Monday, October 5, 2009

New Cynical Cinema this week

It's quite the pot-pourri this week - TV series, movies, made-for-TV movies, awful kids' stuff, great kids' stuff, and workout videos. Lots of workout videos. Yes, I review everything they send me.


All new DVD releases this week

Audition - On Blu-Ray this week. One of the creepiest, most unsettling horror movies in the world. From Japan in 1999.

Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Power Squad Bod Hard Body Boot Camp - It's a mouthful, isn't it? Hard bodies indeed - the ultimate workout video for guys.

Visioneers - One of those bleak Big Brother-future stype movies in the style of Brazil. It's good and it's funny and it stars Zach Galifianakis.

Degrassi Goes Hollywood - Apparently, Hollywood corrupts people and it goes to their head and then they flash the paparazzi with no underwear just to stay on top. How boring.

My Fair Lady - One of the all-time classics, it's still a terrific movie but it just doesn't carry the same impact 45 years later. The songs are weak and the relationship implausible.

The Hills Season Five Part One - This is the worst show in the history of television, and it stars the worst people in the history of the world. Or, at least, television.

Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Power Squad Bod Calorie Blasting Dance - Not exactly a high-impact workout. But some nice eye candy, the cheerleaders actually talk, and they all have those sexy southern Dallas accents.

Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Power Squad Bod Body Slimming Yoga - I did the yoga, but I don't look like a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader. Yet. This one is good for watching from the couch with a beer, but not so much for participating.

Taxi the Fourth Season - One of the classics. At its best in season four.

CSI Miami Season Seven - What a tease - it pretends David Caruso is dead for the first episode. Which makes me realize how good this show COULD be. Instead, it's the second-worst show on television. Next to The Hills.

Medium Fifth Season - If Joe and Allison can stop whining and complaining and getting jealous and depressed and crappy, this show can get back to being excellent.

Ni Hao, Kai-Lan: Kai-Lan's Carnival - Kai-Lan goes to a carnival, hangs out with a koala and learns a valuable life lesson. Kai-Lan might be a little girl. Or a bug.

Ni Hao, Kai-Lan: Celebrate With Kai-Lan - Kai-Lan celebrates Chinese New Year, hangs out with a koala and learns a valuable life lesson. She says she speaks Chinese. Which is news to me. I have heard of Mandarin and Cantonese and so forth...but never the language "Chinese".

The Backyardigans: Big Backyard Adventures - A 3-DVD box set of the biggest and best Backyardigans adventures, including Robot Repairman.

The Backyardigans - Robot Repairman - If the Maytag Repairman was a hippo, and starred in I, Robot, you would get this. OK, maybe not quite.

New DVD releases last week

Monsters Vs Aliens - A lot of fun, and best for nerdish fans of B-movies. Oh, and kids. Also good for kids.

Away We Go - One of the best romantic comedies I have seen in a long time. John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph are hilarious.

Capitalism: A Love Story - Michael Moore's best film.

Management - Jennifer Aniston actually did something - interesting! How novel.

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