Thursday, November 19, 2009

Man up, Stephen Harper!

It occurred to me, watching FOX "News" as I tend to do for a laugh, that the right-wing nutters are right. Barack Obama bowed to the Japanese emperor. He bowed! Like, in submission! He may as well have begged the man for the opportunity to lick his toes and fetch his newspaper! That is not the American way. A real American does not greet foreign heads of state in the manner to which they are accustomed! Had John Wayne met the Japanese emperor, he would have shaken the man's had hard enough to crush most of his small bones. Clint Eastwood would have punched him square in the belly. George W. Bush would have held hands with the man, or given him a creepy back rub. What's the matter with the President?

Then something else crossed my mind - here is a golden opportunity for Stephen Harper! If the American President is going to be the sycophant of the world, why can't Canada become the tough guy? Stephen Harper is doing a decent job already - check out the photo of him in India - he's wearing the traditional head garb, but his smarmy look says "I think I look stupid". That's a good start. But perhaps, before he leaves, he could say goodbye to Pratibha Patil with a traditional Canadian head-butt. Next time he's in China - purple nurple! In France - wedgie! In Italy - noogie! (Who wouldn't want to give that loveable Berlusconi a noogie?) And the next time he meets that spineless supplicant weakling Obama, he should kick him square in the nuts. Goodness knows, Obama would just take it, being the lily-livered yellow-belly he so obviously is!

And, as I understand the logic, this would solve all of our problems. Canada would become the Toughest Country In The World. All other countries would see us as The Godfather, and they would pay us tribute, thus eliminating our national debt. The Taliban, seeing how tough we were (after all, our whole country kicked the entire United States in the nuts!), would pack up their weapons and admit defeat in Afghanistan, thereby solving our war problems. Stephen Harper, it's time to man up! You'd be stupid not to do this!

2 comments:

  1. Ha, you should send this to Harper. Wondering what would he think about it. Canada as the toughest country in the world - an interesting idea. Anyway, nicely and entertainingly(in a good way, no irony) written.

    Best regards,
    Lorne

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  2. I don't know, he already looks pretty tough to me:
    smackstephenharper.com

    Could that possibly be headbutt training?

    STRONGEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD! RaaAARRRR!!

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