Thursday, March 20, 2008

Who would win in a fight...Popeye or Pippi Longstocking?

I got into a bizarre conversation with my girlfriend's 13-year-old tonight. Who would win in a fight - Ronald McDonald or the Burger King king? I suggested that the king would win, because there is something sacreligious about hitting or killing a king. Ronald would have a hard time getting over that hump. The discussion then moved on to other fast-food characters, such as Popeye and the Wendy's straight-red pigtails girl, who is obviously Pippi Longstocking. We surmised that Pippi Longstocking was incredibly strong merely because she believed she was, and yet Popeye is strong because of spinach. Popeye therefore is using performance-enhancing supplements, and Pippi wins simply because of her natural ability to be super-strong. And by the way, if Popeye is just a regular guy before he eats his spinach, how does he have the strength to open spinach cans simply by squeezing the closed, metal can of spinach such that the spinach flies into his mouth? The discussion then moved on to McDonalds characters - Grimace would lose just about any fight, we figure. But Mayor McCheese ate cheeseburgers, the Fry Guys ate fries, that chicken thing ate chicken nuggets...they are all cannibals. As such, they might be evil and bloodthirsty enoughto take out even such robust corporate logos as Toucan Sam. Then he came up with a solid point - if all McDonalds characters are cannibals, shouldn't Ronald McDonald eat clowns? Forget the Big Mac, Ronald McDonald should eat clowns in his commercials. Wait for them to come out of that tiny car, then scarf them down one by one...he's creepy enough as it is.


  1. sounds like a discussion i'd have sitting around with my stoner friends at about 4 in the morning

  2. Sounds like our poor Eric has scarfed down one too many Shamrock Shakes... ;)

  3. Right on both counts - I think the moral of the story here is that when you have one of those conversations with your stoner buddies, you are conversing on the level of a 13-year-old. Don't do drugs! It will take fifteen years off your brain overnight!