Thursday, September 11, 2008

Wait...Tyra Banks has an Emmy? Is that like O'Reilly's Peabody? (And by that I mean fictitious?)

They just give those things to anyone, don't they? I know that Tyra Banks has an Emmy because on her show, the debut show of the new season of Tyra Banks, the trophy had it's own seat in the middle of the stage. There it was, all polished and gleaming, a shining beacon to the greatness that is Tyra Banks. The only thing in the world that is more of a beacon to the greatness that is Tyra Banks is Tyra Banks. How can you win an Emmy when you do the easiest show in the entire world? And make no mistake about it, Tyra Banks not only has the easiest show in the entire world, she also has the easiest job in the entire world. She shows up at work, talks about herself for forty-five minutes, and goes home. Easy! The first episode of this brand new season, she promised her studio audience that today they were going to talk about something that she was going to be talking about a subject she knew everyone was dying to hear about...Tyra Banks! Today, my girlfriend went into work late. So I had to watch a small portion of the show. Again. She was interviewing, from what I could tell, a panel of women who were on the show because they think Tyra Banks is super! Easiest job in the world.

Bill O'Reilly, on the other hand, has one of the most difficult jobs in the world. Spouting right-wing, Republican talking points without making the bias obvious to the people of lesser intelligence who watch him. That must be tough! Although he makes it look easy - all he has to do is say words like "fair and balanced", and attack other networks that aren't FOX as being liberal-biased media. Which means that everything even slightly to the left of FOX is biased media, leaving FOX as the only network that is truly Fair And Balanced. It's genius, but it must be tough to pull off day after day.

My dilemma today, however, as I watch my PVR'd O'Reilly to escape from the Tyra Banks show, is trying to figure out which of them is more self-involved. Some reporter from a tiny newspaper in a tiny town somewhere in Middle America makes the point that O'Reilly is saying that Sarah Palin's pregnant daughter in no way reflects on Palin herself, whereas a year ago he went off on Jamie-Lynn Spears' mother, blaming her specifically for her teenage daughter's pregnancy and calling her a "pinhead". And O'Reilly sends one of his slavering minions over to that reporter's house to harass and harangue her. Today, he is running the final installment of his interview with Barack Obama. And the poll on his website is "how did I do in my interview with Obama? Grade ME from A to F". In the middle of the biggest election race in American history, you interview the most historic candidate for the presidency in American history, and your poll question is about YOU? Ah, Bill O'Reilly, you make me laugh. And Tyra Banks makes me cry. And both of them create such a horrible reaction in me that I can't get them out of my head, like a terribly irritating and catchy Journey song. And I end up writing about them in this blog. And that, most of all, is why I dislike them both so much.

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