Thursday, December 18, 2008

My resume. Senate seat, here I come!

OK, I can't quite paste my resume, as I wrote it, into this blog area here. For some reason it keeps screwing with the fonts, and moving things right and left. But here is, basically, (in a more uglied-up form) the resume I sent in on Tuesday in my attempt to suck up to the Conservatives and get myself a Senate seat. I will put my cover letter up later, once I am sure they have received it. I don't want to let the cat out of the bag too early...anyway, here is my resume, doctored to appeal to the Conservative party (but still entirely truthful).


Eric The Intern
2001 Thurston Drive
Ottawa, ON, K1G 6C9
(613) 750-1061

Education
Glebe Collegiate Institute (1991-1996): Graduated Summa Cum Laude with a 96.9 OAC average.
University of Ottawa (1996-1998): Three years of double major in Physics-Mathematics program.
Algonquin College (1999-2001): Received diploma in Radio Broadcasting program.


Work Experience
Bluenose II Preservation Trust (June - September, 1997): In the summer of 1997, I traveled across Canada with the Bluenose II, promoting national unity and raising awareness of a Canadian icon. I learned how to spend government money, including per-diems, over the course of a program that became embroiled, in a big way, in the Liberal sponsorship scandal. Since then, I have hated Liberals.
CHEZ 106 Doc & Woody Show (current employment): With the Doc and Woody Show at the classic rock radio station, CHEZ 106, I have long been a voice for Conservative ideals in the city that is heart of our country’s government, Ottawa. Some examples:
Pro-Bush Rally. At a local adult establishment, I attempted to balance the playing field against the voices of the left-wingers who were holding anti-Bush rallies when the President of the United States was in town. I recruited like-minded models who were also in favour of Bush, and I remain a fan of Bush to this day.
Butt Painting, Creamed Corn Leaping, Diaper Dancing, Stephen Harper Impersonation. Among other things, with the Doc and Woody show, I have been something of a performance artist. I have been, and remain to this day, the world’s foremost butt-painter, with a gallery showing here in Ottawa at the Parkdale Art Gallery. In my time as a performance artist, I have never been able to obtain a government grant. And yet, I have been able to perform my art nonetheless. Therefore I agree with the Conservative idea of never, ever funding the arts. And in my impersonation of Stephen Harper, available for viewing on youtube, I indicated my support for his election platform by calling Stephane Dion names.


References:
Available upon request.

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