Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The Great Turkey Bowl of 2008.

Many years ago, in deep dark Orleans, a tradition was started by a man named Steve Dalrymple and his cronies. A football tradition, one that required many young men and women to congregate at Ecole Des Voyageurs in Orleans on Thanksgiving Monday, shake off their turkey hangovers, fight through their real hangovers, and engage in an epic contest of football. This traditional football game has become more and more heated over the years, and it is now in contention for the record for "most brutal, bloody, dirty, vicious, barbarous and brutish games of two-hand touch" on Earth. This year was no exception, as a hotly contested match came down to some controversial plays and some questionable self-officiating before the final outcome was decided.

The game started off poorly for Team B, as Eric The Intern took the helm at quarterback and promptly threw an interception that was returned for a touchdown by Derek Mears of Team A. The Team B game plan was adjusted accordingly, as it became quickly apparent that Mr. Mears was the only guy on the entire field who was actually fast. Future efforts from Team B were made to kick the ball away from Mr. Mears, much as CFL teams in the 90s made sure to kick it away from the Gizmo. At the half, Team A was ahead, 24-18, on the strength of some solid quarterbacking from Ryan Falls and Marc Bois, and some clutch receptions from Mears. Team B regouped on the sidelines with a much deserved smoke break, and came out for the second half with a different attitude.

Two early touchdown grabs in the second half by James Fraser, including one where he wrested the ball forcibly from the hands of his own team-mate, put Team B up 30-24. A sack of quarterback Marc Bois put Team A further in the hole, and a foolish decision to go for it on fourth down left Team B with great field position. A quick touchdown pass to Eric Russo gave Team B a lead it would not relinquish, and the game was sealed with an 80-yard bomb in the final moments. Final score, Team B, 42, Team A 24.

The MVP votes were tallied, as the losing team voted for game MVP and the winning team voted on the losing team's MVP. Derek Mears, with two touchdowns and some great kickoff returns, won the award for Team A, and went home with the Mr. T fake gold chain that is the traditional prize. Player, team captain, organizer and league commissioner Steve Dalrymple presented the game MVP trophy, the traditional plastic-chicken-glued-into-a-gravy-boat, to Eric The Intern of Team B, who despite the early interception managed to buckle down and throw two long TD passes, make some key receptions, and record a knockdown and a sack in the second half, all while being the slowest, most out of shape player on the field.

This morning, we all return to work, eagerly awaiting Turkey Bowl 2009, and nursing our sore muscles, our bruises, and our dirty knees and elbows. As the most out-of-shape player on the field, I figure it is likely I will be the most sore today, a feeling that came to me very early this morning, when I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. No matter where I lay, it was either on a bruise or a muscle that was no longer working the way it was supposed to work. I plan to be healthy within one year's time, back at next year's Turkey Bowl, where it will likely be much more difficult to defend my MVP chicken-in-a-gravy-boat trophy. And I don't want to give that up!


  1. This comment is for Doc and Woody. I can attest to eric's prowess on the foot ball field to be genuine. As I had the fortune of paying on his side, I saw first hand that this happy go lucky intern is a capable passer, receiver and rusher. he did the team proud. His 80 yard TD bomb to me to close out the game was a thing of beauty

  2. Thanks man! Frankly, Sabby here had a better game than just about anyone, and was the only fast player on our side. We needed at least one! Go Team B!