Tuesday, September 15, 2009

New Cynical Cinema

Lotsa stuff for the kids this week...or the mushroom crowd...whatever.

Nickelodeon's Animal Friends! - Why the exclamation mark? No idea. Kids love exclamation marks, I guess, and they are therefore more likely to ask for this DVD. Or something.

Dora Saves the Crystal Kingdom - That's Dora the Explorer, just so you know. And this DVD has nothing to do with Indiana Jones. Which is a little disappointing.

Diego's Mega Missions - A Three-disc box set of that kid Diego, who used to hang out with Dora until he felt she was cramping his style, and now he hangs out with a baby jaguar and his sister and wears one white glove like Michael Jackson.

Diego's Arctic Rescue - Why bother with this DVD? It's a part of the Mega-Missions box set, and isn't thrice the Diego better?

Bonanza, Season One Volumes One and Two - Hoss, Little Joe, et al get it all started. Whoop.

One Step Beyond First Season - 1959 TV show that is delightfully cheesy and dated. "True" stories of the paranormal. Love it.

The Modern Con Man Collection - This lame dweeb naed Todd Robbins does some lame dweebish tricks and scams over three DVDs.

VeggieTales: Minnesota Cuke and the Search For Noah's Umbrella - This actually is Noah, like the biblical Noah. And his umbrella. A little preachy. I'm sick of God.

Crank 2: High Voltage - A pretty lame follow-up to a fun movie. Get it? The horse has a big unit...ugh.

Crank - A review I added for context. This one is much better.

Old Jews Telling Jokes - Just a bunch of old men and women telling familiar jokes in front of a white screen. It's strangely compelling.

Full Battle Rattle - An amazing documentary about a fake Iraqi village created to train American soldiers. It's like a mockumentary. But real. And freaky.

Backwoods - One of those movies where people go into the woods for a corporate paintball retreat and are beset by hicks froma religious cult of militia-type survivalists who run a meth lab. It IS as bad as it sounds.

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