Thursday, December 4, 2008

Sean Avery.

OK. Sean Avery does deserve to be suspended by the NHL. In point of fact, he would have been suspended by the Dallas Stars one way or another, and the NHL merely beat him to the punch. Speaking of beating to the punch, I wish someone would beat Sean Avery with punches. For those of you who are unaware of the current controversy, here is a clip of the statements that got him suspended:

Of course, we hockey fans already know that Avery is a jackass. There is nothing terribly new about this. However, it is the method in which this was done that is the problem. It's one thing to say this stuff to another player on the ice. You want to get under his skin, you want to throw him off his game, fine. But saying it in the media is different. And calling the media over to you, so you can say this garbage on purpose to create a sound bite, is disgusting. Yes, he deserves to be suspended. And he is likely done with the Dallas Stars. And I really don't see any other team in the NHL picking him up, as he is loathed in his own dressing room everywhere he goes, and loathed by every other player in the league. What team would welcome this douche with open arms? I'm hoping none.

But it took an American newscaster, Keith Olberman, to raise a conspiracy theory that I like. On Olberman's MSNBC Countdown program last night, Avery made his nightly list of Worst Persons In The World. (Avery, sadly, was not The Worst - Sean Hannity had done some Sean Hannity stuff, and would not be denied the top spot.) But Olberman spoke of a rumour that seems as though it has some merit. Dion Phaneuf, you see, is dating Avery's ex, the ridiculously hot Elisha Cuthbert. And Dion Phanuef, you see, is an actual tough guy, and not a mouthy weasel pretend-tough guy.

So the conspiracy theory goes like this - Phaneuf was going to kick the crap out of Avery on the ice anyway, and so Avery made these comments on purpose. He was trying to get suspended for the Calgary game, so he wouldn't have to face Phaneuf on the ice. I hope this really was the case. And, at the same time, I now regret that the suspension couldn't have waited at least one more day. Because I would have liked to have seen Avery beaten with punches.


  1. It would have been poetry in motion to see Dion Phanuef put the boots to Sean Avery. He's done like toast in the NHL.

  2. I don't know if you saw this but Sean Avery has apologized. It wasn't through the Dallas Stars, but via the website. These "apologies" are a dime a dozen, the player's agent realizes he has to do something to save his money maker. It won't Sean and it shouldn't as it should be seen as what it is, an attempt to get a lighter sentence by the NHL.

  3. Hopefully from this point forward, every woman in Sean Avery's sights tells him to f*** off. What Avery said is extremely hurtful and downright insulting to all women everywhere.