Thursday, January 1, 2009

Oh, thank God! Global warming must be over!

Every year at this time, there are dozens of lists. The Five Best Movies Of 2008. The Thirty Worst Politicians Of 2008. The Two Most Interesting New Species Of Spider Discovered In 2008. And so forth. And every year, Environment Canada gets in on the act. Last year, their Number One Weather Story Of The Year was the record-level disappearance of the arctic ice up north. Which made good sense. That's kind of important. This year, the continuing record disappearance of the arctic ice slipped a notch, to #2. It's not as big a story now, you see. (We've all been warned about Global Warming already, we've all heard about it in the news, so now we can all ignore it again. Besides, we get so tired of hearing that we have to do something. Let's talk about gas prices.)

This year, the record-level melting of our ice simply could not compete, as the #1 weather story in Canada, with the...duh duh duh...damp and humid summer! It was a soggy, wet summer for Eastern Canada! What a story! It rained - more than usual! There were few summer days in Ottawa, Toronto, Montreal, and less important cities, where there was no precipitation. The Maritimes felt it too! There were days where people didn't even go to the beach! Yes. Fifty years from now, that is what we will remember. The humidity in the summer.

I can't wait. 50 years from now, when global warming has created environmental refugees all over the world, and I am boarding several evacuated families from Bangladesh and Thailand and Indonesia in my basement, I can regale them with tales of the humid summer of 2008! I will, by that time, be a rather old man, and people will expect me to tell long winded stories about nothing. I will sit little Sajith, the Sri Lankan refugee living in my attic, down on my knee, and I will say "oh boy, Sajith! Thank your lucky stars you live here in Canada now! You should have seen the summer of '08! You wouldn't believe it Sajith. It was so humid! There were only about nine days where we could comfortably picnic. Oh, Sajith! You are so lucky to be here now!"

1 comment:

  1. Hey Eric, how we supposed to use today's bonus code when the site's down for maintenance