Monday, April 7, 2008

O-Face! The greatest, worst group in history.

OK. I think I now have this figured out. I have no idea how to get O-Face songs onto the actual blog post, but I have somehow, through a few hours of computerings, been able to get them onto the right hand side of the page, here ---------> Try not to accidentally click on an ad that I did not approve. NFL football in Toronto my ass! Well...I'll probably go...if the Packers come...anyway. There are now three O-Face songs to the right, including the one that apparently was played by Robin over the week we were off. Imagine my surprise when a nice young man approached me at Mac's on Saturday night and asked if there was anywhere he could purchase an O-Face CD. Of course, he was just being nice, as these songs are horrible, but I was still warm and fuzzy inside. Now, although I have been able to put them up on the blog, I could not hear them from work. Therefore, I do not recall whether there is inappropriate language in these or not. Be warned. But here is the story:

Check it at Home: I believe this was the song Robin was playing in the mornings last week. And the one we played a piece of this morning. A rebellious cry against the overly technical world in which we find ourselves trapped today. Blackberries, Interac, digital readouts, MySpace and of course, idiot bloggers. On vocals, we find a verse by MC Aggravate, followed by a verse by Snoop Dodgy Dodge (our buddy Jasen Colsen, who drives a Dodge), and then one by MC Cougar Hunter. The soaring vocals in the chorus are also provided by Snoop Dodgy Dodge, and the female interjections by my girlfriend, DJ Snowball.

Celebrity Idolatry: A song created in again, less than an hour, because any more than an hour is too long to work on a song. Beer and whiskey, combined with the untimely sighting of Paris Hilton on the television, contributed to the venomous tone of this work, a work which is a solo venture of MCs Aggravate and Cougar Hunter.

Back Up: An experiment, mostly a Snoop Dodgy Dodge solo piece, this is a step into the world of R&B, an attempt to prove that anyone in the world can create, sing, write and produce a song of this calibre in less than forty minutes. I believe MC Aggravate produced this gem, with Dodgy Dodge on vocals, in about thirty-four minutes, start to finish. Take that, R. Kelly and Ginuwine!

I must say, for the record here, after the scathing things that were said about O-Face this morning by both Doc AND Woody, that it is easy (as those two demonstrated) to miss the point of O-Face. That it is quite possible to underestimate the quality of the recordings, the lyrics, and the delivery of these oh-so-suburban songs. However, O-Face is a war against music in general, as conducted by MC Aggravate and MC Cougar Hunter, with occasional collaborators Snoop Dodgy Dodge and DJ Snowball and DJ Elvis. Our position is that if a song is not good already, then it is not worth more than an hour, total, in the studio. And since we are setting out to be terrible, then we strictly enforce this time limit upon ourselves. We find the worst songs ever to sample, (more on that later - when I figure out how to put more songs up) we find the simplest beats on the simple-beat-machine-program that MC Aggravate has on his studio computer at Eric's Music Academy in Orleans, and within twenty-five minutes we have a backing track. We then write the songs, no time for editing the lyrics, and lay down the vocals within the next twenty-five minutes. And then it's ont final production, where levels are brought up and down to meet our exacting standards. This can take no longer than the final ten minutes with which we have to work.

The point therefore being that aggressive mediocrity is in itself a style, and horrible music is to be enjoyed for just that - it's awfulness. Two of my all-time favourite albums, to this day, are the Macho Man Randy Savage's rap album, "Be A Man", and Steven Seagal's blues album "Mojo Priest". Making music this bad is an art form unto itself, and what makes Macho Man and Seagal so far removed from the rest of the world is the fact that they are unaware of how terrible they really are. Which is AWESOME. Like Poison. Unfortunately, this presents a stumbling block for O-Face, because we ARE aware of how terrible we are. In that context, the only way not to be self-conscious about our awfulness is to do everything way faster than we should and print the final copy long before it's really ready to be printed.

So enjoy! Make sure to listen with a keen sense of irony, and maybe check the songs at home before you play them at work, since I have no recollection of how much swearing went into any of them. Possibly none, possibly tons. There may be no song ever recorded with more swearing than the O-Face song Larry Gowan, which I have decided not to include here. What with the totally not-safe-for-work lyrics and all. Stay tuned, more O-Face to come! Even worse stuff, too!

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