Thursday, June 19, 2008


I watched The Onion Movie on Tuesday and I have had a hard time sleeping since. There is something I just can't wrap my head around, and I really don't know how to take this. Well, first of all, here it is:

And it's not just the trailer. Steven Seagal appears in this movie more than once, and each time - he is making fun of himself! Here is my Cynical Cinema review of the film:

Now, for years I have absolutely loved Steven Seagal. As many of you already know. I was about to call it an on-again, off-again love affair, but who am I kidding? Ever since I saw Under Seige at a young age, it has been ON! But the very reason I enjoy this man is the same reason the Onion Movie is bothering me. I have always believed, very firmly so, that Seagal is a man who is incapable of laughing at himself. That he has created his mystical wisdom spewing faux kung-fu prophet persona because on some level, that's exactly who he believes himself to be. And the idiocy of his movies is great when you take him at face value. He really thinks like this! He doesn't know he's a terrible actor! He is unaware that his movie is preposterous and makes no sense! He thought the film needed that bizarre Lao-Tzu dream sequence!

Now, I don't know what to think. Does he really understand? Has he always understood? Has he endeavoured to become ridiculous? Or is the Onion movie merely the moment where we, the public, get let in on his late-career William Shatneresque epiphany, where he all of a sudden actually went back and watched Black Dawn and came to the realization that he is a cartoon? I certainly hope the latter is the case, but who knows? Maybe I now have to go back and re-examine some films for evidence of tongues in cheeks. Here are the movies I now must watch once more:

Pistol Whipped
Urban Justice
Flight of Fury
Shadow Man
Attack Force
Today You Die
Mercenary For Justice
Into The Sun
Black Dawn
Out of Reach
Belly of the Beast
The Foreigner
Out For A Kill

And that's a lot of Seagal.

1 comment:

  1. **cock-puncher**
    Yeah i watched this movie about a week ago,I really dont know what to think about it.. It was.. interesting? i guess...