Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Things on TV that make me smile.

And I mean things other than that smug sense of self-satisfaction that creeps across Bill O'Reilly's face when he finds a way to use the word "perspicacity" in a sentence. His latest word from the back of Readers' Digest appears to be "bloviate". And once he uses it once, he craves the opportunity to sound smart and smug again. So he will use it several times in a sentence, in different contexts and with different suffixes. "Now, I'm not speaking out against bloviating. I'm the king of bloviation. But Obama is a bloviator who bloviates about other bloviators. And I'm against that." I paraphrase.

The new Conservative commercial about how Stephen Harper is just such a super guy. And they have all these people...bloviating? Ahh...I still don't know how to use it! I remain dumber than Bill O'Reilly! Whatever will I do? Anyway. The people who say things into the camera that are actually meaningless. "He's on the right track". "I like that he's a family man. Like, he has kids." "I'm going to vote for Stephen Harper". "He's in it for the right reasons". What does any of this mean? Even the people who say stuff that makes sense - "Finally we have someone who's tough on crime!" "I like that he supports the veterans." Again...what does that mean? How is he tough on crime, and why is that a good thing? Who, among all the people who are alive in the world today, does not "support" the veterans? What does that mean? But what makes me smile is the end of the commercial where he is sitting benignly on a couch, looking incredibly awkward, then obviously someone off camera says "look up and smile", and he does, and it looks a little like he's constipated and sad. Hilarious.

Sports highlight shows that are on a loop. Which means that after making an error in a sports show early in the morning, we are seeing that same error in every show until about 1:00. Like on Sportsnet this morning, where they announced that Alex Rodriguez had hit his 548th career home run. This apparently tied him with Frank Schmidt for 12th place on the all-time list. I had never heard of this man, the 12th all-time in home runs! How was that possible? I did a quick wikipedia search for Frank Schmidt, and discovered that he is a famed psychology professor well known for his work on the application of validity generalization methods. And although he has zero career major league home runs, I bet the Phillies wish they had signed HIM. He would have been interesting to have in the club house. I had the same highlight show on in the background this morning as I typed up some breaking rock news. And at 23 minutes after the next hour, I went back to wikipedia to look up Frank Schmidt again.

Oh, by the way - that Breaking Rock News story I was typing up? I'll reprint it here so you can tell how important it was. Yesterday, Breaking Rock News declined to report on a story that said that Guns N Roses once abused drugs and had sex with groupies. We felt that was not a story. But THIS...this was worth reporting. So here it is.

A waitress at the Cracker Barrel in Boise, Idaho received a 25 dollar tip. From the rock band Poison! Cheri White waited on members of Poison on Monday afternoon. "I didn't know who they were. I just walked up and took their order," White said. "Then one of them said, 'Hey, here's half your tip.' And he gave me this." The "this" she was referring to was a sticker. A Poison sticker. From the rock band Poison. The sticker, it is reported, could be worth up to 5 dollars on eBay. And that's the story.

And the last thing that makes me smile on TV - discovering a new show that I love. Tomorrow night is the season three premiere of Billable Hours on Showcase. I just got an advanced look at the show, and it's one of my new favourites. Yet another thing to PVR. I might have to make room for it by deleting the O'Reilly Factor. But I'm not sure which show is funnier.

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