Monday, December 11, 2006

Best phone calls ever

There have been a few phone calls I have loved in my time with the Doc and Woody show. One of the best was the man who called up, enraged at the traffic reports that mentioned his street. "If you mention my street in the traffic reports, people will start thinking it's a major thoroughfare, and they'll start using it all the time. You a**h***s!" That one was good...I also loved the one where we were talking about scientology, and how scientologists believe that people have "thetas", that can be plied to ensure that they are more calm and serene in their lives. A lady called up (who really sounded like a man) and lost her BRAIN on us, screaming about not talking about things we don't understand, then slammed down the phone. Having not yet learned to manipulate her thetas. Funny, but not as funny as the subsequent phone call from her husband "that wasn't a dude, man - that was my wife". Something no one else would ever have admitted.

But today's must be top five all-time. The parts we couldn't play on the air were even better than thos we did play on the air. Leonard from Almonte called in response to Randall's commentary about the family who were taking care of an orphaned deer only to have it taken away a few years later by our government ministry. Leonard wasn't just angry, he had a plan. If they were to come to his place, see, to try something like that, he would string 'em up to a tree, and slather their groin with honey so that bears could lick it off. He would open a bottle of rye, so that he could enjoy the show (Randall would enjoy it as well, he was sure). Then (the part that was not aired) he would find some female deer urine from one of the jugs he keeps around the house, and slather THAT all over their behinds, and let the bucks have their way with them. Then he would cut off their hands and spank them or something. Can't remember the rest. All this would be a fairly regular call from the nuts who listen to our show if Leonard didn't sound exactly like the Granny from Beverly Hillbillies.

The lesson here is don't take a wrong turn in the rural areas outside Ottawa. Before you know it, you might be tied to a tree having a three-way with wild animals while a drunken hillbilly drinks rye and watches from the rocking chair on his porch. Don't say I didn't warn you.

4 comments:

  1. Crap! I heard Leonard when he first called for the rant back number, but I missed the playback. Damn. Can you get them to play it again tomorrow morning, earlier this time... between 7:30 and 8:00am? Pleeeeeease? :)

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  2. Leonard's comments were awesome! You should post the recording on your site. As well I think you should get his number and call him from time to time to get his opinion on different things going on in the city.

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  3. Yup, he should be a regular. Leonard could be the BillyBuckles of the morning show!!

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  4. I heard Leonard this morning. Hilarious stuff, thanks!

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