Saturday, March 1, 2008

We have a winner!

People very often ask me what is the worst thing Doc and Woody have ever done to me. And up until now, there have been a few events contending for top spot. Frankly, most of the stuff is stuff I'd be curious enough to try on my own after a particularly good Saturday night. So it usually comes down to the Super Bowl trip where I got no tickets, the Rush concert I was forced to attend, or the time I ended up in the hospital after being hit in the junk. But we have a new champion today, and that is what the boys did to me on Friday. Apparently, February 29th is international bachelor's day. Which does not mean that it is a day for bachelors. Oh no, far from it! It is a day where women are supposed to ask the men to marry them. Those men who, like me, may be dragging their feet. Now, as soon as Doc started talking about this, I clammed right up. I was not about to participate in this talk, I was certainly hoping it would just blow past, and with any luck my girlfriend was not listening at home, or she would be on me all day about it. I was a little irritated that Doc would even bring it up at all, knowing full well that Jen wants very much to get married, while I want very much to live common-law for the rest of our lives.

So he gets Jen on the phone. I should have known something was up. I saw him talking on the phone on the couch by the bathrooms earlier, and I never clued in. He never does that. Even when he has to call his wife or anyone else, he uses his cell phone in the studio. There is never a reason for him to get up and walk anywhere, especially to use the phone. Something secretive was happening, and I didn't even notice. So when she appeared on the phone in the middle of the story on girls-asking-guys-to-marry-them-day, it should not have come as a surprise. But it sure did. And when she did indeed ask me to marry her, I had no reason to believe it was anything but real. In fact, she has threatened to do much the same thing in the past, and it would have surprised me very little had she set this up herself! So when she said "will you marry me", I was still trying desperately to figure out how to get out of this. I couldn't very well run to the bathroom, or fake a sudden illness, I had to answer, and fast!

As I said after, it was kind of like being on the jumbotron at a baseball game. When you have gone to all that trouble of having "will you marry me Jill" put up on the scoreboard, and the camera pans to you in the crowd, and the Goodyear blimp circles overhead with pre-programmed "congratulations" signs ready to go, you kind of have to say yes, don't you? There is really no escape at that point. Jill may well kick Gerald right in the knee once they are out of the baseball game, but at that moment, she has no choice but to say yes, kiss Gerald on camera, and bask in the cheers of the fans for that short time. I did say yes, although I must say that I made no plans to kick my girlfriend in the knee at a later time. I was still too stunned to figure out what was going on. I did, however, make plans to let the air out of Doc's tires and step on his neck at a later date. So imagine my relief (and Doc's) when Jen responded to my "yes" with a very quick "haha just kidding". This saved Doc's tires and neck, and staved off, at least for a while, my heart attack. It did not, however, save my neck, as I was still in trouble when I got home. Say yes, say no, apparently any response is preferable to a very long pause where nothing is said at all.

I must congratulate Jen, however. This was one of the best-executed pranks I have ever had played on me, and she was very good at it. Extremely convincing, totally malicious, and in the end, completely hilarious.


  1. Ahhh, that was such a nice story. Congratulations on your split-second pseudo engagement Eric. At least you said "Yes" Can't be in too much trouble for that. At least you didn't publicly humiliate her. Way to demonstrate courage and manliness Eric. Maybe chivalry is not dead after all.
    Mrs. Mama

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