Friday, February 8, 2008

But I'm too big for a bath!

Getting the kids to take a bath or a shower is a struggle. The older one just doesn't like the idea of getting up from the computer or his movie or whatever it might be we're doing. It would involve walking and climbing stairs...lots of effort. The younger one feels that it is a massive waste of his time - the six minutes he might spend in the shower are six minutes where he could be PLAYING. And that book or that lego or Guitar Hero or the Sorry board may well disappear before tomorrow. Or within six minutes. As a child, I believe I had a similar distaste for the bath. It was only when I discovered that girls are less likely to make out with the smelly guy that I began to take regular showers. I was twenty-six. But I don't think I have had an actual bath more than three times in the last fifteen years. (All three times were right after one of the 24 Hours of Homelessness event for Operation Go Home.) But yesterday I had to take a bath for my weird gross injury. The idea was I was to fill the tub with water and Epson Salts, and soak the wound, open it up and make sure I got salt inside.

That seemed awful to me at first, and it certainly did sting and cause me pain, at least for a while. But the worst part was that I am now too large (possibly too fat) for the tub! I filled it with water. I sat down. The water didn't reach my waist where the wound was. I lay down on my back. Still, the water didn't reach the open sore. I tried filling it up more, but that little drain that makes sure the water doesn't get too high kept draining it right back out. Finally, I had to uncomfortably turn onto my stomach so I could soak properly, open this thing up and get salt into it. I need to lose some weight. My plan has been to do that through excercise, but since I got this thing, I have been unable to excercise (or even shovel snow). It feels like some kind of catch-22 at this point.


  1. LOL It took you till you were twenty-six to realize that girls are less likely to make out with a smelly guy, thats hilarious.

  2. I wash myself with a rag on a stick!

  3. Yeah - it took me until I was twenty-eight to realize they also like it when you clip your nails and have fresh breath.

  4. Next thing, you'll get a haircut and get a real job...

  5. @hi eric
    i hope you give us points for posting for this visual !
    hope you get well soon and i
    oh yeah
    you could always lose the xtra calories by having lots of delicious sexercises
    and then
    enjoy comfortably
    your hot
    bubble bath with your bath partner in candles glow

  6. Don't you think it's a bit inappropriate, you being a “step-parent”, that you are bathing these children?

  7. Being that you are not their parent, why are you bathing them, where is their mother? It is not appropriate for you to be bathing children that are not your own. It's WRONG on so many different levels.

  8. Where does it say he's bathing them??? He said GETTING them to bathe is a struggle. That doesn't mean that he's present during the bathing.

    Holy crap... you need a new hobby man.

  9. My friends told me that bath salts with epsom salts are great for relieve bruises. lol! you only took one bath every 5 years, and supposed the two baths came when you were younger :D