Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Please. Stop it.

Two things I would like people to no longer do...

First - stop cornering me at events and giving me a list of all the bands you like and telling me to play them on the radio. First, I have little to no control over the music that gets played. And while I may well enjoy the musical stylings of Captain Beefheart, I am fully aware that 99% of the people in the world would recoil in horror upon hearing Neon Meate Dream of A Octafish on the radio. Here is what you can do instead - in fact, by doing this, you actually have more control over the music than I do - click here:


OK. Now you can tell us what you think of the music we play, and whether you would like different music to be played. These surveys are actually kept, and there are a cadre of people (or maybe it's just Steve, I don't really know, but it's someone) who actually read these and pay attention. You don't have to be a CHEZ nation member (but if you are there is a bonus code at the end of the survey for you). Help us out!

And the second thing - please, everyone who forwards a ton of emails to everyone on your list - send me a funny video, or a joke, or a picture of cats in a basket, or naked pictures of a contortionist, whatever. Chances are, I will open the email, glance at it quickly, and delete it anyway. But please stop forwarding me those stupid, painful, idiotic emails about soldiers. Please. Every single one of them sucks. These emails are all the same. It's some "heartwarming" story about the Budweiser truck delivery guy putting some not-patriotic-enough guy in his place, or some Tim Hortons employee getting off a zinger at a person wearing a burka. First of all, these emails are, for the most part, ADS for companies that are considered "uber-American" or "uber-Canadian". Tim Hortons! Pepsi! Jean Coutu! Snap-On Tools! Ugh.

Next, they are all badly written. If Bill O'Reilly wrote in to Readers Digest, this is the staggering drivel that would spew out. Third - they all end with something that misses the point entirely. Like, "if you love your chicken fried beef, thank a soldier". Basically saying that your right to protest against the war, for example, exists only because soldiers exist. Except that the emails, without fail, suggest that anyone who protests against the war is the antithesis of a patriot, and the worst kind of person ever. And thereby they make the connection between being against war and against soldiers. NO ONE, you jackasses, ANYWHERE, is against soldiers. There are like eleven people in Canada who are against soldiers. But being against the war is not the same thing, and it's buying into the uber-patriot, truth-distorting kool-aid crowd to equate the two.

And lastly, and most importantly, these emails are racist. Without exception. It's always a brown person who "roots for the terrorists" who gets his comeuppance, whether it be from a Tim Hortons customer or a six-year-old girl. Or, a brown person who complains about Canada or the U.S. being in the war. It's never an 90-year-old World War II veteran who believes the war in Iraq is unjust and terrible who gets told. It's an evil brown person.

So. Please. Stop it.


  1. First of all, I for one would love to hear Neon Meate Dream Of A Octafish on the radio.
    More importantly, this seems as good a place as anywhere to ask: what's up with Chez and "Welcome To The Machine". They play that song constantly. Now, I love the Floyd just as much as the next person, but seriously, why play *that* track so much? I don't get it.