Thursday, September 17, 2009

Shocked and apalled. Appalled? Appealed?

Funny article of the day today...students (teenage students) are smoking...illegal smokes! How old do you have to be to smoke? 19? I think...but there was still someone, somewhere, who paid for a study on cigarette butts picked up around high schools. Which then discovered that most of those butts came from illegal cigarettes. Which, according to the article, can contain human fecal matter, insect eggs and other gross stuff. Which might make them considerably healthier than a regular smoke. Now, the big question is, how do we stop this? How can we convince teenagers to purchase $10-a-pack, government-taxed cigarettes instead of illegal, $1-a-pack smokes? A campaign must be started...

This study was done at eleven area high schools by the National Coalition Against Contraband Tobacco. Or, NCACT, to friends. The spokesperson for this Coalition is one Gary Grant (no relation, I am assuming, to Cary Grant, who was a little cooler). The big problem, he says, is that children are smoking cigarettes that have been purchased from criminals. Perhaps, had he left off the "that have been purchased from criminals" part, that statement could carry more weight. But this is a sad Cath-22 situation, isn't it? Even if these children went to their local corner store and bought properly taxed, government approved cigarettes from the guy behind the counter, they are still underaged. Which would make the guy behind the counter responsible. Which would make him a criminal. Which would mean that the children were purchasing their smokes from a criminal. What to do!

Well, it appears the only logical thing to do to stop all this is to lower the smoking age to nine years old. And to include packs of legal, government-approved cigarettes in packs of Pokemon cards and Teen Jonas magazines. That way, the kids will get hooked on the proper smokes at an early age, and develop brand loyalty for life. Problem solved. Also, this could avert the need for costly studies like this one in the future.

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