Thursday, February 7, 2008

I may well be the king of romance.

The guys were giving me a hard time on Tuesday. We had received a package of stuff from the Heart and Stroke foundation - healthy stuff, you know. Stuff to help your heart and prevent a stroke. Doc was portioning the stuff out to us, and I took all the food products. There was also one of those big inflatable excercise balls that I guess you sit on to do stuff. I took that too, because my girlfriend has wanted one of those for a while. We have been unable to purchase one, since we are on a strictly enforced budget at the moment due to some gas-company-related belt tightening. So it was ideal! I can take this ball to her, she can lose the three and a half pounds she insists she should drop, and I can give her the All-Bran cereal with the big heart on the box! And Valentine's Day is coming up, it is ideal all around. Of course Doc had to jump all over me, trying to "save me from myself". He felt that I would have the worst Valentine's Day ever, that I would lose my girlfriend and he wanted to save me the anguish by trying to dissuade me early on.

I tried to explain that I have a terrific girlfriend. She is exactly what a guy would want in a girlfriend, in that she understands my aversion to Valentine's Day and is happy when I remember it at all. Of course, she still loves the day, so we compromise and I do something small but inexpensive, and she doesn't hit me. Everybody wins! But by now, I was clearly going to have to do something that very day. She would have heard by now what my plans were, after all, they were all over the radio. So I took the bus to her work, picked up a small potted plant and a sympathy card, and wrote a Valentine's Day message inside with the Sharpie that was in my pocket, and delivered the whole bundle to her work. The excecise ball, the All-Bran in heart shapes - romantic heart shapes - a potted plant, the card, and a can of broccoli soup, also from the Heart and Stroke foundation. And guess what? She was thrilled. That was exactly what she wanted. An excercise ball we would otherwise have to wait to purchase. That's it! I'm done for Valentine's Day! The element of surprise was there, since it was ten days early, and the desired product was there as well. Success. Take that, Doc and the Naysayers. There's a good name for a band...

But I ruined my credit, because by the time I got to her work on the bus, there were still three hours left before she was done. I was in considerable pain from this weird growth I had recently developed, and so I didn't want to drive home only to turn around and come back to drive her home. So I went to the bar. And by the time she got off work, full of warm fuzzy romantic thoughts, she found me tipsy and talkative, and whatever brownie points I may have earned were out the window. On the plus side, I broke even. Had I not done the card and the plant and the excercise ball and the cereal and the broccoli soup thing, I would have ended up behind with the bar thing. I consider breaking even AND having beer to be a win. However, when I woke up yesterday morning, I thought there was a chance my girlfriend had stabbed me while I slept. But that's another story for another time. Like...the next post.

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