Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Epiphany

So I was moving all weekend, which of course also meant I was drinking all weekend. Then I come into work today to discover what I already knew - a study has been done showing that people who drink at a party are less likely to get hurt when they fall down than people who are sober. I knew that as soon as my feet went out from under me and a microwave crushed my head between itself and the ground. If I had been sober, that could have HURT!

Not only that, but I feel 30 percent dumber after this weekend, thanks mostly to my somewhat heroic intake of beer. Now another study (these always come out near New Years) suggests that if I take a couple of weeks off (from drinking, not work), then my brain cells will regenerate and I will gain back the smarts! Good to know.

I have always maintained the theory that beer makes you smarter - try to poke holes in this theory: We as humans use only ten percent of our brains. That means when we kill brain cells with beer, 90 percent of those cells we're killing we don't use anyway, and only ten percent of them are useful. 90-10 = 80. That means that every time we drink, we're removing unwanted brain by 80 percent at a time. So every time we drink, our brain becomes 80 percent more efficient, thus making us smarter.

2 comments:

  1. Hey Eric,
    This is Matt Frame, the handcuffed swim guy. I stumbled across your blog entry about my moronic world record and thought it was really funny. Yeah, I can figure why you would struggle with swimming in an indoor pool as it's not salinated and you'd sink like a rock. I guess I am fortunate that I am swimming in 87 degree ocean water. You were spot on with calling the record moronic and stupid, these are things I never would deny. But, there was a purpose for doing it. I was swimming to raise money to send poor kids to school here in Cambodia, where I am living right now. We have managed to pay for tuition for about 70 kids but all things considered, the swim was a failure. We had a major sponsor who effectively screwed us in the end. I honestly don't give a shit about the record at all. It was just a means of getting attention so that the media would pay atention and this, in turn, would bring in donations for the local charity I was swimming for. I am a filmmaker who has done pretty well and subsequently I don't really care at all about having my 15 minutes come as a result of the swims. Yeah, plural. I am cuffing up again on the 13th (without scumbag online casino sponsor this time) to raise the money I should have brought in the first time around. You're right about about 5.8km sounding like a slack record. That's why this time I am going to swim until I reach a distance that will make your job easier, one that will be next to impossible to break. Perhaps this time folks in the media will understand the reasons why I am doing it and not just write me off as a PR hungry nutbag. After I raise money for a couple hundred poor kids to go to school I'll go back to being a film maker and try to get some legitimate press, yeah? Your station will get a press release after the swim is completed so give me a call here in 'Bodia if you want an interview. Just don't expect me to play polite if you fellars try to trivialize the event. Happy New Year. Matt Frame
    www.baghdad-or-bust.com

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