Sunday, April 20, 2008

The nerdiest thing ever said.

There have been some nerdy things spoken in history. "There Can Be Only One". "One ring to rule them all". "Remember in episode 24601, when Picard did the mind-meld with that Vulcan Borg, and the..." you get it. But until yesterday, I would have been loathe to crown a champion for Nerdiest Phrase Of All Time. But I was a witness to it, and I feel that this was a monumental event, at least significant enough that I want to preserve the story in written form. You see, my step-son's friends were over yesterday, and I had to complete my yard work while dodging footballs, soccer balls and the remnants of Friday's snow. All good kids, they seemed to be having a good time, until I heard this exchange:

"This is fun, it's like a video game"
"Yeah, but with worse graphics."

That's not it yet. The nerdiest phrase of all time is yet to come. I looked over and saw my step-son (bless his sardonic heart) staring at his buddy with the same look I give my girlfriend when she insists that I would like America's Next Top Model if I would only give it a chance. He says:

"Ummm....you know it's real life, right?"
"Yeah, so the graphics are worse."
"Ummm....it's real life. There is nothing clearer."
"Yeah, I know. But there's no CGI."

That was it - the nerdiest thing of all time, right there in my backyard. Real life is neat as a sideshow, but it could certainly use some CGI to compete with video games. I told this friend that this was the nerdiest statement ever made by anyone ever. And I made sure he knew that I didn't mean in a good-nerdy "Election is the finest moment in Asian cinematic history" sort of way. I meant in the bad-nerdy, this-is-why-cartoon-jocks-on-TV beat up kids like that sort of way. Although I don't think there are any jocks in the world who would beat up a kid for saying things of this nature. They would have to get in line behind outdoor enthusiasts, scientists, philosophers, and the Village Green Preservation Society. I told him this, then I high-fived him and cooked him a hamburger. Had he been 19, I would have given him a beer. Here's hoping he knows what one is at that age.

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