Thursday, June 19, 2008

As promised.

I know no one really wanted to read this, but I did say this morning that I would break down my Tori Spelling - Paris Hilton theory on my blog. So here it is, in a nutshell. Both became "famous" as a result of having rich parents. Paris Hilton's parents are madly rich hotel owners. As a result, she became rich herself, was able to appear at tons of parties, flash her bits to paparazzi, get drunk and sleep with everyone, and somehow become tabloid fodder. She then, through a certain amount of effort and a substantial amount of public fascination with idiocy, parlayed sluttiness, irritating behaviour, and a certain amount of attractiveness into a TV career, and subsequently a singing career and a movie career. All this despite her lack of talent. And we hear about her puppy. Like it's news.

Tori Spelling, on the other hand, did it the other way. HER rich father is Aaron Spelling, the TV mogul who was can't-miss in the 80s and 90s with programs like Beverly Hills 90210. And because he was so rich and so powerful, he could dictate the terms of such shows. And one of those terms was that his daughter got a starring role. So despite her lack of talent, she became something of a star, with her own TV show and subsequent movie roles. She also had a certain amount of attractiveness (although on 90210, beside all the other hot chicks, she was just the horse-faced friend). And she managed to parlay these film and TV-movie roles into a certain amount of stature, and as a result managed to become tabloid fodder. To the point where we actually hear about her puppy. Like it's news.

So there, whether you wanted to read it or not, is the breakdown. Paris Hilton and Tori Spelling are actually the same person, only in reverse. Also similar are Paris Hilton and Jessica Simpson. For a complete comparison, check out the Cynical Cinema page later today, as I review The Hottie And The Nottie, Paris Hilton's latest "star" vehicle, and Blonde Ambition, Jessica Simpson's latest "star" vehicle. You see, I had an extremely masochitic morning, and watched both. I now want to poke out both my eyes.

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