would make the guy behind the counter responsible. Which would make him a criminal. Which would mean that the children were purchasing their smokes from a criminal. What to do!

Well, it appears the only logical thing to do to stop all this is to lower the smoking age to nine years old. And to include packs of legal, government-approved cigarettes in packs of Pokemon cards and Teen Jonas magazines. That way, the kids will get hooked on the proper smokes at an early age, and develop brand loyalty for life. Problem solved. Also, this could avert the need for costly studies like this one in the future.

Really?

2009-09-17T06:31:00.002-04:00

Funny article of the day in the newspaper...a full-length column talking about a book that has just been released - a workout book specifically designed for curlers. Not only that, but not once, in the whole article, did the columnist make fun of the book! Fitness? For curlers? I think there are three "sports" in the Olympics where you might see fat guys - archery, darts and curling. Wait. Is darts in the Olympics? Probably. I must get this book though. It should be an easy nine-page read...Excercise one. Lift beer to mouth. Excercise two. Repeat excercise one nine more times. Excercise three. Now get out there and curl, you athletic specimen.

Some great Patrick Swayze moments

2009-09-16T02:25:00.002-04:00

Patrick Swayze was just about the most 80s of all the 80s stars. Many of the cheesiest moments of the entire decade came courtesy of that man. Some of the great moments also. A retrospective:

First, the gloriously silly Point Break, one of life's finest guilty pleasures:

How about Road House? Another guilty pleasure in life...because bar fights alone do not a movie make, how about...karate bar fights? With bonus points for Jeff Healey playing "Hoochie Coochie Man" in the background:

I can't find that video of Swayze doing the karate-pattern flex-dance on the beach in Road House. That's a little disappointing. And I'm not allowed to put up that Chippendales skit Swayze did with Chris Farley on SNL. At least I was able to find the trailer for one of Swayze's later, cheesier efforts, Black Dog.

Perhaps Swayze's best moment on film was in Donnie Darko. A classic infomercial from that film:

And, let's not forget the Trailer Park Boys, who made Patrick Swayze entirely relevant long after his movie star days were over and his TV star days were yet to begin:

Sorry ladies, no Ghost or Dirty Dancing. I have managed to go my entire life without ever watching Dirty Dancing, beginning to end, despite the best efforts of Every Girl I Have Ever Dated. And I reviewed Ghost for Cynical Cinema when it came out on Blu-Ray. I get it, everyone knows those movies best. But then, why would I put clips of them up if everyone already knows them, right? OK, one last one that is as awesome as it is ludicrous:

Wel'll miss you, Patrick Swayze.

New Cynical Cinema

2009-09-15T06:55:00.002-04:00

Lotsa stuff for the kids this week...or the mushroom crowd...whatever.

Nickelodeon's Animal Friends! - Why the exclamation mark? No idea. Kids love exclamation marks, I guess, and they are therefore more likely to ask for this DVD. Or something.

Dora Saves the Crystal Kingdom - That's Dora the Explorer, just so you know. And this DVD has nothing to do with Indiana Jones. Which is a little disappointing.

Diego's Mega Missions - A Three-disc box set of that kid Diego, who used to hang out with Dora until he felt she was cramping his style, and now he hangs out with a baby jaguar and his sister and wears one white glove like Michael Jackson.

Diego's Arctic Rescue - Why bother with this DVD? It's a part of the Mega-Missions box set, and isn't thrice the Diego better?

Bonanza, Season One Volumes One and Two - Hoss, Little Joe, et al get it all started. Whoop.

One Step Beyond First Season - 1959 TV show that is delightfully cheesy and dated. "True" stories of the paranormal. Love it.

The Modern Con Man Collection - This lame dweeb naed Todd Robbins does some lame dweebish tricks and scams over three DVDs.

VeggieTales: Minnesota Cuke and the Search For Noah's Umbrella - This actually is Noah, like the biblical Noah. And his umbrella. A little preachy. I'm sick of God.

Crank 2: High Voltage - A pretty lame follow-up to a fun movie. Get it? The horse has a big unit...ugh.

Crank - A review I added for context. This one is much better.

Old Jews Telling Jokes - Just a bunch of old men and women telling familiar jokes in front of a white screen. It's strangely compelling.

Full Battle Rattle - An amazing documentary about a fake Iraqi village created to train American soldiers. It's like a mockumentary. But real. And freaky.

Backwoods - One of those movies where people go into the woods for a corporate paintball retreat and are beset by hicks froma religious cult of militia-type survivalists who run a meth lab. It IS as bad as it sounds.

NFL pool is up and running

2009-09-10T04:42:00.007-04:00

The NFL pool is going now at chez106.com. It took a while to get it up there, it took a while to get the spreads in, but just in time for tonight's first game of the season, it's good to go. You have to go to the main page, then click on "music and stuff", then click on "contests", then scroll down past the World Of Sports, and you can see the football pool. Click on the little link at the bottom on the right, then click "register" once you're in. It's that simple!

Also new this year will be some serious NFL parties at Tail Gators on Merivale Road. I'll be hosting one every month, showcasing one game in particular and hanging out there from about 1:00 until 8:00 (as is my understanding). There will be a poker event, where you can win your way into the World Poker Tour. There will also be a prize for knocking me out of the poker game. Oh, and football. Prizes for all kinds of football-related games, and of course we'll be giving out the NFL team jerseys that are being given away by Tail Gators to the weekly winners in the CHEZ NFL pool. First event takes place on the 20th of September - I'll provide more details when I know exactly what the hell it is I'm doing there.

In the meantime, week one is kicking off tonight with the Steelers and Titans. And, as I do every year, I am going to make predictions here on my blog. And, as I do every year, I will caution you not to follow my advice. I am doing this for myself, merely so I have a record of my pool picks before the games take place, and I can then reference them later should a discrepancy arise in one of my pools. I didn't win any of my pools last year, so my advice will likely help no one.

Titans at Pittsburgh (Line: Steelers by 6):
I think the line is too big. I like the Steelers, at home in prime time, where they are virtually unbeatable. But remember, the Titans had the best record in football last year, and they are no slouches on the road. Most of their team remains intact. But in prime time, I will take the Steelers to win. Titans to cover. Pittsburgh 23-20.
Verdict (Steelers 13-10): Bang on. Even if Hines Ward had held onto the ball at the end of the game, it still would have been a 3-point Steeler victory. The Titans aren't quite the team they were last year, but they are still awfully good. They miss Albert Haynesworth quite a bit, it appears. And Pittsburgh has some big questions with their running game, and could be hurting with Polamalu out of the lineup for a few weeks. But they should still win more than they lose.

Miami at Atlanta (Line: Falcons by 4):
Were this game in Miami, I would like the Dolphins. I am not convinced that either team is as good as their records indicated last year, and I expect Matt Ryan to suffer from a sophomore jinx. But I expect the Fish to come down to earth a little bit harder, and I think an above-average team in the NFC is actually better than an above-average team in the AFC this season. Atlanta to win and cover. Just. Falcons 25-20.
Verdict (Falcons 19-7): The Falcons did win, and did cover, but I didn't think they would do it this easily. Matt Ryan certainly looked better than I thought he would, and the Falcons defense appears to have stepped up some. Or, the Dolphins fall has been faster than even I anticipated.

Kansas City at Baltimore (Line: Ravens by 13):
I think this line could be 20 and I would still pick the Ravens to cover. The Ravens are awfully close to being one of the elite teams in the AFC (Colts, Patriots, Steelers), and the Chiefs will be abysmal this year. Sophomore jinx won't happen to Joe Flacco, because the team around him is superb and he doesn't have to do much anyway. Ravens, 33-10.
Verdict (Ravens, 38-24): The Chiefs actually came to play, keeping the game tied at 24 until Joe Flacco got rolling late. If Flacco can look like this, or at least close to it, for the rest of the year, the Ravens could be the best team in football.

Philadelphia at Carolina (Line: Eagles by 2):
I like both these teams. I like the Eagles more. This will be their first game on their way to the playoffs and eventually the Super Bowl. The Eagles weren't that good on the road last year - this year they will be far better. And Carolina was unbeaten at home last year. Which means this is a really tough one to call. I'm going to chicken out and say Eagles win, Panthers cover. Eagles, 21-20.
Verdict (Eagles 38-10): I shouldn't have chickened out. The Eagles did win, but the Panthers came nowhere near covering the spread. Looks like that home playoff loss they took last year was more indicative of their level than was their 8-0 home record during the season. And the Eagles are that good.

Denver at Cincinnati (Line: Bengals by 4):
Both these teams are just awful. But the Bengals look to have had a reasonably productive off-season and might be just bad, rather than dreadful, this year. The Broncos are in disarray and I think they will be at the very bottom of the league this season. Bengals to win and cover. Cincinnati, 27-17.
Verdict (Denver, 12-7): Seriously? Seven points by the Bengals offense, with Carson Palmer back and playing against that dreadful, dreadful Denver defense? How sad. The Broncos are still truly, truly awful. But maybe the Bengals will NOT be the surprise team people think they will this season. I was wrong, and...wrong.

Minnesota at Cleveland (Line: Vikings by 4):
Favre's going to start the season hot. The Browns just announced their starting QB a couple of days ago. Brady Quinn isn't going to come out of the gate on fire, thanks Mangenius. Vikings to win big. Minnesota, 30-13.
Verdict (Vikings, 34-20): Brett Favre will start the season hot. Check. Vikings win big. Check. Brady Quinn will be ineffective, average at best. Check.

New York Jets at Houston (Line: Texans by 5.5):
Mark Sanchez isn't winning this debut. Up against that Texans defense, he will be shaken, stirred and totally crushed. The Jets just don't have the protection or weapons he needs to make a game of this. Houston will have a good year, the Jets will not, and it all starts here. Texans, 30-14.
Verdict (Jets, 24-7): This is the biggest stunner of the week for me. Mark Sanchez isn't winning? Or, he will throw for 272 yards against what I thought was a pretty darn good Houston pass defense. And have the Jets actually gotten...better on D? Well, colour me very wrong.

Jacksonville at Indianapolis (Line: Colts by 7):
Colts will be great, again, like they are every year. The Jaguars will be a little better this season, but not enough to cover the spread against Peyton Manning in Game One. Colts, 34-21.
Verdict (Colts, 14-12): Jaguars kept it close, and covered the spread. Good for them. They do tend to play Indy very tight and very well. I wouldn't read too much into their effort for the rest of the year though.

Detroit at New Orleans (Line: Saints by 13):
The Lions, of course, will not go 0-16 this season. But they won't be good. They started to play reasonably well in their last few losses of last season, and they will want to make a game of this one. Matt Stafford gets a pretty easy defense in his first ever start in the NFL, and I think he will do OK. The Saints D is terrible. Their offense is too good for them not to win the game, but I think it will be closer than this spread. Saints, 42-35.
Verdict (Saints, 45-27): It could have been closer. Matt Stafford really did look good in his NFL debut. But the Saints are so explosive on offense that they blew the game wide open toward the end. This is a team you will have to outscore in shootouts this year, beating up on their defense and keeping that offense off the field.

Dallas at Tampa Bay (Line: Cowboys by 6):
I think this will be a disaster year for Tony Romo and the Cowboys. Or maybe I just hope that. The new stadium, the distractions, this team needs no more distractions. Starting away from that new dome is good for them though, and the Buccaneers are almost certain to have a worse season when it's all said and done. Cowboys, 24-14.
Verdict (Cowboys, 34-21): Pretty darn close. Cowboys did cover, did win, and looked a heck of a lot better than the awful Bucs. Wait until they hit some good competition though. Like, their division.

San Francisco at Arizona (Line: Cardinals by 6.5):
The Niners played the Cardinals very, very close last season. And the Cards have lost a step since their Super Bowl appearance. With Larry Fitzgerald catching passes from Kurt Warner, they will win this game. But the Niners will make it close. Cardinals, 23-21.
Verdict (Niners, 20-16): They certainly made it close. And then some. The Cardinals will not have the year they had last year, but it looks as though the Niners might actually be a contender for that division. Really? I guess...

Washington at New York Giants (Line: Giants by 6.5):
The Giants remain very, very good. The Skins aren't awful, but they will finish third or fourth in the division, and the Giants know that the division games will be the ones that count biggest when the season ends. They will want to make a statement in Game One. And they will. Giants, 27-10.
Verdict (Giants, 23-17): Well, not quite the statement I was expecting. They hit the spread pretty much bang-on, and Washington managed to cover. The Giants still look like the far superior team here though.

St. Louis at Seattle (Line: Seahawks by 8.5):
The Seahawks look surprisingly improved since even the start of the preseason. But they are still not a great team, or even a good one. Although the Rams are dreadful, they are not 9 points worse than the Hawks, even in Seattle. Seahawks, 27-24.
Verdict (Seahawks 28-0): Wow. The Rams are nine points worse than the Seahawks. In fact, they are 28 points worse. This team just kept shooting themselves in the foot, over and over and over. Which meant they couldn't score. Or walk.

Chicago at Green Bay (Line: Packers by 3.5):
Both these teams will be good this year. I would take Chicago if the game were in Chicago. But it's in Green Bay, and the Packers are looking at the playoffs again. Aaron Rodgers will be good, the defense will be good, Greg Jennings will have a big game, and the Pack will win. Packers, 21-13.
Verdict (Packers 21-15): Pretty darn close. Looked for a while like Cutler would rebound from a truly awful first half (where he threw three picks - it could have been six) and lead the Bears to victory. But nope. You know, it was just that one safety that kept me from being totally right.

Buffalo at New England (Line: Patriots by 10.5):
Terrell Owens is going to make the Bills better. But with New England getting Brady back, they are once again the team to beat in the AFC. The Bills will not finish with a winning record, the Patriots will win this division easily, and it all begins with a beatdown Week One. Patriots, 35-17.
Verdict (Patriots, 25-24): Well, that wasn't exactly a beatdown, was it? I was pretty wrong there. I liked the way the Patriots still don't lose their composure, and there remains something terribly inevitable about that team where even down 24-13 I just expect them to win. And in Game One, they did.

San Diego at Oakland (Line: Chargers by 9.5):
San Diego barely needs to show up this year to win their weaksauce division. They can half-ass their way through every single game. And I predict that, to start their season, they will. I think that with a concerted effort, they could pound Oakland worse than any other game this week. But I don't think they will. I think they will squeak by with a slim margin of victory. Chargers, 21-18.
Verdict (San Diego, 24-20): Pretty much dead on here. The Chargers have way more talent than the Raiders, and ought to destroy this team. But they allowed themselves to get punched in the mouth throughout the first half, and it took a few young-QB mistakes from JaMarcus Russell to give them the win. It also looks like Philip Rivers is not quite in the form he showed at the end of last year. The Chargers will still, of course, win their division easily.

Overall: This week, kicking off the year, I went 13-3 straight up, 8-8 against the spread. That's a pretty messed up discrepancy.

New Cynical Cinema

2009-09-08T03:16:00.003-04:00

All new releases today

The Chaos Experiment: One of those movies that puts the word "chaos" in the title to make it seem like they know something about chaos theory, even though they don't, and the movie is awful. Eve Mauro looks terrific naked though.

Meteor: A made for TV miniseries about a meteor that is about to crash into the earth. It's pretty bad.

Harper's Island: A made for TV miniseries about people getting murdered one by one at a wedding on an island. It starts out well, ends very silly.

Nitro Circus Season One: When the guys from Jackass do this stuff, they're just going to get hurt. That might be your thing. I like Nitro Circus far better because these guys have a chance to actually land some of their attempted tricks.

Important Things With Demetri Martin Season One: Demetri Martin is pretty funny, and his show is well put together. Even if it has little to do with "things".

The Meerkats: Paul Newman narrates a documentary about meerkats. Nowhere near as good as Meerkat Manor.

Criminal Minds Season Four: Still a cool show, even though Thomas Gibson bugs me a fair amount. It has Joe Mantegna, and that's not bad.

District 9: Awesome.

Hunger: A sensational movie about imprisoned IRA soldier Bobby Sands and his hunger strike in the early 80s.

I Love You, Man: It's well written. It can be quite funny. But I was so uncomfortable watching it that I couldn't enjoy the movie at all.

State of Play: A pretty solid movie, Russell Crowe and Helen Mirren and Rachel McAdams are pretty good. Also, on the plus side, it makes sense.

Tyson: Utterly fascinating and bizarrely compelling movie where Mike Tyson tells his own story in his own words. His own twisted, bizarre words.

How strange.

2009-09-03T17:26:00.002-04:00

I saw something awesome today. It was a wet-nap...made just for kids! And I thought, it's about time kids got their own brand of wet-nap. After all, with their tiny fingers, they are simply not equipped to deal with the complexities of an adult wet-nap. Now, I understand kids' brand shampoo. The idea behind that being that kids will, obviously, get soap in their eyes. Kids don't understand "shampoo", and can't be expected to understand where it actually goes. So the shampoo is specifically designed to go in eyes, which is nice. I would like this product to be available for adults, actually. I am jealous every time my step-kids take showers, knowing full well that they will come out of the thing cleaner than I can ever hope to be. Not only will their hair and bodies be clean, so will their eyeballs. I can't match that.

Sunscreen for kids makes good sense also. After all, child-skin is much different than adult-skin. And it seems logical to me that a lower SPF is less harmful to children because it allows more UV rays to hit their skin, giving them a better tan, thereby making them more attractive, and avoiding the self-esteem issues that come with pale skin. Really, it's protection for their brains. And kids' bug spray is sensible too. Kids, once again, are incapable of fending off bugs on their own, and require some kind of skin protectant. But it can't be the same as adult skin protectant, because child-skin is different. I assume. Also, kids are necessarily going to lick their skin after the application of said bugspray, because kids lick their arms. All the time. May as well at least make the bug spray taste good. If it tasted awful, like adult bug spray, then they might stop licking it off their arms. And think what that would do to their self-esteem!

I saw a bottle of Flintstone vitamins in our cupboard upstairs. It used to contain vitamins in the shape of dinosaurs and a guy in a loincloth, ensuring that children were more willing to chew their vitamins. Now it houses, bizarrely, a collection of bottle caps. Kids move on. This, once again, is a great idea. Give kids vitamins in the shape of...vitamins...and they would turn up their noses, knowing full well this was "good for them". Like they do at broccoli. And the collected works of Thomas Hardy, which I am always trying to force upon them. I bet if Jude The Obscure was printed as a pop-up book in the shape of a green dinosaur. more kids would read it.

Dinosaurs are good for all things Child, aren't they? After all, the only way to soothe an aching boo-boo is apparently a band-aid with cartoon dinosaurs or cartoon Spongebobs on it. Kids are simply not mature enough to handle skin-coloured adult band-aids, and they remain convinced, until they are about nine years of age, that only band-aids with dinosaurs actually cure wounds. For some this understanding lasts into adulthood. I had to learn, all over again, how to draw a triceratops with a sharpie so I could put one on the big-ass bandages I used to cover the stomach abscess I had last year. I sure felt better after that.

In fact, most kids products are better. Tonight, I will flavour my meal with Child Bug Spray, wash up with a Child Wet Nap, take a shower and clean my eyeballs, then before I go to bed I will brush my teeth with that toothpaste that comes in the stand up container, that sparkles on my toothbrush and tastes like bubblegum. I wonder if that stuff is still around. I wonder if it was actually made with bubblegum.

Them Crooked Vultures teasing again

2009-09-03T05:48:00.001-04:00

Fifty-two seconds worth this time!

Cool though...

Sometimes it gets boring out on location...

2009-09-03T03:50:00.003-04:00

Sometimes, I get the person working as our technician to give me a word about two seconds before I go on the air, and I try to fit that word (or phrase) into the one-minute piece I do. Other times, I scour the place for beer. And sometimes I do this.

The motorcycle leather and helmets and boots and neck warmers and so forth blowout event is going on at the Embassy West hotel until Friday at 8:00. Open 9-9 today.

This may not have been that well thought out

2009-09-02T05:46:00.002-04:00

Is it just me, or is there something absolutely horrifying about this? Well, it isn't just me. The guy who put it up on the ol' youtube found that there was something horrifying about it as well. This has bothered me before with other Guitar Hero video games, but perhaps never so much as it does here. Of course, we all understand (I think) that there are so many songs that make it to the game, and that people have very diverse musical tastes, and that not all the songs are going to be top-calibre tunes. I tried as best I could to skip the awful tunes (Poison, I'm looking at you) while playing Guitar Hero III with the kids. But you can't avoid them all. And when the icons you unlock are veritable musical legends, like the upcoming game's Kurt Cobain or Carlos Santana or Johnny Cash, this is bound to happen:

Creepy, eh? A little upsetting, perhaps? Now imagine being "Johnny Cash" and playing 3 Doors Down. Or Motley Crue. Oh, the sadness!

New Cyincal Cinema

2009-09-02T05:41:00.002-04:00

All new releases today here.

Sin Nombre - A really, really great movie about two young people trying desperately to get to the United States across the border to escape a life of crime. Totally gripping.

The Game, Season One - A show about football that shows no football at all. Not a practice, a scrimmage, a down, or a helmet. It's an excuse to show shirtless guys with six-pack abs. And it stars that chick from Sister Sister. Well, one of them. How awful.

I don't get it.

2009-08-28T04:31:00.003-04:00

I don't get golf and tennis. How come they are the only two sports with "majors"? Every other sport has a championship of some kind. Whether it be a Super Bowl or a Stanley Cup or a Larry O'Brien trophy or what have you. Even NASCAR, if you want to call that a "sport", has points and standings and crowns a champion. (Although, I suppose that technically that sport has "majors" as well, like the Daytona 500 and such.) I was thinking about this when going down the prize list for the World of Sports. Which is a pretty cool prize list.

But then I thought really, what makes the US Open more prestigious than any other golf tournament? Or the Masters or the British or whatever. You don't win more money for that tournament. There are other, richer tournaments on the tour, and usually the top golfers in the world are measured by money won. There is this FedEx cup thing going on now which should be a bigger, more prestigious event than any major, shouldn't it? There is more money involved...there is actually a playoff of sorts...an overall champion is crowned. Then again, the rules of this FedEx thing are so strange and they change so often that I imagine it's tough for the whole thing to cut through and gain purchase with fans.

I tried to research the four majors in golf and in tennis, because I wanted to find out when, and why, people decided that they were more important than the other tournaments. I couldn't find an answer. It seems as though it's just always been that way. Something about Arnold Palmer declaring it so in the 60s or something too. I don't know. Even if these are the longest-running tournaments in golf, that still doesn't explain it. Is it really prestige alone? In that case golf is even more snooty than I thought. And I already thought it was plenty snooty.

I would like to see this ethos played out over other sports. Like, in hockey. From now on, if you beat one of the original six teams (Chicago, Boston, Detroit, New York, Montreal, Toronto), you get double the points for the win. Each of those Original Six teams will start the season with eleven points of their own, to make up for the fact that they can't play themselves during the season, and schedules will be balanced to make sure every other team plays an equal number of games against those six. Or in the NFL, we will arbitrarily designate four franchises...say, Green Bay, Dallas, Chicago and Pittsburgh to be the "elite" teams with the deepest history, and the same will go for them. Maybe this way, the Leafs can win a Stanley Cup. And the Cowboys can go back to a Super Bowl. But I'll still root against both.

The sad fact is, that even if Tiger Woods wins the FedEx thing, however one goes about "winning" it, whatever it is, and he gets the $10 million, and he is far and away the top money-earner and top tournament-winner on the tour this year, his season will still be looked at as an abject failure. He didn't win a major! Not ONE! And he needs those to catch Nicklaus or he will forever be the second-best golfer ever! Roger Federer is the greatest tennis player of all time because he won so many majors. Is the tennis really better in those tournaments? Are they really tougher to win? Does the Tennis Federation bring in lookalike cyborgs for first round matchups to make things more difficult? Or are they just regular, everyday tournaments whose highlights end up more often on Sportscentre?

With my new scoring system, I have to say that last year's Pittsburgh Penguins had an abject failure of a season. Sure, they may have had a 5-4 record agains the Red Wings, including their two regular season games, but against the Leafs they were 1-3, the Rangers 3-3, the Bruins 1-2, the Habs 2-2, and the Blackhawks 1-0. So they lost two, won two and tied two of the series they played against the Original Six. Hardly a banner year, they barely broke even in the majors.

Muffin survives the death panel

2009-08-28T02:29:00.004-04:00

My little dog, Muffin, has no health insurance. There is no universal coverage for dogs, so when her teeth began to fail her, there was a decision that had to be made. Do we spend an exorbitant amount of money to have those teeth pulled, or do we spend considerably less money to put her down? She is old - in dog years, I think she's about 112 or something. So we convened a death panel to determine whether she was still a useful member of canine society, and whether she was worth saving.

The panel was convened on our couch, and Muffin was invited to plead her own case. The debate began with an assessment of her finances. After some quick bookkeeping, we discovered that Muffin actually has no finances of her own, and by extent no means of paying for her own medical treatment. Upon further investigation, we found that since she is very old, and the maxim about teaching old dogs new tricks holds true in her case, she has very little earning potential. Were she to live for even two more years, she would have no means of making enough money to pay for her treatment. She seemed to understand that she was not pulling her weight in our society by making money, and she hung her head in shame. Then she licked herself.

I tried to explain to her that she had outlived her usefulness, and that as an elderly dog she was to be culled from the ranks of canines, a means of thinning the herd. She cocked her head at me, as though to say "isn't that what Hitler did?" I was surprised that she knew the works of Hitler, but then I realized that at the age of 112, she was likely far more familiar with the horrors of Nazism than was I. I did, however, explain that Hitler was a vegetarian and a great animal lover, and that although he would most certainly put her to death were she an old woman, she would have been just fine as an old dog in front of a Hitler death panel. It took me a while, but I convinced her that I was not Hitler. And therefore she was still in danger. She rubbed her face against the couch cushion.

I explained that it was not Hitler, but Sarah Palin who had given me the idea to convene this thumbs-up or thumbs-down death panel. Remembering the name of the woman who was responsible for the shooting of several of her canine cousins from a helicopter, Muffin hid her head under a pillow.

I explained to Muffin that in order to provide her with the necessary medical treatment, I would have to dip into my own savings, since she had no savings of her own. Basically, she has been unproductive her whole life, living off the teat of others, sucking the system dry like a dirty welfare recipient. She looked at me with a very glazed, confused and slightly frightened expression. That could be because she is old, and has cataracts. Or, she could have been wondering why I was clutching a barrel of home-made napalm and a copy of the anarchist's cookbook. And Glenn Beck's book. Just in case that was her concern, I explained that inside my own home, I was allowed to have whatever weapons I pleased and I could immerse whatever pets I choose in whatever substance I choose. As I understand the law of Canada. I was also naked. Not really for any reason except that in my own home, I am allowed to be naked. So why not? She seemed to think it was inappropriate attire for the chairman of her Death Panel, but I didn't care because it was legal. She barked.

In the end, we the Death Panel decided, by a four-to-one vote, that Muffin was, indeed, worth saving. Reason prevailed, and heartstrings were tugged, and appeals to emotion did not fall on deaf ears. Surprisingly, the one "nay" vote came from an unexpected source. As we compiled our entire savings into one giant lump sum, and delivered it to the Animal Hospital in seven unmarked duffel bags, Muffin was going under the gas. Just before passing out, she whined at us, a whine which I understood. I also understood the accusatory glare she shot in my direction. "I can't believe you paid for this", she was saying. "I would never have paid for this! You're a rotten socialist!"

Muffin is now fully recovered. She has fewer teeth, which means that her tongue now sticks out of her mouth funny and she looks like she's sneering almost all the time. I know that, in a small way, that sneer is reserved just for me and my Godless Socialist Ideals. My dog now hates me, not because she is missing teeth and has a shaved leg and has to take painkillers and antibiotics every day, but because I am a pinko commie. Had it been up to her, she would have done the right thing and lived up to her ideals. She would much rather be a dead capitalist than a toothless Communist. I am now ashamed when I look at her, knowing that her moral stance is much stronger and more glorious and laudable than my own. But at least I have my dog back.

Something cool.

2009-08-27T05:22:00.002-04:00

It isn't (well, not exactly) classic rock news, but for fans of the Stone Roses (and I'm a big one) here is some exciting news: On September 8th, Silvertone/Legacy will be re-issuing the classic album The Stone Roses in four different formats. The full content of each of the releases is impossible to re-type, so here's a link to everything you need to know.

Them Crooked Vultures doing more stuff

2009-08-27T04:54:00.003-04:00

I'm getting a little sick of posting these. Here's another one!

And there you have it. More Them Crooked Vultures video. Oh - one more.

OK. And there you have it. At least I like the tunes more than I do that new Skynyrd.

Inglourious Basterds. You must see it.

2009-08-26T04:56:00.003-04:00

Inglourious Basterds is in theatres now. I wrote a review on Cynical Cinema, but I realized that, as Doc says, I can't really divulge everything that happens in the movie for fear of ruining it. So instead, in my review, I have included a few tidbits of historic movie information that might, just a little bit, help you enjoy the movie more when you go. And you'd better go.

New Skynyrd video

2009-08-26T04:51:00.001-04:00

"Still Unbroken"

New Lynyrd Skynyrd video

2009-08-26T04:46:00.001-04:00

The first single off September 29th's Gods And Guns is "Still Unbroken". Check out the video:

OK Skynyrd. This is what it would look like if a tribute band wrote their own Skynyrd song. Oh wait...

New Cynical Cinema reviews, movies out Tuesday

2009-08-24T17:11:00.002-04:00

Polytechnique: A tragic, heartfelt movie about the 1989 Montreal massacre. Hard to watch though.

The 5 Deadly Venoms: One of the greatest classic kung-fu movies ever, on DVD for the first time.

Steppin: This one is awfully close to being, in my opinion, the least-watchable movie of all time.

The Best of the Crow Stairway to Heaven: One of the least-watchable TV shows of all time.

X-Men Origins - Wolverine: Pretty sad follow-up to a pretty decent series of films.

Tsotsi: One of the best foreign films of the past five years, an Oscar winner.

American Madness: A good, but forgotten, movie made by Frank Capra in 1932.

Crooklyn: A solid Spike Lee effort.

Life, Season One: One of my friends at work made me watch this. I liked it OK.

Slash joins ZZ Top on stage

2009-08-24T05:00:00.001-04:00

I've been sick all weekend and in bed. Nothing to say. So I'll just post this video I found of Slash joining ZZ Top on stage at the House of Blues.

Okay. That's it.

Another Them Crooked Vultures

2009-08-21T03:12:00.002-04:00

Another Them Crooked Vultures video has surfaced on youtube, this time from their second-ever live show in Amsterdam. It's a lot longer, this time!

And there it is.

I know I'm not the only freaked out person

2009-08-19T05:34:00.002-04:00

I know that others are as frightened and concerned about the nutjobs amassing at these health care town hall meetings in the States. Nazi symbols, constant comparisons between Obama and Hitler (because his health care policies are the one thing for which Hitler is best known), and people showing up with guns. And assault rifles. I don't think I need to go into detail about the lunacy of equating your right to bear arms and carry an assault rifle to the president's town hall meeting with the fight against health care for everyone. In fact, if anyone ever gets seriously hurt while protesting against universal health care, they should probably be left there just to see if they succumb to their injuries.

No need to go into detail about the misinformation being disseminated all over the media (well, Fox News, anyway) about Obama's health care plan. Death panels and socialized medicine and killing the elderly to pay for illegal immigrants and all that. Suffice it to say, that is equally bonkers. Not as bonkers as the secret service allowing people to hang on to their assault rifles outside the building where the president is speaking, but bonkers nonetheless. What I can't wrap my head around, however, is why. I understand some people are against universal health care, presumably because it would help poorer people live longer and that would be a tragedy. But what amazes me is the vitriol from some of those poorer people, the very people who absolutely need this program to succeed.

Like the one guy who showed up at a town hall in order to shout down the Democratic speaker who was trying to explain health care, then got into a fight outside and was taken to hospital. He's now online, trying to drum up donations from people to help pay his medical bills. Seriously. But even that doesn't perplex me that much. There are enough Glenn Becks and Dick Morrises and losers like them who can drum up rabid, mouth-frothing public support for even the most wrong-headed and idiotic "cause". It's the disinformation that I don't get. Why lie? Why make up death panels and all this other bs? If you're against the program, why not just say so, explain why, and say it will cost too much or whatever. Why invent the Obama's-gonna-kill-grandma thing?

I guess you could chalk the whole thing up to American politics - it's a bloodsport and all that. And lying about everything is the best way to make sure nothing ever gets done. But are the insurance companies really so powerful that they can get ordinary Americans to shout down elected leaders at town hall meetings over something they don't understand at all? Well, no - but they are so powerful that they can get unstable, already-on-the-edge racist gun toting Americans to do so. If the insurance companies have that much power, then it obviously is time to overhaul that system thoroughly. And fast.

One more thing - the thing that bugs me the most. Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck and all that pointing to Canada and the UK as examples of why "socialized" medicine doesn't work, and why it's awful. There was an ad featuring two women from the UK running for a while, where they complained about their health care system. Now both are totally miffed that their comments were taken out of context and put into an ad. You see, they really like their health care system. But us? Canada? I know, a lot of people are upset with the state of our health care system. And yes, Canada's system is broken, it is in need of a massive overhaul, and it could use improvement just about everywhere.

But if any of you out there think the American system is better, and you agree with the idea that Canada is a good example of why the U.S. should not adopt universal health care, think about this. Imagine, just for a moment, that rabid, nutty right-wingers ran away with the health care debate in our country. And imagine that, in the next federal election, Stephen Harper and the Conservatives ran on a platform of eliminating universal health care and privatizing the whole industry. Picture the results of that election and ask yourself if they would win even one seat.

A small vacation

2009-08-19T05:14:00.003-04:00

I went to Montreal with my wife on the weekend, to get away for a couple of days. Which was nice, but she wanted to go see a bunch of stuff. So I had to do things. That was OK too. Technically, I suppose, we were in Longueuil, which is a really nice area and has a fantastic atmosphere along St. Charles where all the restaurants are. I was too tired to keep my eyes open Friday night, but managed to keep my mouth open to pour beer into it, and that was good enough.

On Saturday we went to Parc Safari, which is about 40 minutes outside Montreal on the 132. It's a "safari" park, where you drive your car through the place and feed gnus and emus and ostriches and such. From your windows. Which sounded kinda cool, but it really wasn't. The traffic was nuts. The sign outside said the "tour" would last 70 minutes. 70 minutes in, we were still in the same traffic jam we were in when we started. Looking at a rhino and some elephants from behind fences. There were some zebras roaming around, but we were told not to feed them because they bite. We did anyway. We were bored. They didn't bite.

Eventually, things thinned out and we moved along really fast toward the end, hoping to just get the hell out of there. Being able to see zebras and elephants is neat, but when you're in a 90-minute traffic jam, you are probably bored with looking at the animals, who just stand there, pretty fast. More than anything though, I felt sad. Sad for these animals whose sole purpose is to stand there and interact with people as they drive through. Like Wal-Mart greeters with antlers. And the whole thing really is a big drive-through. You drive through, and instead of getting your feed at the window, you give out your food to the animals from the window. It's like a giant, slightly exotic, reverse McDonalds. And equating such incredible animals with McDonalds made me kind of depressed. I'd like to see them in the wild. Like on a real safari. And not through the window of my own car as they stagger up to the windows for some generic every-animal-can-eat-it food.

There was also a walking tour, which was slightly better. But it's still animals in cages, and I still felt bad for the chimps who had to sit in their pen and had the big wire fences preventing them from climbing the trees, or for the tigers who just lay there because there was nothing else to do. It's not like these animals are being rehabbed, and set free in the wild. They're there for the rest of their lives. Walking over glass tubes for glassy-eyed tourists like me. I felt creepy just being there.

Then we went to the Biodome - which is totally different, and totally great. It's set up like a rainforest, where the birds and monkeys and sloths live all together in one great big habitat, free to go wherever they like and flying around in the giant dome. Then there are the huge fish tanks and penguins and puffins and so forth. I would never go back to Parc Safari. But I would go to the Biodome again and again. That place is amazing.

Circle these dates

2009-08-19T05:01:00.002-04:00

October 5th, November 1st. Those are the dates that Brett Favre plays the Packers. I'm a huge Packers fan, but unlike many of my brethren in Packers Fan World, I remain a Favre apologist. I think if you're Brett Favre, you've earned the right to decide, on your own terms, when and where you will play. And I think that he will put the Vikings over the top. Then again, I also think that Green Bay has the better QB right now. But they don't have Adrian Peterson. So now I want to revise my earlier predictions. Minnesota will finish first in the NFC North, and the Packers will finish second. The Bears now have to play Favre and the Vikings twice, and they will lose both to finish third in the division. Say what you will about wishy-washy olf Brett, but he's still a legend, and does anyone think the Jets will win 9 games again without him? The NFL is better with that man playing in it.

New Cynical Cinema reviews

2009-08-18T17:08:00.002-04:00

All new releases

Rock, Paper, Scissors: The Way of the Tosser: An absolutely awful Canadian "mockumentary" about a guy who competes in Rock Paper Scissors competitions. It is not funny at all. I can't describe how bad it is.

Albert Schweitzer: Called to Africa: A truly bizarre docudrama biopic documentary re-enactment made for TV cheesy pile of rubble. Weird. It makes sense, but it's way too cheesy and silly to tell the story of such a great man.

Absurdistan: A fantastic, charming, wonderful film. Rent this one.

Angry Monk: Reflections on Tibet: The hit-and-miss documentary about a fascinating man, Gendun Choephel, who was a Buddhist monk that took on the government and religious culture in Tibet before going off to drink beer and have promiscuous sex. The most interesting man in the world?

Lying: With a cast of five of the hottest women out there (Chloe Sevigny, Leelee Sobieski et al), this should at least be slightly, moderately, titillating eye candy. But it isn't. It's just crushingly boring.

Fish Fall in Love: A pretty solid Iranian movie about two people in love who never say the right thing to each other. It's full of delicious looking Iranian food, and a lot of cooking. Makes me hungry.

Wolfhound: A totally ludicrous movie from Russia about swords and flexing and yelling one's own name. If it was made with a tongue in a cheek, it's acceptable, maybe even good. If it wasn't, it's absolutely dreadful. If you can giggle at crap, you can enjoy this movie.

The Eagles are now my Super Bowl pick.

2009-08-14T02:17:00.003-04:00

Say what you will about Michael Vick (and I know a lot of people have a lot to say), he is a guy who can make a very big difference. As a Packers fan, I was hoping Green Bay would sign him simply because I didn't want to see him coming to town in another uniform and playing against my team. It now looks like that's going to happen. The rumours were that Vick would be going to New England (where they have something of an established QB) and then that he might go to the Packers (where they have a really good young QB). The consensus was that he would have to go to a team with an established starter, and that he would come out of a wildcat-type offense on third-and-long playsand similar situations once he joined the team later in the year. (And yes, I'm aware of the irony of Michael Vick running the "wildcat" offense.)

Certainly, what he did is despicable. But he was going to get back into the NFL, and whatever team got him was going to get a boost. The spotless, almost-saintly in comparison Tony Dungy is acting as his mentor, and that alone is enough to convince teams to take a chance. And the Eagles have done so. They signed Vick to a two year contract yesterday, which to me makes them the Super Bowl favourites for the next two years. Vick will not be competing for Donovan McNabb's starting job. He will not even see the field until at least six or seven weeks into the season. But when he does, an already scary team will be infinitely scarier. Eagles fans are tough, and they are hardcore, but they are rabid enough about their team that they're not going to run Vick out of town on a rail. Remember, these are the Eagles who had serious problems with Terrell Owens - locker room unity and on-field altercations - and still made the Super Bowl that year. So here's how I see all the teams in the NFL this year:

1. Philadelphia Eagles: They already have what I believe will be the best defense in football this season. They have one of the elite QBs in the league, now with a contract extension. They have good and in some cases great offensive weapons. And they are traditionally a second-half team. Now they will be playing that second half with the ultimate football weapon.

2. New England Patriots: The fact that they went 11-5 and even came close to the playoffs last year without their all-time great QB shows how solid this team really is. Matt Cassell was not nearly as good as people thought he was, and Brady will make all the difference this season. They're not going to go undefeated, and they're getting pretty old, but they have one more serious shot at the Super Bowl, and this year is it.

3. Pittsburgh Steelers: I hate to put the defending Super Bowl champs as low as third, but they haven't done a lot to improve during the off season. In the NFL, you have to improve every single year. And how many teams go back-to-back? The Steelers are great, but they are not a dynasty team.

4. New York Giants: Second-best defense in football, and most of the pieces from that Super Bowl winning team. They could use Plaxico Burress though. Where is that guy? And a billion dollars for Eli Manning? Really? What were they thinking? Giants would be ranked higher if they didn't have to play the Eagles twice.

5. Indianapolis Colts: Still one of the scariest teams in football, they have all the right pieces in place to make a run again. Despite the money dished out by the Giants, Peyton Manning is still the most valuable Manning in football. Except for maybe Archie, if he was going to start running a stud farm.

6. Tennessee Titans: They had the best record in football last year, and were formidable on both sides of the ball. They will be slightly less formidable on defense this season because of several losses, which could be bigger than we think.

7. Arizona Cardinals: Yes, they are the defending NFC champs. And Larry Fitzgerald is still the best receiver in football and a freak. They will be better through the regular season than they were last year, thanks to a confidence boost in the unit, but they were playing over their heads throughout the playoffs last year. They will not go that deep again.

8. Carolina Panthers: They went 12-4 last year, but I'm not sold at all on Jake Delhomme. As he goes, so go the Panthers.

9. San Diego Chargers: Still one of the most talented teams in football, the Chargers have the easiest division to win in the entire league. They could conceivably go 7-9 and still take the division. They won't though, they'll go about 10-6 and win it comfortably.

10. Atlanta Falcons: The addition of Tony Gonzales could make them a real contender. Much depends on Matt Ryan and whether he really is as good as he looked in his rookie season.

11. Chicago Bears: Their defense is still solid, and Jay Cutler could be great for them, but they need some more offensive weapons to really contend for the conference title.

12. Green Bay Packers: With the Brett Favre saga behind them, Aaron Rodgers and the Pack can concentrate on playing football. And Rodgers is really good. We'll see that this season.

13. Baltimore Ravens: They have lost a lot on the defensive side of the ball, and Ray Lewis is getting pretty old. How good is Joe Flacco, really?

14. Houston Texans: Their defense will certainly be better than it was last year, and eventually this team will have to break through that .500 barrier. This could be that year.

15. Miami Dolphins: Their turnaround last year was unreal. But teams are now wise to the wildcat, others have the pieces to run it better, and Miami will have a comedown to about an 8-8 record, unless they come up with some other crazy gimmick, and quick.

16. New Orleans Saints: They are pretty old now. And they are still a little decrepit, and injuries could well play a big factor again. If they remain healthy, they could make a play for the division title. If not, they could go 4-12.

17. Washington Redskins: Albert Haynesworth is a terrific signing. But the Skins will be playing in the toughest division in football, and their chances of finishing at .500 again are about all they can hope for.

18. Dallas Cowboys: Yes, I am ranking them last in their own division. The Cowboys are a first-half team, Tony Romo is a first-half QB, and in the first half of the season Dallas will get blown up by the Giants and Eagles. That leaves them with little do do as the year winds down.

19. Minnesota Vikings: How much did that will-he-or-won't he offseason Favre saga affect the team? Players calling him, trying to convince him to come and take over from their own ineffective QBs? Well. They still have Adrian Peterson who is a horse.

20. Jacksonville Jaguars: Last season was not an abberration. It was a trend. But the Jaguars are not that bad, and they will rebound a little bit this year. Like, to 6-10, or 7-9.

21. Cincinnatti Bengals: This is one team that could really shoot up and be ranked higher quickly if the Bengals get it going on offense. Their defense scares nobody, but if Carson Palmer and that Ocho Cinco guy start clicking again, that alone can win them some games.

22. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: I don't think that last year they were nearly as good as their 9-7 record indicated. And I think that this year we will see them fall well out of playoff contention early in the season.

23. Buffalo Bills: The addition of Terrell Owens does not put this team over the top. They are still in a rather tough division. They will not make the playoffs. But they'll be fun to watch, at the very least. And T.O. will have a good season.

24. Seattle Seahawks: They could have a marginal turnaround from last season's 4-win record. Like, with a healthy Hasselbeck, they could win five or six.

25. New York Jets: Without Brett Favre, what does this team have? A decent defense and a dreadful offense. You can't win too many games with that.

26. San Francisco 49ers: They will get worse before they get better. Last year they went a surprising 7-9. They'll be good one day, but that isn't this season.

27. Oakland Raiders: They could actually be a lot better, record-wise, than they were last year, if only because they get to play such crappy teams so often.

28. Cleveland Browns: I have been thinking, for many years now, that Cleveland was on the verge of becoming good, or even great. But they are not. They will be dreadful again this season, and they don't even have Stallworth, who has been suspended for a year.

29. Kansas City Chiefs: They'll be better than last year. When they went 2-14. Look for the Chiefs, this year, to go a more convincing 2-14. Or maybe win up to 4 games.

30. St. Louis Rams: The Rams beat two pretty good teams last year, in back to back weeks. And beat nobody else, ever, during the entire season. The offense could rebound this season, but it probably won't.

31. Denver Broncos: Years of fading down the stretch and losing heart in week 9 will finally catch up. The Broncos will lose heart in Week one, this season.

32. Detroit Lions: It's hard not to pick a winless team as the worst in the league going into a season, but I think there is a good chance the Lions will not have the worst record in football this season. But they won't be the Dolphins or the Falcons.

And that's it. The Patriots, Steelers, Colts and Chargers will win their divisions in the AFC, where the wild card teams will be the Titans and the the Texans. Yes, the Texans. In the NFC, the Eagles, Bears, Panthers, and Cardinals will win their divisions, and the wild cards will be the Giants and the Falcons.

New song snippet from Them Crooked Vultures

2009-08-12T05:08:00.002-04:00

Them Crooked Vultures is John Paul Jones (Zeppelin), Dave Grohl (Foo Fighters, Nirvana), and Josh Homme (Queens of the Stone Age). Here is a clip of a song they're doing called "Nobody Loves Me and Neither Do I"

I know it's only 14 seconds long. You take what you can get.

AC/DC. Whoo! Rockin' rock and rollin' rock-rolls. Rock.

2009-08-12T03:06:00.002-04:00

For some reason, the guys got really angry with me yesterday when I suggested that Angus Young looks like an old man. "How dare you?" they seemed to say, as though I had somehow sullied all that was good and holy about rock and roll. You can't say that Angus Young looks old! I mean, he's only 54! And he has a lot of energy! Somehow, saying Keith Richards looks like he's 100 is OK. Saying Mick Jagger is ancient is OK. But Angus Young? Not him! So...what? It's more politically correct to say that he looks like a nine-year-old? Well, he does have that uniform...

OK. Anyway, Angus Young looks old. He's scraggly and haggard and sweaty and tiny. What I was trying to say is that the energy level from this seemingly old man is incredible. Like that bald guy with the glasses who dances all crazy in the Six Flags commercial. Oops. Better not say that guy looks old either. He couldn't be a day under 90. Here is a clip of Angus Young advertising a theme park:

The older you look, the more remarkable it is when you put a ton of energy into something, right? Which is what made the AC/DC show all the more impressive. The opening animation, with the girls and the devil horns and the train speeding across the tracks, was perfect. Just like AC/DC themselves, it was over the top, all out, and terrifically cheesy. When the screens split up to reveal the big train wreck, I was laughing quite heartily. As I was when the giant inflatable woman descended on the stage for "Whole Lotta Rosie" and the big bell came down from the ceiling for "Hell's Bells". Something very "Stonehenge" about the whole thing.

There's no denying it, AC/DC rocks harder and with less self-consciousness than any other band I have ever seen. Even Brian Johnson, who is considering retirement after this tour, looks like there is nowhere else he would rather be than right there on the stage. I'm not sure he has much voice left, but it was certainly covered well by the rest of the band, and the crowd singing along with just about every song. And he nailed the choruses, which was good enough. By the time Angus had his shirt off and went up in the air on that rising stage while confetti rained down upon the crowd, the noise of the people in Scotiabank Place actually drowned out the band during parts of the show. And the band is loud. My ears are still ringing today.

But that, for me, was the best part of the show. The crowd. I have never seen, even at the Stones at Lansdowne with more people, a crowd as into the show as the crowd was at AC/DC on Monday. This is Ottawa. We barely make a sound during Game Six of the Stanley Cup finals. We can sit on our hands during Springsteen. We're boring and lame and reserved and demure. But not on Monday. On Monday, we were loud and boisterous and we participated. It was incredible, and nice to see. This, despite the fact that Scotiabank really went out of their way to prevent people from getting beer.

I took Tom Pechloff, and left him with the guys to go get a couple of beers. Every bank machine but one in the entire building was out of order. Finally, after about 40 minutes, I found the one working machine, which would allow you to take out only 20 dollars. No more, no less. Which is enough for one beer, really. By the time I got back to our section and went to the beer line, they had cut off service. I had no beers at all. Not that it matters. I could hear the show outside on the concourse as well as I could inside. And with AC/DC, they're not a band where I have to see them play a certain song. Do I really care if I see "Highway to Hell" but not "Rock And Roll Train"? All their songs are the same, and they all kick ass. So does the band. Considering how old they look.

New Cynical Cinema reviews - movies out today

2009-08-11T06:37:00.002-04:00

St. Trinian's - A really entertaining movie about a school of bad girls (including the...attractive...Gemma Arterton) who steal a painting. It sounds awful, but it's really fun and has a great soundtrack.

17 Again - If you had the chance to go back to high school and "do it all over again", would you sleep with as many high school girls as possible, or would you try really hard to better that calculus mark of yours? Matthew Perry becomes Zac Efron, and does neither. This movie sucks.

Richard Pryor: Live And Smokin' - A 1971 stand-up routine from the greatest stand-up comic of all time, at a small club before he was famous. It just isn't very good at all. Like watching a youtube video of Muhammad Ali breaking even in a street fight when he was ten.

Razortooth - How can a movie about giant killer eels be a disappointment? Well, it can be Razortooth, which is neither campy enough to be entertaining, nor awful enough to be awesome.

Knowing - As the budget of a movie increases, Nicolas Cage's effectiveness as an actor decreases. It almost never fails. Knowing, however, does fail. Miserably.

A tribute to John Hughes

An Empress and the Warriors - I feel sad, and a little ashamed, that I'm getting really tired of the Hong Kong epic war-and-romance, swords-and-martial-arts, Shakespearean lavish costume dramas. They are all very impressive movies and they are all good. But I've seen them all now, and I'm afraid there is nowhere else for them to go.

Official trailer for Guitar Hero: Van Halen

2009-08-10T05:48:00.002-04:00

Here is the newly released trailer for Guitar Hero: Van Halen

It's no Beatles: Rock Band trailer, but it'll do.

And now...the craziest person alive, music video edition.

2009-08-06T10:07:00.002-04:00

I saw this last night. Thought I'd pass it along. Best music video ever? Best politician ever? Craziest woman alive? All these things are up for debate. The entertainment value of this clip is not.

Nancy Pelosi can't save the world! Someone has already done that!

Just thought of something.

2009-08-06T08:31:00.009-04:00

Why does this stupid thing force me to type down the edge of the page? Dumb blogger...anyway.

On the left, the still-mayor of Ottawa, Larry O'Brien. On the right, the Larry O'Brien trophy, given to the NBA champions each year. Notice a resemblance? I think it might behoove the teams on the cusp to come to Ottawa and rub the mayor's head before the season. Dwight Howard and Vince Carter and the Magic, I'm looking at you...LeBron James can just rub Shaq's head.

How painful. The O'Brien trial and my aching behind.

2009-08-06T03:25:00.004-04:00

I just happened to be at the courthouse and City Hall yesterday. I needed a health card - City Hall is amazing now, by the way! You can go into one room, get your health card renewed or (in my case) replaced, get a marriage license, renew your drivers' license, pay off your fines and apply for a passport (you can't get a passport, just apply). All in the same room, all at different desks, just take a number. I was there with my wife yesterday to get a few things done, and it was great - we had to get one document from the courthouse, and we waited for more than an hour before someone saw us. Then we had five different errands to run at City Hall, and it took us half an hour, total. Almost no waiting at all. Maybe the city IS running efficiently in Mayor O'Brien's absence...

Speaking of Mayor O'Brien, since I just happened to be at the courthouse, around 10:00, I thought I would pop into the courtroom where the decision was scheduled to come down in his influence peddling trial. The courtroom was full, so I was ushered, along with about fifty others, into an overflow room. There, I was wedged in between a nice lady who is a friend of the O'Brien family, and councillor Rob Jellett. We sat there as the judge took the stage at 10:00 to give his decision. That isn't a typo. He really did take the stage.

I had figured this all out with Tom Pechloff in our newsroom before I left. He was going to be ready to go with Breaking News - to cut into the music with the story the second I called him with the verdict. Tom's shift ends at 10:30, but we both figured that at the latest, the verdict would come out at about 10:10 or 10:15, so he'd be able to put the Breaking News piece in before he left for the day. All I had to do was sit in the courtroom and watch, then rush out to a payphone and call Tom. And all I really had to say was "not guilty" or "guilty". Had there been more people in the building, I would have been able to go live myself right after the verdict, but half the building is on vacation and there was no one there to do that with me.

The judge began his speech with a brief statement about how this trial was not a credibility contest between Larry O'Brien and Terry Kilrea. He then went on, for an hour, to discuss the credibility of Larry O'Brien and Terry Kilrea. O'Brien appeared to be winning, in the judge's mind, the contest that was not a contest over credibility, and after five minutes I knew the final verdict would be "not guilty". But it went on for another hour! The judge seemed to be determined to read, line for line, the entire trial transcript. He would read, word for word, every email ecxhange between O'Brien and Kilrea, or Kilrea and John Baird. Then he would go over the telephone conversations, to the best of the recollections of the people involved, from both of their perspectives. Then, he would explain how the prosecution handled that particular email or phone call, and how the defense saw that particular email or phone call, and finally say what he thought, and move on to more emails and more phone calls.

I thought the whole thing was over about 45 minutes in, when he got to the end of all this communication that he was reading verbatim. But then he mentioned all the tangential witnesses, and started to read, verbatim, their testimonies as well. We already knew he was going to acquit O'Brien, just get on with it! My ass was hurting, there were people sweating on me, and my brain was totally numb. I took a breather to go outside and call Tom. Just to see if he was still there. After all, his shift had been over for some time. He was though, sticking around for the verdict and the news. About fifteen minutes later, it finally came. I had given up on waiting inside the spillover courtroom and watching on TV. This judge was boring me to death, and if I stood outside the courtroom I could drink a coffee.

There was a sense of relief, I think, more than anything else. There was not much of a cheer, but rather a sigh that seemed to emanate from the few courtrooms on the third floor of Elgin street. I think that, had the judge given his ruling right away, the courtroom might have erupted in a more satisfactory way. I think one of two things may have happened. Either the droning and repetition of the judge of facts everyone already knew actually lulled people to sleep, or robbed them of the will to celebrate or indeed the will to live. Or, the celebration and sigh of relief was not coming from O'Brien haters, or O'Brien supporters, but rather from people incredibly grateful that this man had stopped talking.

It was the people in the courtroom that were most interesting, however. A man wedged himself between me and councillor Jellett, then turned to me and started talking about a long and detailed and ramblingly insane left-wing conspiracy to "get" Larry O'Brien. Which sort of reflected the left-wing conspiracy that Kilrea seemed to think existed to "get" him. I didn't understand, but fortunately the judge started speaking while this guy was still talking, so I never had to respond with "wtf?" Then there was the pudgy, irate woman in the wheelchair, who was told that there was no room in the main courtroom and that she, along with me and several others, would have to go to an overflow room with a TV screen. This was fine with her, because there were some people in the main courtroom who were out to get her. She made sure she let them know, however, flipping someone I couldn't see a very vehement middle finger before she turned around and furiously wheeled out.

But of course, it all came down to Larry O'Brien and Terry Kilrea. And the credibility contest which did but didn't exist. And it all came down to Kilrea's believability - oh wait. Maybe it was a believability contest. That's totally different. The judge felt that Kilrea was less than credible - or, believable, if you will. He made several references to Kilrea's sense of self-importance, his desire to get his name in the paper and his propensity for inflating claims. In the end, though, it came down to this - both men were likely telling the truth (this is me speaking, not the judge now). O'Brien really didn't offer a parole board appointment to Kilrea. And Kilrea really did think that he had. But O'Brien, walking a fine line (the judges' words again) with criminality, certainly went out of his way to make Kilrea think that a parole board appointment was in the cards thanks to some non-existent influence he had.

So I guess implying something you can't deliver to get someone to drop out of the mayor's race is just politics, but had O'Brien really had that clout, and had actually made it happen, then it would have indeed been criminal. However, had he actually made it happen, Kilrea would never have complained about it, and no one would ever have been the wiser, right? The judge did say that if implying things like this was illegal, we would have to build bigger jails. It seems to me that if we knew about everything that goes on behind closed doors in Ottawa, we would be overrun in prisons. This can't be that unusual. Whatever happened with that Cadman thing, anyway? My ass hurts. I feel like I've been in prison.

Three more Cynical Cinema reviews

2009-08-04T08:59:00.003-04:00

Some stuff in theatres now...

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - A terrific movie, and the second-best in the series after Prisoner of Azkaban.

The Hurt Locker - Really interesting non-political Iraq war movie about a team of bomb-disarming techs who have the world's most dangerous job.

The Hangover - Still in theatres, still hilarious. One of the funniest movies I have seen since Borat.

Tiger Woods farts

2009-08-04T05:38:00.002-04:00

Tiger Woods appeared to let one rip while preparing for a shot at the Buick over the weekend, before going on to win the tournament. Now, it could have been someone else - his caddy, or a spectator with a fart machine. But it sure looks like it was Tiger. Who cares- it's funny. Well, it's a little bit funny.

So that's that, right? Tiger Woods may or may not have farted, it's a little bit funny if he did, he laughed about it later, and then he went out and did what he does - won the Buick. But no. Apparently not. The PGA is trying (no joke) to suppress the video. Which is why I have put it up on my blog, at least until it gets taken down. They even released a statement - it was NOT Tiger Woods who broke wind, blah blah blah. Really, PGA? You're worried about this? Tiger is such a flawless superstar that the world can't be allowed to think that he might occasionally fart? This is like Nike, who suppressed a video of LeBron James getting dunked on by a high school kid during one of his camps. Who cares? Trying to suppress this video just makes it a bigger deal and a bigger story, doesn't it? Holding it back and taking it down is just going to make it come out louder and longer and more embarrassing. Kind of like...holding in a fart...

While I'm on this subject, a quick endorsement of this product called Just A Drop. You put one drop of this weird blue liquid into the toilet before doing your business. Then you let fly. And the smell is contained, and instead of smelling like a disaster zone, your bathroom ends up smelling like cleaning products. I have been using it for some time, and even after a night of drinking it works like a charm. Although then I put in Just A Bottle to make sure. Great stuff!

New Cynical Cinema today

2009-08-04T05:15:00.002-04:00

All new releases today

Novocaine / Dr. T and the Women double feature - Two half-assed dark "comedies" that sometimes work, and sometimes don't. There is some Farrah Fawcett nakedness in Dr. T, and some Helena Bonham Carter craziness in Novocaine, but...so what. Laura Dern is in both. Is that why they're packaged together?

Race To Witch Mountain - Could have been so much more. Then again, it stars The Rock. Also stars Annasophia Robb and Alexander Ludwig, both of whom are good.

Halloween H2O / Halloween Resurrection double feature - I get why these two are packaged together. However, H2O is a surprisingly not-sucky movie, while Resurrection is one of the worst horror movies of all time. At least Tyra Banks gets sliced up good, even if we don't get to see it.

Kill Bill Vol. 1 / Kill Bill Vol. 2 double feature - Two of my favourite movies of the past ten years packaged together on a bargain single disc. Beautiful.

Awesome.

2009-07-31T05:50:00.003-04:00

I know, this should really go on the Cynical Cinema webpage. But I don't know how to embed a video there and it's a real pain in the ass to edit. So I'm putting it up here: The trailer for Ninja Assassin, which looks amazing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4pEKQ_zUBo

I can't wait! (OK, I can't embed it here either. Here is a link.)