Thursday, July 17, 2008

I kinda like this guy.

The first reason the fake David Lee Roth story was funny was that it was a story at all. The second reason was the hilarious local-news story itself. And the third reason turns out to be the fact that it was never true anyway! David Lee Roth gets pulled over for speeding. He tells the cops that he is suffering from a nut allergy, he gets rushed to the hospital, and the cops are credited with saving his life. The local CTV station then runs a story, unable to talk to the person Roth was apparently visiting in Oakland, Ontario, but interviewing the neighbours instead. They say he was clearly not from the area because he was slim and not-bad looking. Then - it is discovered, after a very brief fact-checking expedition, that Roth was playing Madison Square Garden. With Van Halen. That very same night. So...it was not Roth at all. That would be hilarious moment #4.

Now this mystery Roth impersonator has been identified. By an OPP officer. Whose desk is right beside that of the cops who are credited with saving Mr. Roth's life. Hey! He says, upon seeing the imposter photo. I went to school with that guy! The fifth hilarious moment! This man is really named David Kuntz, and he has quickly become one of my favourite people. I realized I don't really know what David Lee Roth looks like right now. I would recognize him from the 80s, or from his Van Halen heyday, but now? I have a vague idea...and so these cops can be forgiven, I feel, for not putting two and two together. But the news people clearly should have done a very small amount of checking. Like, waiting for the guy who was playing host to "Roth" to get home. Or finding out where Van Halen were at the time.

But it gets better. The last time Mr. Kuntz was seen, he was partying at a bar in Hamilton called the Liquid Lounge. Still as David Lee Roth. To the point where he actually sits in with the band on a couple of tunes. And still no one is any the wiser. And it gets even better - he's there with two nurses from the hospital where he was taken for his nut allergy! I have always maintained that a certain amount of lying is OK for a one-night stand. "I'm single" is a lie that isn't OK. "I'm a race car driver" is a lie that's just fine. And "I'm David Lee Roth" is one that is not only just fine, it's ridiculously ballsy and totally over-the-top! This guy really played this one to the bone.

But now he is "at large". He is being hunted down by the OPP for "obstruction of justice" - ie, giving a false name to a police officer. Which would probably be something that was completely ignored had this not made the news around the world. Really, he will be charged with "embarassing us completely", as he most assuredly did. Well, his run as David Lee Roth is likely over, but he seems to have already got a lot out of it. Rock on, Mr. Kuntz! Rock on...

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