Thursday, January 4, 2007

Polar Bear dip!

I was right. We did get a phone call about the plight of the polar bears in the Arctic. What I hadn't counted on was the difficulty with which this "polar bear dip" would be set up. At first, we figured we could just go to the same place on Mooney's Bay beach where the real polar bear dip takes place, and where it took place on New Years Day. Obviously, they had to cut through the ice somewhere, and we could just use that same spot.

Unfortunately, we couldn't find that spot. So our promo guy Jason and I took a giant plate weight from the promo room and tied it to a giant rope, then went about swinging it over our heads, smashing a hole in the ice of Mooney's Bay. First off, it took us quite a while to find a spot with water, and secondly, we had to be careful once we found that spot so as not to fall through the ice ourselves. A few times, the weight on the rope broke through with such force, and we were on such slippery footing that the weight almost pulled us through.

Finally, we were able to bash a hole in the ice, and I covered myself in Vaseline. This was Doc's idea, since he figured it would keep me slightly warmer when I leapt in. I don't know if it worked. If I was any warmer, I didn't feel it. What a jolt! And the water was murky and gross. Jason and I hadn't really thought things through to their eventual end, and we had neglected to remove all the loose ice from the water hole. So my back was sliced up like crazy when I jumped in.

But no matter. What was important was the picture. I wanted to do a "before and after", and stressed Jason out considerably when I took all my clothes off. I just wanted to see for myself how much cold water really affects "shrinkage". So I had to be naked to do so. I got naked, he took the first picture, I jumped in, he took the second picture, and I put my underwear back on. At this point I looked over to the parking lot, which had been deserted moments earlier. There were now six cars there, each one with it's lights on me on the beach as I stripped naked. I hope none of those drivers had a cell phone camera.

I guess it doesn't matter if they did, Jason has naked pictures of me now anyway. So I want him to photoshop them with the black marks covering all the naughty bits. I thought it would be great, with a bigger black mark for the first shot, and a tiny one for the second. Which he did, and very quickly. I think, however, he didn't want to spend too much time looking at my full frontal nudity, because the black marks didn't quite cover everything. He sent them to Doc right away, and thankfully Doc got them before the show was over, because I could then see his face as he received naked pictures of me in his email. With not enough black marks. I think they will be re-done soon and posted on the Doc and Woody fun page. But censored, of course. The Doc and Woody Fun Page condones only partial nudity.

Wednesday, January 3, 2007

Polar Bear dip?

It is with a certain amount of trepidation that I face tomorrow's show. I think a "polar bear" dip should be fine, what with Global Warming and so forth. It won't be quite the icy minus-20 degrees it has been in past years. It's Doc and Woody I'm worried about. Apparently the holidays were either not very good to them or too good for them, as they have returned with a definite inclination toward sadism.

When the whole idea was dreamed up, it seemed fairly simple. Go to Mooney's Bay, jump in the water, and get out. No problem. Now they want to add a rope, a helmet, all kinds of lunacy. And they want me to water-ski! Not that it's a problem if they do. I've water-skied for many years, and I should be OK there. I think.

The main thing I am waiting on is the animal lovers. Calling it a "polar bear" dip the day after Randall did his one-minute Moore on the issue of Global Warming and mentioned that polar bears are now an endangered species should bring them out. I will be called an insensitive jerk for using the words "polar bear"...Doc and Woody will be called sadistic maniacs for instigating the whole thing. Should be fun!